17. Lawton #2
Yawning, I shook my head. “You did more than give up the goodies. It’s gon’ be hard for you to get rid of me now.”
“No, it’s not,” she disagreed. “We had a deal. One night a week.”
“No. You said date night once a week. You ain’t say shit about us having sex once a week. If my memory serves me correct, I think you said something along the lines of me being able to get it whenever and wherever,” I teased.
“You’re a liar.” She punched me in the shoulder.
“I’m fucking with you.” I placed a kiss between her breasts.
“Is this the part where we cuddle after sex?”
“Ummhmm,” I hummed before yawning. “The best fucking part.”
“If you say so,” she sassed and rubbed her hands down my back. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“I have an obscured view when it comes to relationships, but you never said why you had one.”
Leaning up, I gazed into her eyes. “Are you prying?”
“If I gotta cuddle then surely you can talk.”
“You’re right.” Laying my head back down, I thought about it for a few seconds. “It wasn’t always like this. At one point, I wanted marriage and everything that came with it.”
“What changed?”
“Met a woman that I fell in love with. I mean so in love that I went against everything that I knew for her. The nature of our relationship was inappropriate as hell, but I didn’t care. I loved her enough to deal with whatever backlash we would face.”
“What you mean backlash?”
Skipping over the part about Adele’s age and her true identity I said, “She was married, and we were having an affair.”
“Lawton Harvey, you had an affair with a married woman?”
“For years. In my defense, her marriage was over with before we decided to fuck around. They were together on paper only.”
“That’s an excuse and you know it.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “Anyway, I was young and knew that when she finally got divorced, the two of us would be together. We had several conversations about what our life would look like when she was finally free.”
“She backed out?”
“Reversed her ass out of there.” I chuckled, lowly. “She got a taste of what single life was like and decided that she no longer wanted to be with me. She was cool with us still fucking and sneaking around but that was as far as she was willing to take it.”
“And you let that one thing turn you away from marriage?”
“Women are calculated. They give enough to keep you interested. When you start wanting more than they’re capable of giving, they pull back. That was the second time I’d ever had my heart broken at the hand of a woman. And I refused to let it happen a third time.”
“Second time. Who was the first?”
“My egg donor.”
“Oh wow.”
“Wow is right,” I assured.
“Your ex. Did you love her?”
Shifting my body, I finally pulled out of Talitha and laid beside her. Folding my hands behind my head, I stared up at the ceiling. “Loved. Thought I was in love, but I realized I wasn’t. I loved her because she was there, and I never felt abandoned or alone.”
“That’s deep.”
“Is it?” I questioned. “Or is it maniacal?”
“Could be a little bit of both,” Talitha offered.
“Exactly.”
“So, what was the final nail in the coffin for your ex? I know you said she wanted what you weren’t willing to give. But what made her finally walk?”
“Thanksgiving Day, we spent it with her family. Her little sister announced her engagement and pregnancy to the family. Her pops asked me when I was going to propose, and I told him never. I didn’t lie and Dahlia knew that.
I guess that was the night she had a revelation.
A few days later, I walk in on her destroying my house. ”
“What house? This one?”
“That is correct.”
“Damn,” Talitha sighed.
“Who are you telling?” I chuckled. “Cost me a lot of fucking money to replace everything.”
“You hurt her and that was her way of repaying you.”
“I hurt her, but it was her decision to stay as long as she did. The option to leave was always on the table. She thought she could change my mind.”
“I feel sorry for her.”
Leaning over, I pecked her cheek. “Don’t.” Tossing the covers back, I sat on the side of the bed. “She thought she could change me and realized she was wrong. My limits were my limits and had been since the first time I entertained her.”
“Doesn’t mean she didn’t have a right to change her mind, Harvey.”
“She did. I never said she didn’t. And just like she had a right to change hers, I had a right to not change mine.”
“Back to your first heartbreak. What did your mother do to you?”
“Nothing. She did absolutely nothing. She didn’t want me, and it showed. She never gave me any type of affection. Never cared to spend time with me.”
“If anyone knows what that’s like, it’s me.”
“At least you got to be raised by someone who loved you. I lived in the house with my mother until I went off to college. She hated my Pops for making her have me and because he couldn’t be faithful. Her resentment towards him had her resenting me.”
“That wasn’t fair.”
“Oh, I know. But it’s what happened. He had an outside child. She forbade him from seeing him.”
“You have a brother?”
“I do,” I disclosed. “That’s my whole heart, I’d give up my life for his.”
“That’s admirable.”
Looking at her over my shoulder, I recalled. “It’s what you do for people you love. Isn’t that what you told me in regard to Gema?”
“Smart.” She wagged her finger at me. “Is your brother anything like you?”
“Complete opposite. He was raised by his mom until she passed then he came to live with us. And you wanna know what’s so fucked up?”
“What?”
“My mother loves him. She hated his existence until he had no choice but to move in with us. He’s the child she always wanted.”
“Wait.” She paused. “How does that work?”
“When you figure it out, make sure you fill me in…” I jested.
“So, you don’t have a relationship with her, but your fathers outside child does?”
“Yep. I pay her bills and give her money every month. He’s the one that sees her often. They live right up the street from each other.”
“That’s gotta hurt,” Talitha presumed.
“Surprisingly, it never did. She came into his life at a time where he needed her the most.”
“I’m sorry Law.”
“Don’t be. Like you said… it’s life.”
Finally getting up from the bed, I snatched my towel off the floor and wrapped it around my waist.