Chapter 35
SJ spent Christmas Day at her parents’ house with her family and with a delighted Ash, who loved being around lots of people.
Since the disastrous ruby wedding party and SJ’s subsequent time in hospital there had been a lot of family discussions. There had been recriminations galore but there had been much forgiveness too.
At first her parents had found it really difficult to understand her alcoholism because their views were the same as SJ’s had once been. Alcoholics were sad old men in raincoats who sat on park benches swigging bottles of meths.
She had finally got them to understand that an alcoholic was someone who, once they’d started, couldn’t stop, and when she arrived for dinner on Christmas Day, it was to find an apparently alcohol-free house.
‘Hello, love.’ Her mum turned from the stove. ‘Would you like a Diet Coke? Jim, can you get Sarah-Jane a Diet Coke?’
‘It’s okay, I can get it myself.’ SJ headed to the fridge and discovered it was jammed with soft drinks. Her parents really had made an effort.
* * *
Even Alison was on her best behaviour. She, Sophie and Noah had arrived about half an hour after SJ.
Clive was conspicuous by his absence. SJ already knew they’d separated since her revelations about his affairs at the party, and divorce had been mooted, but she’d thought they might have buried the hatchet at Christmas for the children’s sakes.
‘No chance,’ Alison filled her in as soon as they were alone. ‘He’s gone to his parents’ and the kids are going over there tomorrow.’
‘Last time we spoke you said there might be hope of a reconciliation, though, didn’t you?’
‘I thought there might be. We tried couples therapy, but it seemed to make things worse. It serves me right. I didn’t marry Clive for love,’ she added in her usual candid way, ‘I married him for money. And it seems he didn’t marry me for love either.
He married me because I was pregnant. So we’ve both been lying our entire marriage. ’
‘I’m sorry I outed him at the party.’
‘Oh, don’t be.’ Alison fixed SJ with her cool blue gaze. ‘The truth is you did us a favour. If you hadn’t blurted out about his affairs we might have gone on lying forever. Cheating men are no use to anyone.’
‘Or cheating women,’ SJ added pointedly.
‘I know. And I’m so sorry. I truly am. I’ve never explained about all that stuff with Jacob, have I? I know I probably should have done, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.’
There was a flush across her collarbones. As usual her sister looked stunning in a pale lemon blouse with tiny pearl buttons and a matching row of pearls at her throat. But SJ didn’t feel inferior any more. The endless sessions with Kit had given her so much more than a way to stop drinking.
‘I didn’t go round planning to seduce Jacob.
Truly. I was just flirting and he wasn’t unwilling.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but actually I think I did you a huge favour.
If he was prepared to drop his trousers for me – well, he’d have done it for any woman.
So if it hadn’t been for me, you might not have found out what a total bastard the guy was. ’
SJ snorted in a mixture of amusement and outrage. She was not letting that one go by – no matter how much she tried to turn the other cheek these days and see the other person’s point of view.
‘You don’t half talk a load of old bollocks sometimes, Ali.’
Her sister’s eyes widened in shock. Perhaps she should have been more subtle.
Now they were finally under the same roof she didn’t want to start a fight and ruin their parents’ Christmas.
SJ reminded herself she hadn’t started it.
Alison had – she was obviously still trying to justify her self-seeking behaviour by pretending her motives were altruistic.
‘It is not rubbish. It’s true. Jacob was a…’
SJ put her hands in front of her, palms facing forward. ‘Enough. You didn’t get off with him because you wanted to show me he wasn’t worthy of me. You just had too much to drink – and you fancied him. And let’s face it, you didn’t think I’d find out.’
Her voice had been louder than she’d intended and Ali’s face had gone the colour of their parents’ terracotta floor tiles.
‘What’s with all the shouting?’ said an interested voice from the door. Noah was grinning broadly and SJ wondered how much he’d heard.
‘By the sound of it, Mum’s rewriting history again.’ Sophie stood behind him, her lips set in a disapproving twist. ‘You said Auntie SJ didn’t talk to you any more because you didn’t get on with her first husband – and you told her what a dodgy geezer he was. You didn’t say you’d actually…’
‘Shut up, the pair of you. This is a private conversation between me and your aunt.’
‘You shouldn’t shout, if you want things to be private.’
‘Nanna said to tell you dinner’s ready in ten,’ Noah added, stuffing a handful of peanuts in his mouth.
‘I said shut up! And stop eating peanuts. You’ll be too full for dinner.’
SJ swallowed a smile as Sophie and Noah backed out of the room and turned her attention back to her sister.
To her surprise, Alison’s eyes were suddenly awash with tears. ‘I am sorry, Sarah-Jane. I know what I did was awful.’
Some of SJ’s anger melted in the face of her sister’s obvious distress now she’d been outed in front of her own children. ‘Yes, it was,’ she said, softer now. ‘I know you’ve never liked me that much, Ali, but I still didn’t think you’d do something like that.’
‘Why do you think I’ve never liked you?’ Alison rummaged around in her bag for tissues. She sounded quite surprised.
