Chapter 21
NASH
With a game of checkers in hand, I knock on Sadie’s hospital room door before I crack it open.
“You decent?”
“Uh…yeah!”
I push the door wider as she quickly sets her phone down on the tray table next to her like a hot potato.
“Can I come in?”
Her eyes dart to the device and then back to me. “Yeah, I just got off the phone with Autumn. She called me.”
There’s a guilty quality to her expression. Sadie’s poker face is non-existent, but I don’t press because Dr. Hatchet and Dr. Basu told me to be patient with her, with us, with all of it.
“You talked to Autumn?”
“Yeah, it was nice.”
“Autumn’s been so worried about you. Calling every day. Texting for updates. Demanding information. It’s so annoying.” I hope she catches the sarcasm in my voice. The old Sadie would’ve.
“What a terrible friend.”
I smile because she does. “The worst.” I take another step into the room, shaking the checkers box. I’m hoping her love of board games will get me some alone time with her. “I wanted to see if you were up for a game.”
Her eyes are hesitant, but she nods. “Sure.”
The wheels on the tray table screech as I roll it between us.
“So this is going to be strip checkers,” I say as I start setting up the game. “Every time you jump someone’s piece, the other person has to remove an article of clothing.”
I peek up at Sadie, and her expression is stiff and angry.
“I’m kidding.” I laugh, but she doesn’t join, causing me to clear my throat. “Jokes like that were funnier when you liked me.”
“Probably.” Her lips twitch, and I’ve never been so grateful for the hint of a smile in my life.
I glance down, continuing to place black and red pieces on the board. “The good news is, you can’t remember my winning strategy, but I remember yours.”
Sadie crosses her legs under her, sitting up to get serious about the game. “That doesn’t seem fair.”
“Your recent amnesia should be proof enough that life isn’t fair.”
“True.”
“Ladies first.” I gesture to the ready board.
She takes a second to think things through then moves one of the end pieces to the corner.
I smile.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I move my piece. “It’s just that you’re so predictable. Memory loss has nothing on your tried-and-true checkers strategy.”
“Never mind.” She sits up taller, looking down at the game. “I’m doing everything different. We’ll see who’s predictable.”
I watch as she tries to switch things up. She looks beautiful, with her brown hair pulled up in a messy bun and no makeup exposing her light freckles. It’s the Sadie I love. I want to tell her how I feel and remind her of my love, but Dr. Hatchet explicitly said to take things slow. Don’t overwhelm her with information or feelings too soon. So, I leave the words on the tip of my tongue.
Her gaze jumps to me. “See? Now I have you guessing.”
“Uh, yeah.” I quickly glance down. The last thing I need is for her to get freaked out by me staring. But man, it was so nice to just stare. “You’ve got me all mixed up now.”
We take turns back and forth, but it’s clear her new strategy is no strategy at all. I’ve jumped the majority of her pieces.
As I remove her second-to-last piece from the board, I shoot her a playful smile. “I bet you’re glad this wasn’t strip checkers, because you’d be naked right now.”
“You know comments like that aren’t helping me not hate you.”
“You used to love how much I flirted with you.”
“I don’t know.” She lifts her shoulders. “It feels like a lot right now.”
“I guess I hoped that after talking to Autumn, you wouldn’t be so skeptical of me.”
“Autumn does seem to be a big fan of yours.”
“Really? What did she say?” That I’m the love of your life? That I make you happy? That we’re meant to be?
Brown eyes flip to me with a look that says I’m not getting any information from her.
“Okay, fine. Don’t tell me.” I jump my last piece over hers. “That’s game.”
“I want a rematch.” She immediately begins resetting the board. “I mean, you’re taking advantage of a person with a traumatic brain injury. Who does that?”
“I can let you win if you want.” My lips lift. “Take pity on you.”
Her stubbornness presents itself through her lifted chin. “I don’t need your pity.”
“That’s what I thought.”
She goes silent as we play, but I don’t mind. Being in the same room as her is enough.
“I’m getting released tomorrow,” she announces out of the blue.
“I heard. I actually wanted to discuss that with you.” I keep my focus on the game. It feels less threatening that way. “I talked to your parents, and we all thought that maybe it would be good for you to go back to our apartment, sleep there, and then fly to Syracuse on Sunday.” I’m bending the facts to fit my needs, but showing a united front with her parents is better. Right now, they’re her allies.
Her shoulders drop, and she sits back.
“Seeing where we live and what your life looks like might even help trigger something with your memory.” I’m not trying to manipulate her. I really believe that it could help. But I also want her to have the whole picture. “It would just be me there with you, but I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“You’ll sleep on the couch?”
I hold my hand up. “Scout’s honor.”
“Are you a boy scout?”
“No.” I shake my head with a smile. “Empty words.”
She playfully rolls her eyes, which is better than being annoyed. “It would probably be good for me to see our apartment.”
“Sounds good.” It’s tough to keep my excitement in check, but I have to because I haven’t even asked her the biggest thing yet. “And then the next day, we’ll fly to Syracuse together.” My eyes dart to Sadie, checking to see if she understood the together part.
Her raised brows are the first clue she did.
“Oh.” She pulls at her ear like she always does when she’s nervous. “I didn’t know you were coming with me.”
“I’d like to—if you’ll let me.” I hold her stare, pleading with her to look at me how she used to.
She drops her eyes, breaking our locked gazes. “I might be in Skaneateles for a long time, not just the holidays. Don’t you have to work?”
“Before all this happened, we booked a month-long trip to Switzerland for Christmas, so I already had planned not to work much the next few weeks.”
