Chapter 24 Derek
DEREK
Afamiliar darkness has me in its clutches by the time Darcy and I reach the barn again.
I remember the day I lost Addie. I couldn’t believe it was real. But over the coming weeks and months all that weight landed on me and the darkness would have swallowed me whole if not for Judi-Bloom.
Please, I pray silently. Please protect her.
Darcy leaps off her mare with the grace of a dancer and she’s reaching for Frankincense’s bridle when I hear something.
It’s a low sound, but a familiar one—a soft cry that’s had me running since the day she came into this world.
I let Darcy take the horses and hop off to follow it to the back of the barn.
The carriage is kept back there, as well as a large stall lined with pallets for storing fresh hay.
Grandpa Michael used to take me back there sometimes when he was cleaning and polishing the carriage.
When I got tired of helping him I would lie on the hay and listen to him hum while he worked.
When I get there, my eyes have to adjust to the dim light of a single lantern and I almost weep myself, with relief.
Grandpa Michael is sitting on a hay bale, and J.B. is in his arms, crying like her heart is broken.
“Look who’s here,” Grandpa Michael says softly to her as Darcy catches up.
“I’m n-not speaking to them,” she sobs. “They l-lied to me. He lied, and he said he never w-wants to lie to me.”
I feel another pang of guilt on top of the truckload that’s already weighing heavy on my chest. I did say that to her, the night I told her that her great-grandfather wasn’t well and didn’t want to have the surgery that could save him.
“You’re right,” he tells her. “He thought he was tricking us. But you have to remember, he wasn’t really lying to us. He was only lying to himself.”
That brings me up short.
Grandpa Michael looks up, capturing me in his knowing blue gaze, and I know in that moment that he’s seen right through me all along.
“You knew,” Darcy breathes. “You knew all along it wasn’t real, didn’t you?”
“Well, I knew you were playing a game,” Michael tells her with a half-smile.
J.B. straightens up and wipes the tears from her cheeks, her eyes going from Darcy to her great-grandpa. I guess she’s interested in seeing us get our comeuppance.
“A game,” I echo.
“I had my suspicions about what the game might be,” he goes on, turning to me. “But I knew that everything you were telling me should be true. I could tell that much the first time I saw the way you two look at each other.”
Darcy lets out a tiny sound that’s almost like a sob, and when I glance over, her eyes are misty.
He didn’t say it was the way I look at her—he said the way we look at each other.
Is he right?
“So I’m the only one who didn’t know what was going on?” J.B. wails. “This is worse than that time you told me if I swallowed a watermelon seed I’d grow a watermelon in my belly, Dad.”
But she’s smiling through her tears now, and I feel the knot around my heart loosen a little.
“Actually,” I tell her. “It sounds like I’m the only one who didn’t know.”
Suddenly everyone’s eyes are on me, and I know this is the moment of truth.
I’ve done things that people might call brave before. But right now all my business and career risks feel completely insignificant—the consequences of getting them wrong pale in comparison to what I’m about to do.
“Darcy,” I say, my voice breaking a little on her name.
Her beautiful brown eyes meet mine and I know I have to do this, even if it blows up in my face, because I’m burning alive without her.
“I think I’ve known it since the first time you walked into my office,” I tell her slowly. “Not just because you’re beautiful, or because you make me laugh, but because all my broken pieces seem to fit together when you’re around.”
I hear J.B. suck in a breath, like it’s the most romantic thing she ever heard, and I hope like anything that Darcy feels the same way.
“The world looks at me and only sees a powerful man,” I say, feeling a little ashamed to voice those words in case she thinks I’m bragging. “But you’ve drawn back the curtain and seen the imperfect human being inside. And you’ve never pulled away, not even when I was at my worst.”
Her eyes are on mine, luminous in the lantern light. The quiet of the barn is soft around us, and the faces of the people I love most give me the courage to go on.
“I’m sorry I didn’t handle my feelings better,” I tell her, meaning it with everything in me. “I’ve raged and made demands. I’ve denied what was between us, even to myself. And I’ve even asked you to lie, when I know that it’s not in your nature to be anything but truthful.”
She swallows, holding back some emotion and my heart aches.
“But if you can find it in your heart to give me the chance,” I tell her softly. “I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be the kind of man you make me want to be—the kind of man you deserve.”
“Oh, Derek,” she murmurs.
And then I’m moving to embrace her as she opens her arms to me, her chin tilted up like she’ll never look anywhere but my eyes again.
I cup her cheek in my hand for just a moment, soaking in this feeling that she’s really mine before I bend to kiss her.
Her lips are so soft and I’m surrounded by the light vanilla scent of her that makes me feel dizzy and demanding all at once.
It’s only when she pulls back that I remember that we have an audience.
“Well, now that’s settled,” Grandpa Michael says in a contented way.
I glance over and J.B. is grinning at me.
“There’s still one more mystery,” Darcy says, looking to my grandfather. “How did you know J.B. would be here in the barn?”
She’s right. That is impressive.
“Because I know that my great-granddaughter isn’t foolish enough to go galloping up the mountain in the middle of a snowstorm,” he sniffs.
J.B. starts giggling and then Darcy’s laughing too. The sound of their laughter is so bright and cheerful that I chuckle too, out of pure happiness.
“One more thing,” Grandpa Michael says. “If your doctor still has space, I’m ready to try the surgery.”
His words hang in the suddenly silent air.
“Really, Great-grandpa?” J.B. asks him softly.
“You all obviously still need me,” he tells her with a funny half-smile.
He’s right. We really do need him.
Darcy flings herself onto the hay bale next to him, wrapping her arms gently around his neck in a happy embrace, and J.B. opens her arms, telling me to join the group hug.
I fall to my knees on the floor of the barn and wrap my arms around the three people who are my whole world.