31. Lawton
Lawton
Iappreciated Talitha for stepping in when she did.
Had she not, me and my mother would have probably ended up arguing.
I never intentionally bad mouth her nor did I shout from the top of the roof how jaded and twisted our history was.
I simply just ignored the situation and opted out of dealing with it.
I knew bringing her around everyone had the potential to give them a glimpse into a part of my life that I’d intentionally kept hidden.
Hendrix, Preme, and Talitha knew the most about our relationship, so it wasn’t a secret to either of them. I’d been in my head and shit, my heart for that matter, regarding repairing our relationship.
I won’t lie like when that call came through from Preme regarding her accident I wasn’t scared shitless. I’d purposely kept myself away for so long that I didn’t know how I would feel when I saw her lying in that hospital bed.
Upon seeing her bruised face my heart slowed down, she was alive. Had the situation gone another way, I would’ve been burying her without hashing out our issues.
For the past few days, I’d wrestled with the idea of reconciling with her; accepting her apology and just letting the shit go. She wanted to put the past behind us, but I felt like we needed to confront it.
I mean, just brushing the shit to the side wouldn’t do anything but have us bringing it up anytime we disagreed on something. I’d always told Preme I would talk to her when I was ready and after exposing my relationship with Adele, I was no more ready than I was before I got that call.
One day I would get there but today I wanted to get her out of the house and bring her around my people. A part of me wanted her to see how good I was doing, wanted her to regret not playing a bigger role in my upbringing. I wanted her to see that I made it despite her not being there for me.
Sliding up beside me, Preme leaned across the railing and stared out at the field. “I wanted to tell you thank you for putting your pride to the side.”
“I did this for me. Not her.”
“Don’t matter the why. You did it and that’s all that matters.”
“She tell you I told her ‘bout Adele.”
“She did,” he confirmed. “Called Adele up and told her the next time she saw her she was gon’ beat the shit out of her.”
“I believe her.” I laughed.
“Shit me too,” he agreed. “How you feeling ‘bout that?”
“What… Adele?”
“Mama knowing.”
“Don’t really know.” I shrugged. “I only told her out of spite. I knew it would hurt her.”
“That it fucking did. You not worried ‘bout this messing up business with Adele?”
“Believe me, Adele ain’t stupid enough to cross me.”
“Good. I like her.”
“Who… Talitha?”
“Yeah. Like her for you.”
“I love her.” I don’t know when the shit happened, but it did, and I’ve accepted it.
“Love her like you loved Dah?” Preme queried.
“Nawl. I love her.”
“Does she know?”
“She doesn’t.”
“Come on, Dutch,” he groaned.
“Things in her past has her incapable of accepting my love, Preme. Ain’t like I’on wanna tell her. I just know that the point she is in- in her life, has her feeling she’s not worthy of it. Until she can come to grips with the shit, me telling her won’t make a difference.”
“You could try.”
“She’s not ready. Believe me. And in a way, neither am I. The way I feel for her surpasses anything I ever felt for Adele.”
“Damn, Dutch,” Preme sighed.
“It’s that deep. I let her meet Mama.”
“Dah met mama.”
“By default. It was never intended for the two of them to cross paths. This–” I pointed. “Was intentional. I’m trying Preme. Give me that aight.”
“One thing at a time,” he conceded.
“One thing at a time.”
“I’mma go check on Mama. Loosen up and enjoy yourself. Yo’ ass sitting here all uptight as usual. It’s okay to let ya’ guard down, Dutch.”
“One thing at a time,” I reiterated over my shoulder as he walked off.
Telling Preme how I felt about Talitha was my first time admitting the shit. I knew I loved her the moment she admitted that her stepdad was the one responsible for years of torment. Knew I loved the shit out of her when I’d made it my mission to find out everything about him.
Unbeknownst to her or anyone else, I’d been plotting on how and when I was going to knock him off the fucking map. The love I had for her exceeded anything I’d felt for anyone else. Like I told Preme, I wouldn’t admit the shit to her until I knew she was in the place to receive it.
“Why you separating yourself from everyone? These yo’ people.” Grabbing her by the hand, I helped Gema take a seat before occupying the space beside her.
“I’m not separating myself. Just taking it all in.”
“Your mother… she’s a rather peculiar one.”
“She’s something else,” I nodded.
“You gotta forgive her, Law.”
“What makes you think I haven’t?” I tossed my eyes in her direction before looking back out to the field.
“It’s in your mannerisms. Before she showed up, you were jovial. I’ve watch you stand there like a black cloud was lingering over your head.”
