34. Talitha
Talitha
“Ithink we should try and get her in a rehab facility. These doctors round here don’t know nothing. Hell, the one just left out barely a man. Boy look like he still got milk on his breath,” Bonnie fussed.
“Mama got a brain bleed y’all. She ain’t gone come back from that and if she do, what kind of life is she gon’ live.” That comment spewed from my mama’s mouth.
“Tali what you think?” Willearl asked.
Gema had been unconscious for two days. Two whole days I’d sat in her hospital room and listened to them go from crying their eyes out to telling me what they thought I should do.
I knew what I had to do. Gema and I discussed things like this after Papa Joe passed.
Gema made me promise that when the time ever came, I wouldn’t hesitate to pull the plug.
She ain’t want no machine breathing for her.
I knew what I had to do and yet it still ended up being the hardest decision I ever had to make. I was angry. Angry at her for doing this to me. Putting me in the situation where I had to choose between keeping her here or losing my best friend.
Gema was all I had left in this world and now I was going to have to figure out how to live without her. My first full day here, I got in bed and laid there with her, begging her to wake up.
When word hit around town about her condition, people started flooding the hospital to pay their respects and out of respect for Gema, I kept my mouth closed when I really wanted to put everybody the fuck out.
Law had been my peace in the middle of this storm. He’d been the only thing keeping me sane. The night we made it into town, I refused to see her. I needed to get my emotions in check, and after sitting outside of the hospital for hours, I begged Law to take me to the hotel.
There wasn’t much I could do and since everybody else was sitting around her bed, shedding tears, I decided to give myself a moment to gather my feelings. With everything falling apart, I had to step up and be the backbone for people that I barely liked.
“Talitha,” Law grabbed my hand. “Did you hear what they said?”
Making eye contact with him, I dropped my head and massaged the back of my neck. “Gema doesn’t want to be on a machine. Her one wish was for me to let her go if this was the only option,” I finally croaked out.
“Then I say it’s settled. We can memorialize her before we let them unplug the machine,” Willearl delivered then sat back in his chair.
“I’m with Willearl on this one,” my mama agreed. “I done already reached out to Willie Watkins; they’ll come pick the body up. All that’ll be left to do is plan the funeral and figure out how we gon’ divide the assets.”
“This my Mama you talking ‘bout Litha. This ain’t ‘bout no money!” Betty Jo groused. The way her voice rose an octave gave off how perturbed my mama statement had made her.
“I ain’t say it was ‘bout no money. But the funeral gots to be paid for and I know Mama and Daddy had some money stashed away for that.”
“Gema funeral has been paid for and is already planned. Mr. Watkins will not be doing the body. And her plot is right next to Papa Joe.” I lifted my head from Gema shoulder long enough to let them know.
“Who paid for the funeral?” my mama asked.
“Who else?” I retorted. “Gema planned it the same time we planned Papa Joe’s. She was prepared for this. I keep trying to tell y’all she always been in her right mind. Y’all was the ones thinking she wasn’t.”
“Well, what ‘bout the money?” Meat asked.
Nigga ain’t been home since Papa Joe funeral and got the nerve to ask ‘bout some fucking money. Like we not sitting in the room with my granny on life support.
“What money, Meat? What money y’all think y’all ‘posed to be getting?”
“I know Mama had a will.”
“Yes she did.” Sitting up, I swung my legs around and stood from the bed. “Gema ain’t leave nothing to nobody but me.”
“What the hell you mean she ain’t leave nobody nothing?” Willearl asked.
“She didn’t,” I huffed. “And as far as I’m concerned, she made the right call. Y’all couldn’t wait for this day to come. The only thing standing in the way of y’all and some money y’all thought y’all was entitled to was Gema.
With her out the way, I guess y’all thought it was ‘bout to be some big pay out. That’s fucking selfish and it’s tacky as fuck. This y’all mama. The fucking plug ain’t even been pulled and y’all worried ‘bout money. Damn!” I spat.
“You taking it the wrong way, Tali,” Louise tried to intervene.
“I’m taking it the way y’all putting it out there. This one–” I pointed to my mama. “Dealt with Gema cause she thought it was gon’ give her some brownie points. Meat, you don’t come around, don’t call, hell… don’t even send a fucking birthday card.
