Chapter 10 Derek #2
“What did we do on our first date?” she asks me.
The rest of the ride goes by in a pleasant blur as we make up a million backstories for our pretend relationship.
The sad thing is that I can picture it all like it was real—breakfast-for-lunch at a diner, roller-skating in the park, gorging ourselves on popcorn at the movies, dancing under the stars.
It all sounds like a lot of fun, the kind of fun I haven’t really let myself have in years.
By the time I pull up in the village, we’re both laughing. And I noticed that she didn’t seem as scared going down the mountain as she did on the way up. Maybe she just knew what to expect this time. But I tell myself that our conversation was a good distraction for her.
“So, what’s on our list?” she asks when I open her door for her.
I take her hand to help her down and keep hold of it, like last time. It would be a very easy habit to get used to.
“Well, I wanted to grab some extra bedding and maybe some books for J.B.,” I say. “But first I think my grandfather might need some things too, if you don’t mind.”
“He needs pajamas,” Darcy suggests right away. “He should be as comfortable as possible.”
“I was thinking the same thing, but I don’t think he would agree to that just yet,” I tell her, voicing my own worry. “Not if he’s going to have guests in his room.”
“What if they were like fancy silk pajamas?” she suggests. “And maybe we could find him a smoking jacket or something super-gentlemanly like that.”
“That’s actually a pretty good idea,” I say, chuckling as I picture it.
“Where would we even look for something like that?” she asks.
“I think there was a menswear store somewhere along Celestial,” I tell her.
We start off walking west, and I watch Darcy taking in the little town.
I love seeing her like this—happy, cheeks pink from the cold, the lazy snowflakes drifting down to kiss her hair and coat. She’s looking all around, clearly charmed by the decorations that are everywhere in this little town.
Lights shaped to look like the silhouettes of angels perch on the lampposts of Celestial Lane.
And every store seems to have boughs of pine or holly in the front window and twinkling lights illuminating holiday offerings.
Even the hardware store has an impressive light display and little elf figures lifting a snow shovel in the window.
Flyers advertising the upcoming Angel Mountain Christmas Mingle are up in half the windows. That takes me back. I loved that event when I was a kid.
I guess J.B. will get to participate this year. The idea makes me feel warm inside.
The people we pass as we walk down the sidewalk greet us with waves and genuine smiles. More than a few eyes slide down to our joined hands.
I’m a little older than Darcy. I might have felt a little self-conscious about it in the city where people recognize me. But here they have no idea who I am, and I’m not getting any sour glances that say she’s in it for the money.
Which is actually kind of funny because she is in it for the money.
I think about those big diamonds and wonder what she’s planning to do with her windfall.
“There,” Darcy says, pointing to a shop just ahead of us where the mannequins in the window model sporty suits with red and green dress shirts underneath.
I open the door for her and let her take charge of talking to the saleslady about what we want. She’s the one with the eye for detail.
We leave with a whole wardrobe for Grandpa Michael.
Darcy is pleased with the cardigans she chose for him to wear over soft t-shirts and turtlenecks.
And when she found warm sweatpants in a trouser cut that made them look like they weren’t sweatpants at all, she grabbed every pair they had in his size.
We also chose two pairs of silk pajamas and a gorgeous blue smoking jacket that Darcy thinks will bring out Grandpa Michael’s eyes. I can’t argue with her taste. I think he’s going to wear all this stuff happily.
Will it be partly because she’s so excited to give it to him? Probably. But he’s going to look sharp too, and hopefully he’ll know it.
We also head into a shop that sells linens and grab some extra blankets for the cabin.
I’m sure we could ask for more from the lodge but I don’t want Judi-Bloom getting cold.
Darcy grabs a couple of matching sheets and I don’t argue.
Maybe something was wrong with the sheets at the cabin. I didn’t notice.
I was too busy obsessing over my assistant.
We pass a store that sells candy by the pound and Darcy’s eyes light up at the sight of the colorful treats in the clear plastic bins.
“Come on,” I tell her, opening the door. “Let’s get you two some sweets.”
“Amazing,” she practically sighs, grabbing a clear plastic bag and starting by scooping up some peanut M&Ms. “If we can find some popcorn to pop J.B. will be so happy.”
I blink at her for a moment, amazed. She’s completely right. I just didn’t think Darcy knew my daughter well enough to know about her favorite movie snack.
“Remember to grab some stuff for yourself too,” I tell her gruffly. “What’s your favorite?”
