Chapter 26 #2
He hooked his thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the door at his back. “Closest to the bathroom, prime real estate in a house of six people.”
“Six.” My eyes flew wide. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m surprised. Four kids and two parents. It adds up.”
His expression remained serious. “My faith in the British school system has been restored.”
I smiled, despite myself. “What I meant – if you’ll let me finish – is, I can’t imagine growing up in a house with so many people. It must have been—”
“Loud?”
“Fun.”
“That’s a synonym for loud.”
I stepped back, letting my eyes rake over him.
He followed the action, smoothing an invisible wrinkle. “What?”
“Just wondering if you were born with that stick up your arse.”
“Oh, aye.” He nodded. “Nasty condition too. Doctors conducted numerous studies, turns out it’s incurable.”
“My grumpy neighbour actually has jokes.” This time I laughed, and his expression flattened.
“Don’t get used to it.”
“You’re more self-aware than I thought.” Startlingly so.
“An arsehole who knows he’s an arsehole?”
“You’re not an arsehole.” The furthest thing from it, in fact.
He said nothing.
Did he really see himself that way?
“Are you going to let me see it?” I pointed to the door at his back.
He considered it for a beat, then unfolded his long body. “After you.”
My hand was sweaty around the door handle, and the door swung in with the slightest squeak of disuse. Flipping the light, I paused.
“Not what you were expecting?”
“Actually, it’s exactly what I expected,” I said. “Hardly worth the big reveal.” I stepped inside, taking in the dark-green walls and single bed beneath the shelves of neatly packaged superhero figurines.
Pristine condition of course.
He sidled around me and sank onto the bed. “Like you’re so hard to read. Let me guess, yours has a Disney princess bedspread?”
I made a game-show wrong answer sound in the back of my throat. “My parents didn’t have a lot of money growing up; we got most of our belongings from charity shops. I’m pretty sure it’s now a home gym. Or maybe my dad’s poker room. They’re obsessed with the shopping channel.”
“That’s rough.” He winced, glancing around like he was seeing his childhood time capsule with new eyes. He might have had everything handed to him on a plate, but at least his parents cared enough to interfere in his life and preserve so many good memories of it.
“I haven’t visited in years.” I shrugged, giving him my back while pretending to admire his Jurassic Park poster.
On a shelf above the poster sat a giant Lego spaceship. “The Millennium Falcon?” I asked, pointing to it.
His brows lifted over the rims of his glasses. “You’re into Star Wars?”
“Not at all, but Cameron loved the films. And the TV shows. And the video games and books,” I added with an air of exhaustion. “He wanted to name Teddy Leia, which I strongly vetoed.” I reached up to the shelf, fingering the edge of the Lego. “She’d be obsessed with this.”
“She can have it.”
“Oh, no. Those sets cost hundreds of pounds.” I shook my head and stepped away. “I couldn’t afford that.”
“Come on, Lang, I’m not going to make you pay for it.” He stood, suddenly towering above me again as he reached for it.
“No, don’t.” Not thinking, I gripped his forearm. Felt the heat of his skin through his shirtsleeve. He froze, fingers mid-air.
I swallowed. “You’ll break it.”
“It’s a toy, Isla. Not a family heirloom. It’s meant to be played with.” He dropped his arm, breath puffing through his nose. “You need to stop acting surprised when I do nice things for you, you’re going to give the game away.”
He was right. I’d been jumping like a startled bird all afternoon. “I can’t help it. You’re just so—”
“Charming,” he deadpanned, knowing it would get a laugh out of me.
“Attentive,” I clarified. “It’s taken me by surprise.”
He shrugged, turning to face me. “For all intents and purposes, you’re mine, Isla. That means you get what you want.”
I felt like the room was spinning. My hand was still on his arm. I should let go. I needed to let go.
“Did you get the money from Cameron yet?” His question came out of nowhere.
My brain skipped before catching up.
“Not yet,” I said. “But I still have a little bit of time until I need to worry about the trip.”
“What about the stack of unpaid bills on your kitchen table?”
I jerked. “You snooped through my mail?”
“I didn’t snoop. They were right there, Isla. I could—”
“No,” I said firmly, knowing exactly what he was about to offer. “If we win the baking contest, it will be a non-issue.”
His face softened, an unconcealed concern on his face that made my throat scratchy. “Does he help you at all? Give you child support for Teddy?” My back met his bedroom wall. Right there beside his Jurassic Park poster. “Please tell me he pays child support, or I’m going to lose my mind.”
