Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
O ur eyes locked. I wasn’t imagining anything. It was Dan. My Dan. My very own ex. The guy I had been having sex with, on and off, for nearly a decade. So, he was the guy that Sarah had been seeing. The one she liked and had been texting every day since they’d had their first date. After everything, why didn’t she feel she could tell me about it? Why not be honest from the outset?
Thoughts were flying around inside my head, not making any sense. How long had they been talking? Was it when we found him on the dating app? Who made the first move? Were they falling in love? I looked down at Bing in his carrier, as he started scratching at the floor, making me remember why I was there. I released the catch on his carrier. I didn’t look at Sarah. I couldn’t.
I directed my comments to the cupboard door. “He’s eaten already this morning. Don’t let him make you think he’s dying of hunger at any time. He will be lying.” I picked up his bag of food and toys and placed them on Sarah’s table. “His things are in there. Dreamies, too. No more than five a day, or else he’ll be sick, probably in the last place you want him to be. There’s a blanket in there that might make him a bit more comfortable in a new place, he likes to sleep on it. Thank you so much.”
“Jenny…” Sarah stepped towards me.
“I have to go, I have some things still to pack.” I turned towards the door.
“Don’t go.”
“I’ll call you when I’m home and arrange to pick him up. Thanks again for having him.”
“Jenny…” I heard Dan’s voice as I pulled the front door open and stepped outside, but I didn’t stop to hear what he had to say. I kept on going, almost dropping my car keys as I fumbled with them in my pocket to get the car door open. I had to get away as quickly as I could. I was followed closely by a frantic Sarah, who grabbed my car door, preventing me from shutting it and driving away as fast as possible.
“I’m sorry,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “I was going to tell you when you got back. I didn’t know where this would lead. Whether it would even lead anywhere. I wasn’t sure how to tell you. We just–”
“I need to go, Sarah. We’ll talk after my holiday, like we originally planned to do.” I held on to the steering wheel, too scared to look at her in case I started to cry too.
“Look, I get that it’s weird and I can kind of understand why you’d feel a bit jealous, but–”
“Jealous?” I cut her off. “You think I’m jealous? Sarah, Dan can do whatever the hell he likes. You can do what you like. You and he can do whatever you like together. You’re both single adults. I don’t care that you and he are together. You’re both great, amazing people. If I’d liked him in that way, then I would have taken that step with him when he wanted to make it more serious.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Her panic switched to confusion. It made me angrier. How could she not understand why I was so upset with her? I finally looked at her.
“The problem is, after everything we have been through, not just the last twelve months, everything , you couldn’t pick up the phone and tell me you were going on a date with Dan.”
“I didn’t know how you’d react.”
“And that’s the problem. You didn’t want to find out how I might react. You just went ahead even though you thought there was a possibility that I would be mad. That is the problem.”
“I’m sorry.” It was her turn to be at a loss for words. Dan appeared at the doorway, not saying anything. Sarah tried again. “I did a really shitty thing. I’ve betrayed you. Please, Jenny, can we talk?”
“I need to go. I’ll see you when I get back.”
Sarah stepped back and allowed me to shut the car door. I pulled away and drove off, not wanting to look at either of them.
I barely registered my brother’s Tesla parked outside my house when I got back. I just reversed onto my drive without really paying attention. I was so upset and distracted that I had to do a quick check to be sure that I’d pulled onto the correct drive.
My head was spinning with thoughts by the time I got home from Sarah’s. I’d needed to clear my head, so on the way home I drove to Ogden Reservoir, where I knew it would be peaceful at that time of day and I would be able to clear my head.
As I followed the trail around the water that was surrounded by trees and passed the odd dog walker who nodded in greeting, I found a sheltered bench and sat down. I tried picturing Sarah and Dan together. I had known them both for such a long time. Dan had matured over the years. From the look of his dating-app profile, he really was ready for love, and I trusted him to look after Sarah. Also, if he was going to find the right kind of girl anywhere who would be a partner as well as a best friend, it was Sarah. She had learned from her mistakes with Max The Wanker, and while her barriers might have been up with other dates, she would know what she was getting with Dan as I had spoken about him for years, so why couldn’t she speak to me about him?