“In a way it is,” I chortled.
“You gotta forgive her. Gotta figure out how to love her in spite of how she didn’t love you. You can’t have resentment in your heart cause all it’s gone do is hold you back from our girl and when I’m gon’ she will need you to hold her up.”
“Where you going Gema?”
“To be with my husband when the good Lord ready to call me home.”
“Don’t let Talitha hear you talking like that. She will never let you out of her sight.”
“I’ve made peace with it, Law. God put you in her path for a reason. When it’s my time, I can go comfortably cause I know she’s got you.”
“She will always have me.”
“I know that, but she doesn’t. She gon’ fight against you. It’s gon’ be days where she gon’ try and push you away. When those days come… you stay and you fight. You gotta be the one with the strength cause she ain’t gon’ be able to do it by herself regardless of how much she says she can.
Tali only knows unconditional love from me and Joe. Litha loved that child until she found out what Joe Lee did. She chose that sour man over that girl, and it ruined her. She got a hold on her heart so tight Law, and don’t know how to let it go. Just don’t give up on her. She can’t take it.”
Grabbing Gema by the hand, I squeezed it. “I’ll never give up on her. I only want what’s best for her.”
“I’m knowing it but she too stubborn to see it. You’re a good man Law; whoever raised you did a damn good job. But you got to forgive yo’ mama fo’ you can love my baby properly.”
“I can forgive her; it’s forgetting that’s the hardest part.”
“Ain’t gotta forget. Just forgive her. When you meet Graelyn, you’ll understand why forgiveness so important.”
“Who is Graelyn, Gema?”
“You’ll meet her soon enough.” She smiled. “Tali said I get to meet the players.”
“You do.” I bobbed my head. “We will go down after the game so you can take pictures with a few of them.”
“Ummhmm, I want a picture with Deuce. That right there been my man since he signed his contract.”
“Deuce, Gema?” I laughed.
“Whoo… that thang know he is fine.”
“I’mma tell Tali you over here being fast.”
“Where you think she gets it from?” Gema winked.
The rest of the day was spent with Talitha getting to know the other half of my friend group.
Between her and Promise, I swear they’d went through about three bottles of fucking Tequila.
Her ass was going to be hung over and in a pissy mood in the morning but as long as she’d enjoyed herself, that was all that mattered.
My conversation with Gema had me spending the rest of the game seated beside my mama and Preme. I promised Gema I was going to try, and I meant that.
Going forward, I planned to be more present where my mother was concerned. As far as me and Talitha, I knew I loved her. My actions showed it. Whenever she was ready to really receive it, I would let her know. Until then, all I could do was remain by her side.
* * *
“Dutch, you gotta show up. She’s refusing to turn over the shipment. I told you this shit was going to happen!” Preme fussed on the other end of the phone.
It was two o’clock in the fucking morning when he called bitching about Adele not letting them unload the drugs off the plane. Him and Drix had been going back and forth with her ass for the past fucking hour and she was refusing until I showed up.
It had been weeks since I’d outed us to my mother and apparently Adele was feeling some type of way. To the point where her ass was interrupting the flow of my business. The longer the plane sat at the fucking hangar, the more we were in jeopardy of being caught.
Flipping the cover back, I slid out of bed and covered Talitha back up before walking in the bathroom.
“Did you tell her what the fuck I said?”
“Man,” he groused. “I did all of that shit. Bitch still won’t let me get my shit!” Preme snapped.
“Tell that nigga he either gon’ roll up or I’m ‘bout to smoke this bitch!” Drix fussed in the background.
“Give me twenty minutes,” I said and ended the call.
Talitha stayed right up the road from the Fulton County Airport so it would take me no time to get there. I don’t know what the fuck Adele’s issue was, but this wasn’t how I ran my shit.
She knew it and so did the rest of the crew. If she had a problem with me, she could’ve picked up the phone and reached out. Playing around with my brother and Drix safety was the fastest way to get on my bad side.
After handling my hygiene, I threw on a pair of sweats and jogged down the stairs. Once I cut the alarm, I grabbed my keys and slipped out of the house. Normally I wouldn’t make this type of run without Baker being with me, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
I wasn’t worried about my safety with Preme and Drix being there, but I was sure once Baker caught wind of the situation, his ass was going to be pissed that I hadn’t called him.
Pulling up to the airstrip, I let my window down and waved at the arm guard before being granted entrance.
Once I pulled my truck around the back, I noticed that Drix, Preme, and Dreaux were standing in front of the truck while Adele stood there with her hands on her hips.