“We’re in an ongoing discussion.”
“‘An ongoing discussion’? Fuck, Isla—”
“Don’t talk to me like that.” I poked my finger in his chest. “I might not have a fancy medical school degree, but I’m not an idiot—”
“I’m not calling you an idiot.” His hand circled my accusing finger, looking flabbergasted. “I’m pissed on your behalf. You know you can take legal action, right? You should be taking legal action.”
“I’m not going to sue Teddy’s dad.” I knew what it was to be a metaphorical punching bag between parents. The guilt that lingered when you couldn’t fix a problem that shouldn’t have been placed on your shoulders. I wouldn’t let Teddy experience that.
“Isla—”
I needed him to stop saying my name. To stop standing so close I could see my wide-eyed expression reflected in his glasses. It was making my stomach twist.
“Why do you care?” I snapped, sharper than I intended.
I rarely lost my temper with anyone and hated how easily the words coiled off my tongue.
“Just because we – because you—” Made me come.
I couldn’t even say the words. I was a child.
“We aren’t a real couple. So, let me handle my business, okay? Thanks for trying to help.”
“You know why I care. I’m sorry if I insert myself into your business.” He shook his head. “But it makes me sick to think of him walking all over you.” The words, his solemn expression, made me melt.
“I know.” I didn’t owe him an explanation, but I gave him one anyway.
The only one that made sense. “This is going to sound stupid, but when Cameron and I got together, it’s like .
. .” I searched for the words. “Like, I was treading water. Barely keeping my head above the waves and he . . . he plucked me to safety. Gave me financial security, a family – everything I’d been missing.
And when I felt the ship starting to sink, I clung to it – desperately.
” I felt so stupid now, so naive as I said, “I’d come to rely on him so completely, I couldn’t swim on my own.
” Tears pricked my eyes. “It’s taken me months to get to the point where I feel like I can breathe again.
This time, I need to learn to swim for myself. ”
His hand slid to cup my cheek. “I think you’re learning to swim beautifully, Isla, love.” There was that fizzing again. Deep in my belly. “Accepting help doesn’t mean you’re drowning.”
Unable to talk, I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. Just continued to stroke my cheek.
This was definitely breaking the rules.
“You don’t need to do that.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to back away. Had nowhere to go. “No one can see us.”
“Maybe I like touching you.” He cupped my cheek more completely. The pad of his thumb pressing against my lower lip. I exhaled roughly, antiseptic, mint and his expensive cologne making me dizzy. “I think you like me touching you too.”
He couldn’t mean . . . “We agreed—”
“I know what we agreed. Fuck!” His eyes burned into mine. If I peeled back his skin, I was certain I’d find flames licking along his veins. “All I’ve done for days is think about it. Searching for any excuse to poke holes in my own rules.”
This changes nothing. The memory hummed between us.
Despite the promise, something had changed for me.
This unwanted drag. This . . . curiosity.
Weeks ago, I’d labelled it dislike, unwilling to call it its true name.
Longing.
Now, as he continued to disarm me at every turn, that longing felt natural, instinctual. Like digging your feet in sand. A plant growing toward the sun. Like it had been wired into my brain emotionally, biologically or psychologically – I didn’t know; I’d almost flunked out of science class.
All I knew was that I had to be careful with it. I wanted him. But I also knew I couldn’t rely on him.
He never asked you to, I told myself.
He was going to leave, just like he said he would. Follow his plan.
That detail didn’t scare me as he stared at my lips, his thumb pressing them apart. “Isla . . .” Yes. Kiss me. I might have whimpered. “I think perhaps—”
A knock rattled the door. Startling us both.
Neither of us moved. Clinging to each other, our wild gazes locked.
I think perhaps – what? I wanted to scream.
A shout came through the door. “Put your clothes back on. Mum’s serving the pie.” Heather.
“Coming,” Alistair called, voice thick. His fingers seeming to tighten before releasing me slowly. Reluctantly.
A breath rushed out of me, the space between us suddenly so cold.
This was stupid for a million different reasons, but disappointment sat heavy in my stomach.
I’d wanted him to kiss me . . . would have welcomed anything he’d offered. All the while promising myself that a kiss with Alistair would never be anything more than exactly that – just a kiss.
It would be my safety net to ensure there’d be no fall waiting for me at the end of this.
No bone-crushing landing when he was gone.
But when we slid out of his bedroom door and my heart was still racing, the truth crept into me, unwelcome.
It was already too late . . . I was in this way too deep.