She grins at me and scoops out some of those melt-in-your mouth puffy starlight mints like Grandma used to keep in a dish on the coffee table during the holidays.
“Really?” I ask.
“I know, I know,” she laughs. “They’re old-fashioned, but I love them this time of year. They make it feel like Christmas.”
She insists on paying for this stuff, which infuriates my inner caveman, but I figure it’s her way of telling me that she’s having a good time, which makes me feel an intense sense of gratitude to the universe that’s hard to describe.
She even puts her change in the donation can by the register for the town’s fundraiser.
“Are you hungry?” she asks me as we exit the store, waving goodbye to the salesgirl, who of course is the newest member of the Darcy fan club, even though they only spent about two minutes chatting at the counter.
“I could eat,” I tell her, even though we just had lunch an hour or two ago and I haven’t had a chance to work out yet today.
There are a couple of really nice-looking boutique eateries here that I’m guessing are new arrivals, here to serve the city crowd. One of them must have caught her eye.
“I saw a diner just up the street,” she tells me excitedly.
“The Better Angels Diner,” I say with a smile. “I haven’t thought about that place in forever.”
“You’ve been to it before?” she asks.
“Sure,” I tell her. “Back in my day Better Angels and Slice of Heaven were really the only spots in town.”
“Slice of Heaven?” she echoes.
“That’s the pizza shop,” I tell her. “One of several now, but back then it was the only one. The pizza was incredible.”
“Oh, I love a good pizza,” she says, like she can just taste it, and I find myself smiling.
“Would you rather go to Slice of Heaven?” I offer.
“No, no,” she says shaking her head. “Diners are my favorite.”
“The diner it is,” I tell her, offering her my arm.
She takes it and I feel a wave of longing that any of this could be real, that Darcy Keller could really be my girl.
Fiancée.
The diner is open and even though it’s actually kind of full, there’s a perfect booth by the window. A waitress motions us over to it, and I wait for Darcy to sit before taking the bench opposite hers.
I’m tempted to squeeze in next to her, but I know the temptation to touch her will be too great.
Across from her I’ll be able to look but not touch.
Her eyes are on the view out the window, and I follow her lead. It’s surprisingly enjoyable to look out over the park across the street, and at the twinkling lights on the shops, and all the smiling people carrying their bags and packages.
“I guess we can shop for J.B.’s presents in real life this year,” Darcy suggests. “As long as they have a good bookstore here.”
“They do,” I say, nodding.
My voice is gruffer than I mean for it to be again, but it’s only because I’m trying to cover the emotion she keeps bringing up in me.
My assistant shouldn’t help me choose my child’s Christmas presents. J.B.’s mom should be doing that with me.
But she’s gone and these are the options I have—go it alone, or build a village as best I can.
When my thoughts about Darcy were just empty fantasies, it didn’t feel like such a betrayal. But now that we’re going through the motions like we’re in a relationship I’m feeling the impact, even if it isn’t supposed to be real.
What if it is real, Addie? Would you forgive me?
She died so young. It feels unfair for some other woman to take her place in J.B.’s life when Addie herself got to experience so little of it.
“Mr. Lockwood,” Darcy says softly, before correcting herself. “Derek. Are you okay?”
Great, I’m spiraling in another direction now. Darcy Keller is giving me whiplash.
No. I’m doing this all to myself.
Kindhearted Darcy Keller is sitting in front of me, innocently worried because I’m scowling out the window like the Christmas tree in the home goods store across the street owes me money.
“I’m fine, Darcy,” I tell her, forcing my expression to soften and meeting her eyes. “I’m okay.”
But she doesn’t believe me, and I can tell.
Darcy shows every little thing on her sweet, expressive face. I don’t think she’s ever lied to me. I’m not sure if she could.
I’m honestly kind of surprised she’s been able to pull this off so far in front of my grandfather.
“Welcome, welcome,” a waitress with a tag that says Ellen says to us with a big smile. “Did you have a chance to look at the menu? What can I bring you?”
I haven’t looked at a thing besides Darcy and the view outside, but I don’t really need to.
“Do you have protein shakes, or green juice?” I ask.
“Well, sir, we just so happen to have—” Ellen begins.
“—No,” Darcy breaks in. “Absolutely not. You’re not doing that.”
I stare at her in complete surprise. Darcy is the most polite and pleasant assistant I’ve ever had.