Louise you just… I can’t even begin to tell you ‘bout yo’ self. Willearl you halfway decent, at least you tried sometimes. Hell, I applaud you for your half ass effort. Betty Jo… Pick a fucking side and stay there. That back-and-forth shit ain’t getting you nowhere at all.
Wanna know what I’mma do with the money?
I’mma keep the fucking property taxes paid on the house and put the rest in the bank for a rainy day.
A ‘in case one of y’all fuck up’ day. I promised Gema I would look out for y’all and I’mma keep my promise.
I’m giving y’all twenty-four hours to make peace before I have the machines unplugged.
When I settle on a time and date for the funeral, I’ll hit y’all up. I’ll be back tomorrow. I can’t do this with y’all today.” Grabbing my purse off the couch from by Law, I tossed it over my shoulder and stormed out of the room.
My granny laid up in the bed essentially brain dead and they asking ‘bout some fucking money. I don’t know what was sadder; the fact that they ain’t care enough about her to be respectful at her bedside or the fact that all they was concerned with was some money.
“Talitha, wait up,” Law called after me.
“I just–” Shaking my head, I spun around in his direction with tears in my eyes.
“They make me so fucking mad. I’m so angry Law, and I’m trying.
God knows I’m trying. Trying hard not to show my natural black ass in these folks hospital cause God forbid they ban my ass and I can’t say my proper goodbyes. ”
Grabbing me by the hand, Law pulled me into his chest. “The shit they’ve got going on is something they’ll have to answer for. Your only mission right now is fulfilling Gema’s last wishes and laying her to rest properly.
Why go back and forth with them about something that was solidified years ago? You don’t owe them anything. Gema and your grandfather made the decisions they made for a reason.”
“I keep trying with them because I feel like it’s the right thing to do…
ya’ know,” I cried. “Gema wouldn’t want us to be sitting up here arguing, and definitely not about no fucking money.
They just make me so… ugh!” I groaned louder than I planned.
“Please get me out of here. Take me back to the hotel where Mrs. Jessie is. I can’t stay here like this.
The more I try to be strong, the more they do or say something to piss me off. ”
“Let’s go love. We can come back later when everyone has retired for the evening.” Slipping his hand inside of mine, Law walked me out of the hospital.
* * *
“You know it’s always the ones who do the least that expects something. Black people kill me when someone passes. They barely come around while they’re alive and the minute they pass, everybody sitting around with the hand out looking for something.
Do you know your daughter had the nerve to say we need to go ahead and sell the house. Sell a house that she has never had anything to do with. Gema, I’m trying.” I chuckled bitterly.
“Then that Meat. Good God. Boy looking for some money. What money Gema? You left Meat something and ain’t tell me? Louise round here acting like somebody blaming her for all of this. She barely holding her head up cause she scared I’mma say something to her.
Ain’t nobody blaming her. I swear fo’ Papa Joe. I know you clumsy, been saying it for months. I’m not mad at her. But you know who I am mad at. You! I’m so angry with you Gema cause you knew better. You knew to call somebody if you needed to get up out of the bed.
You know when the sun go down, you get a lil’ confused. I bet that’s what happened.” I gripped her hand tighter. “You woke up and realized you wasn’t at home in yo’ bed and prolly was ‘bout to come looking for me.
You knew better Bertha Mae. I done told you so many times don’t get up out that bed in such a rush. You know you gotta sit there for a minute to let yo’ head stop swimming.
I know… I know… All I do is fuss but girl you don’t be listening.
And look at you now.” I reached out and stroked her hair.
“Laid up in the hospital with a tube going down ya’ throat.
What I’m supposed to do now girl? How I’m supposed to let these people turn off this machine and go on ‘bout life like everything all good. Girl…” I sucked in a deep breath when I felt my tears start to flow down my face.
“You tell Papa Joe, I did it. I did everything he told me to do. I want you here with me but I know your place is up there with him. Bertha Mae, you’re a saint if I ain’t never seen one before.
Thank you for rescuing me from that dark place and loving me in spite of my flaws.
Thank you for instilling morals and values in me.
Thank you for molding me into the woman I am today.
Most importantly thank you for giving me a chance at life.
I know you prolly tired of hearing me talk now so I’ll stop. I wanted to speak my peace before everybody came back up here. Don’t show out to bad when you get to Heaven girl.
You better get up there and act like you got some sense. Like I raised you right.” Wiping my eyes on the sleeve of my cardigan, I dropped Gema’s hand and stood from the chair I’d pushed up to her bedside.