Chapter 27 #2
Juniper scoffed and straightened, stretching her arms over her head like she was settling in. “Okay, okay. I can read the room. This is where I tag-team in.”
“For what exactly?” Callum asked.
“To speed up this pussy-footing male bonding you were about to force me to unwillingly witness.” She waved a finger between us, moving further into the room.
“Why don’t we cut to the chase? You tell me what you did to fuck things up with Isla, and if I decide you deserve my help, I’ll tell you how to fix it.
What—” She paused, noticing Callum’s shocked expression. “I’d make a great couples therapist.”
“Harpy, every time we watch dating shows you yell at the TV, ‘Bury him beneath the patio,’” Callum said.
“Because most men deserve to be buried beneath the patio.” Her gaze shifted to me, and a shiver rippled down my spine. “If you fucked with Isla, I’ll help her bury you.”
I winced. Everyone was so certain I was going to hurt her. Shouldn’t that be sign enough that I should leave her alone? “It isn’t like that – fuck.” I dropped onto the sofa, tugging at my tie. I couldn’t breathe. “I need to start at the beginning.”
They stood, waiting, as I ran my tongue over my teeth, needing something to quiet the turbulent storm building inside me. “I’m selling the surgery,” I told Callum, staring him square in the eye. “I interviewed a guy today who’s the perfect replacement.”
The clock ticked several times before he finally spoke. “Why?”
Wasn’t that the big fucking question?
“Did you know Dad got me into medical school?”
Callum frowned, obviously confused about where this was going. “Yeah, I remember he made a few calls.”
I scoffed bitterly. Of course he’d told Callum.
“Well, I didn’t know. Didn’t find out until the end of my first term when I failed on a practice lab report.
My professor called me into his office and said, ‘I pulled a lot of strings on your dad’s behalf, you better not show me up, kid.
’” The words were etched into my brain, clear as day.
“The same happened with my first job too. The second my interviewer said, ‘I’m an old school pal of your dad’s,’ I knew the job was as good as mine. ”
I’d spent weeks prepping for that interview. Rehearsed my answers in the bathroom mirror until I could recite them like a script.
“I thought I’d let it go . . .” I continued. “But as I got older, I couldn’t stop competing with him. Killing myself to make partner as some kind of evidence that I could have done it all without him.” My gaze slid to Juniper. “It didn’t matter who I hurt in that process.”
Her lips pinched.
“So . . . let me get this straight. Dad dies, leaves his practice to you and with one fell swoop he’s stolen the opportunity for you to make partner on your own too?” Callum concluded.
“Essentially.” I nodded. I couldn’t tell him about all the shit that had gone down before I left Glasgow. Or that I was thinking of packing medicine in altogether.
“Is this new guy – the doctor you interviewed – is he good?” he asked.
My hands curled into fists. “He’s a little by the book, but more than qualified.” Unfortunately.
“So how does Isla factor into all this?” Juniper asked.
“She knows, we – we are—” I broke off, unable to admit aloud that it had been fake between us. Because it was real. Exquisitely real. For me at least.
At a loss for what to say, I settled on, “Neither of us wanted anything serious.”
“And now things feel serious?”
“I can’t breathe when I think about her.” Which is all the fucking time. I tugged at my tie again, certain it was strangling me. “Does that sound serious?”
Callum smiled softly, like he was watching a baby deer walk for the first time. “It sounds like you need to talk to Isla. Find out what you both want.”
And ask her what? Do you want to be my girlfriend?
No. Absolutely not.
“Isla doesn’t want a serious relationship after all the shit with her ex,” I said. “She’s been clear from the start that Teddy is her number one priority.”
I was completely on board with that. Teddy should be her priority.
I wanted Isla to be my priority.
Juniper laughed. She sounded happy. Happy for me or happy because I was miserable? “Okay,” she said. “Here’s what you’re going to do. Beg.”
“Beg?”
“Beg,” she confirmed.
My mouth hung open. Could it really be that easy?
“Women really aren’t as complicated as men like to make out. Literally all we want is a nice guy who isn’t a ‘nice guy’, who can provide ample orgasms and isn’t an emotionally closed-off bridge troll.”
“Every day you flatter me, sweetheart.” Callum kissed the side of her head.
“She’s right, though. I was going to suggest a tickle fight to exert dominance. Her advice was much better.”
Juniper held my gaze, a warning in her eyes that I understood.
“If you’re absolutely certain that you want this life with them, here on Skye, get on your knees and fucking beg her to be with you.
Then keep on begging every day for the rest of your life.
And if you’re not? Sell the surgery and let her go, because they both deserve better. ”
“They will always deserve better.”
“Cut that shit out too. Whatever this thing is that makes you hate yourself so much, let it go before it ruins the rest of your life,” she said. “And definitely let that shit go if it has anything to do with me, because I’m over it.” Her fingers linked with Callum’s. Point made.
I cleared my throat. “What about the surgery? I haven’t proved that I—” Was capable of it. Deserved it.
“To who?” Callum asked, glancing around the room as though the ghost of Jim Macabe might be perched at the kitchen counter.
“Maybe Dad did leave you the surgery as one final opportunity to make you feel small. Or maybe it’s because it was his life’s work and there’s no one else he’d entrust it to.
You’ll never know.” He released Juniper’s hand, and crouched down in front of me, gripping the sides of my face like he did when we were wee.
I was slightly taller than him now, but it still had the same calming effect.
“I might not know why, but I do know you were miserable in Glasgow. Those first few months you were home . . . it’s like your soul had been sucked right out of you.
Who gives a fuck why Dad left you the surgery, if it makes you happy? ”
It sounded so simple when he put it like that.
Could I really stay? Put all this shit with my dad aside and try to be the man Isla and Teddy deserved? Run Kinleith Surgery with the same care he had? For the rest of my life?
I wanted that. The realisation came in a slow, dragging pulse.
Working at the surgery every day and coming home to the cottage every night.
Not my cottage, with its dark windows and the moving boxes still lining the walls. But the one next door. Where the air always smelled like apple and cinnamon.
I’d kiss Isla the moment I stepped through the door. Kiss her until Teddy made a gagging sound, then we’d sprawl out on the rug to build Lego.
We could hang pictures on the walls.
Fill the cupboards with food.
Drag in a freshly cut tree every Christmas and stuff it with multi-coloured lights and enough ornaments to make the branches bend.
Then in the summer, Isla and I could sneak out into the garden once Teddy was asleep, lie out on a blanket and watch the stars. Dig our bare feet into the dry soil because we weren’t ever moving.
I could see that version of the future clearly in my mind.
I wanted it. So badly.
But wanting and doing were two very different things. And the problem was . . . I needed to trust myself.
Needed to be sure I could be happy here long-term.
My feelings for Isla were real, but we were also wrapped in that exciting little bubble that came with a new relationship. If it burst a year or two down the road, I’d hurt them both.
I cleared my throat, holding back the urge to run to Isla and make that future happen right now. “I need some time. To think it all through.”
“You should talk to her,” Callum said again. “And soon. I actually like having my wee brother home.”