Her head pops up in interest. “We did?”
I love the glow of excitement in her eyes. “Yeah, we were supposed to fly out yesterday.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland during Christmastime.” Her words are almost reverent.
“I know.”
Her lips lift, and that slight smile means more to me than anything else has since she woke up. I want to stay in this moment, but I know I can’t.
“So”—I look down, moving my next checker piece—“as you can see, it’s not a big deal if I spend the next few weeks in New York with you.”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”
“Okay.”
“It’s not that you’re not welcome.” Her expression floods with guilt. “You’re my husband, so obviously, you're welcome. It’s just kind of awkward, you know? I don’t really know you.”
“Maybe me coming home with you would help change that.”
She bites her lip as she stares back at me.
I can’t imagine not being with her, but I play it cool. “Think about it, and let me know what you decide.” I add a casual shrug to counteract the desperation inside.
“I will.”
If the silence for the rest of our game is any indicator, she’s going to tell me I can’t come.
SADIE
Once Nash leaves, I pick up my phone again, needing some advice. I shoot a quick text to Autumn and stare at the screen, waiting for her to reply.
Sadie
Nash wants to spend the holidays in Skaneateles with me at my parents' house.
Edward Cullen
It would be weird if he didn’t want to come. He is your husband.
Sadie
Yes, on paper, he’s my husband, but under these circumstances, having a stranger hang out with me for a month is worse, isn’t it?
Edward Cullen
Nash is not a stranger. He loves you.
I should’ve known Autumn would answer this way. Can you call it advice when the person you ask is so obviously biased?
Sadie
Usually, when someone you don’t know loves you, they’re considered a stalker.
Edward Cullen
Your marriage wasn’t one sided. You loved him.
I loved him.
I still can’t reconcile that in my head.
Sadie
Where’s the proof? Even though my mind can’t remember, shouldn’t my heart?
Edward Cullen
There’s proof all around. You just have to be willing to look at it.
My head pushes back into the pillows, and I close my eyes. Autumn is right. I can find proof if I want it.
The pounding in my chest almost convinces me not to, but I decide to switch my phone to a text thread between Nash and me. I scroll, reading each message, trying to picture our life together. The last text was from the day before the accident. Nash asked if he should bring home tacos. The few before that were about our skiing plans and renewing our car insurance. But even with all the day-to-day stuff, it doesn’t take long to get to the proof Autumn talked about.
Sadie
You looked pretty sexy when you left this morning. I’ve been thinking about you all day. Can’t wait for you to get home tonight. (kissy emoji)
Nash
Is that an invitation?
Sadie
Maybe.
Nash
In that case, I’m leaving the conference right now.
And another day.
Nash
Hey, I just wanted to say how beautiful and talented I think you are. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. I love you!
Sadie
Aww, thanks, babe! I love you too. I don’t know where I’d be without you.
Probably married to Stetson.
I scroll up a little more.
Nash
You’re hot.
Sadie
Aren’t you supposed to be paying attention to the board meeting right now?
Nash
I can’t concentrate with you sitting across from me. If I sit up a little taller, I get a glimpse of your cleavage.
Sadie
Haha. You’re the worst boss ever!
Nash
But the best husband?
Sadie
One thousand percent the best husband. (heart eyes emoji)
I can admit the flirting back and forth over text is cute—something that would make me smile if I saw it in a movie. Stetson and I never did things like this. We were busy with school and work. It was hard to find time to look at our phones. When we did have a chance to text, it was short and to the point, very business-like, until we could be together in person. That was where the magic happened.
These messages don’t seem like me, but at the same time, I can hear my voice behind them. I read a few more, looking for myself in each one.
Nash
I just booked that chalet in Zermatt with a private Jacuzzi.
Sadie
That’s perfect because I just bought a new black bikini.
Nash
Unnecessary purchase. Clothing is prohibited.
Sadie
Just wait until you see it on me. I think you’ll let me keep it. (winky emoji)
Nash
As long as I get to be the one to take it off you.
Sadie
Deal.
I still can’t believe you’re taking me to Switzerland for Christmas. How did I get so lucky?
Nash
You’re incredible and deserve to have all your dreams come true.
Sadie
You’re the dream! I’ve never been happier in my entire life. Thanks for putting me first. Love you!
I stare at the words on the screen.
That message was just two days before I got hurt.
I’ve never been happier in my entire life.
I don’t understand how that can be true when my family wasn’t an integral part of my life. They were always the most important thing to me. Happiness could never exist without them, but then again, I said it did—a hard reality to wrap my head around.
Tiredness seeps in, and I tell myself I’ll just read a couple more.
Sadie
How did your appointment with Dr. Wyman go? I’ve been thinking about you all day. (heart emoji)
Nash
It was rough. You know how I feel about therapists.
Sadie
I know.
Nash
I hate opening up everything I tried so hard to forget.
Sadie
For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for going and talking to her. I know it’s hard, but it will be worth it in the end.
Nash
Maybe, but for now, I just feel emotionally exhausted.
Sadie
Take the rest of the day off work. I’ll hold down the fort here.
Nash
Nah, I’m already on my way. Taking a day off work is only fun if you’re with me. I’ll feel better when I see you and hug you. You’re my rock.
Sadie
And you’re mine.
I feel like an intruder spying on something I wasn’t supposed to hear—something so intimate and tender it’s deeply personal. Seconds before, Nash was just a man who knew how to flirt with his wife, but after reading this last exchange, he became dimensional.
My eyelids get heavy, and I succumb to their weight. Who is the real Nash Carter? This is the last thought that goes through my mind before everything goes dark.