After a while, I wandered around the reservoir once more, and thought about all that Sarah and I had been through together, over the years. The immature boyfriends, the horrors of university hangovers, the first holiday to Zante all those years ago, and all the other trips since. We were best friends, maybe even soulmates, so why couldn’t she have spoken to me first? Why couldn’t she have told me they were meeting up for a date?
Zack met me in the hallway as I walked through the front door.
“Where’ve you been? I was getting worried.” He hugged me close. “I tried calling, but you didn’t answer. Are you all right?”
I could see the worry in his eyes. I could feel his heart beating fast.
“Oh, fine,” I lied. “I was just making sure Bing was settled in before I left. Got his litter tray set up and all that.” Great, now I was the dishonest one. On my walk, I had wondered about telling Zack why I’d had a falling out with Sarah. Would he take it the wrong way and think I was jealous about Sarah and Dan, like she had thought initially? Or would he understand that I felt betrayed? I didn’t want to be a hypocrite and keep things from him. “Actually, I had a thing with Sarah…”
“Is she back? Is she still in one piece?” Andrew’s voice shouted from the living room. Had Zack called in the cavalry to search for me?
“Hey,” I walked into the room and found Andrew sitting comfortably in an armchair with a brew, “what are you doing here?”
“Liz found my stash of sausage rolls in the garage and threw me out.”
“What?!” I dropped my bag to the floor at his announcement. “Are you being serious? Oh, that bloody woman…”
“I’m kidding! Calm down. I have that integrated fridge in one of the units, so she’ll never find out.” He winked. “But if you have any bacon, I’d be up for a butty. And sausages. And burgers. Anything, just feed me something meaty so I don’t call at Burger King on my way home.”
Zack laughed. “The poor guy! He’s lacking good, decent protein. I’ve got us a pepperoni pizza for tea, you’re welcome to have some if you like?” he offered.
“Actually, I won’t stick around much longer.” Andrew checked his phone. “Liz is needing me back to help get the kids fed, bathed and in bed. But if I leave now, I’ll be able to nip to Tesco and grab something to eat. Build up my strength. Cora isn’t a fan of going to sleep without a fight.” He rubbed his eyes and stood up.
“You never answered my question,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Can’t a big brother call in on his little sister to chew the fat? Actually, I was just passing, had a conference at a hotel in Halifax and thought I’d call in while I was over this way. Zack and I were just catching up, talking sports, debating the best way to build a fire, typical man stuff.”
“Okay, okay. Go back to your mud hut and eat your homemade hummus. We’ll be tucking into a meat-filled pizza as soon as you’re gone.”
He playfully punched my arm, and then pulled me in for a hug goodbye.
“Have a great holiday. Zack was telling me about the villa. It sounds awesome! A lot better than that place you stayed in Zante with the–”
“We don’t need to go there!” I almost shouted. I knew I’d regret telling him about it when it happened, but I needed him to cover for me at the time.
“Oh, before I go, Mum told me to remind you to shave your legs. ‘Tell her it’s Greece, not Germany’,” he said, mimicking her voice.
“Oh my God. Goodbye Andrew, it’s been a pleasure.”
“Ha, ha! See you soon, bud.” He patted Zack on the back as I forcefully but nicely shoved him out of the door before he could say anything more to try and embarrass me.
“That was random,” I said. “I can’t remember the last time my brother was at my house. What was he really up to?”
“He was just passing after a work thing, like he said.” Zack shrugged. “So, we had a chat over a coffee. Are you hungry yet? I’ll go put some food in the oven. Then it’s time for an early night.” He kissed me on the head and made his way to the kitchen.
I pulled my phone out of my bag. There were several missed calls and a message. Quite a few were from Zack, who had been trying to find out where I was, but there was a message from Sarah too.
Please forgive me. I did a shitty thing. You didn’t deserve that. Call me. I’ll always be here. The Greek word for ‘tea’ is ‘toai’ if you need to use it. Xxx
I put my phone away. I wasn’t ready to call her just yet.