‘Cutting the tail off My Little Pony because you wanted to make a wig for your Barbie; swapping my best top for those sparkly jeans you used to wear night and day; pretending to be ill so Mum and Dad couldn’t come to my school play.
’ SJ counted on her fingers as she went, and noticed her nails were growing back nicely.
She hadn’t bitten them lately. ‘Not to mention hiding my English assignment on the Brontes – I know that was you. Need I go on?’
‘I was jealous. I did most of those things to get Mum’s attention because I thought she loved you better than me.’
‘What? Now that really is ridiculous.’
‘No, I’m serious. She never stopped going on about you. All I ever heard when I was growing up was, “Why can’t you be more like Sarah-Jane? More sensible, more grown up, more responsible.” I was sick to death of you being held up like some paragon of virtue.’
She sounded quite miffed and it was SJ’s turn to be surprised, although actually several of those phrases rang true.
She’d overheard Mum saying them herself.
Maybe her childhood hadn’t been as black and white as it seemed either.
Maybe all children thought their parents loved their siblings better than them.
Maybe it was just one of those universal truths.
* * *
‘Table looks nice, Mum,’ Alison said as they all sat down to dinner. ‘Did you get these crackers from Morrisons? Why have we got two each?’
‘They were buy one, get one free,’ their mother said proudly. ‘But they had a sell-by date.’
Alison shook her head in disbelief. ‘What on earth have they got in them – food or something?’
‘Luxury items.’
‘Luxury price too,’ their father chipped in. ‘Should have been half the price they were.’
SJ giggled, but no one else seemed to pick up on the irony of this.
Alison turned her attention back to SJ, who was sitting beside her at the dining-room table, which was covered with a red and green holly-patterned tablecloth. ‘I’m so glad we’re all celebrating together this year.’
‘Me too,’ SJ said, as she spooned roast potatoes onto her plate. It was nice that they’d acknowledged and were starting to heal some of the wreckage of the past. Even though she knew they still had some way to go.
‘This smells delicious, Mum,’ she said, breathing in the mix of turkey and cranberry sauce. ‘Does this sauce have any wine in it?’
‘No, but the gravy does – oh, my goodness. Don’t let her have the gravy, Jim. Everybody – keep the gravy away from Sarah-Jane.’
SJ wondered what they thought she was going to do – grab the jug and pour it down her throat via the spout?
No one seemed to have any such compunction about leaving their brimming glasses of prosecco in front of her.
At least they didn’t now she’d assured them it was fine for them to drink and several bottles had suddenly materialised.
SJ had reassured them all that just because she couldn’t drink it didn’t mean they couldn’t either.
‘There’s no shame in having a drink problem,’ Alison went on breezily.
‘It can happen to anyone. It’s an illness, not a moral failing.
I know you said at the party you were drinking because of Tom, but that’s not true.
You were probably born an alcoholic. I was listening to a podcast about it.
It’s exactly the same as being born diabetic – or asthmatic, like Noah.
’ She picked up her son’s inhaler from the table.
‘Which is why I get so cross when I catch him smoking.’
‘Does anyone want any more sprouts?’
‘Not for me, thanks, Dad – Sophie will have some, she’s hardly got any veggies on her plate.’
‘I hate sprouts.’
Alison shot her a glare. ‘Everyone hates sprouts. I expect it’s in your genes, Sarah-Jane. I mean, we all know Aunt Edie’s an old soak. And Grandpa George was an alcoholic too, wasn’t he, Mum?’
How on earth did she know that? SJ wondered.
Grandpa George had died before they were born, and his name was hardly ever mentioned.
She glanced at her parents, who were listening to this conversation in open-mouthed amazement.
She was pretty amazed herself. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined Alison might understand something Tom had completely failed to grasp, let alone be prepared to announce it to their parents, thereby painting her in a completely different light in their eyes.
‘Are you a real alky?’ Noah asked, his face alight with a mixture of horror and admiration. He and Sophie hadn’t been told about her stint in hospital. Well, not the reason for it anyway. It had been brushed under the carpet like every other scandal that had ever happened in their family.
Although SJ had a feeling that finally this was starting to change.
‘I mean, have you done stuff like fall over in the gutter and puke all down your front when you’re drunk?’ Noah persisted with barely concealed glee.
‘Noah, stop that kind of talk right now – people are trying to eat.’ Alison glared irritably at her son.
SJ winked at Noah and offered him a cracker. ‘Tell you later,’ she mouthed behind her hand.
Sophie narrowed her eyes in disgust, but SJ could tell she was quite interested in knowing the answer to Noah’s question, too.
Perhaps she could end up being a proper auntie to her sister’s children, after all – the kind of auntie who could be a dire warning of the dangers of getting involved with drink and drugs.
Being a dire warning sounded a lot more fun than being a good example.
After dinner, while Ash was eating his own Christmas bowl of turkey, and their parents had a well-deserved break in front of the telly, Alison ordered Sophie and Noah to do the washing up and steered SJ purposefully into the conservatory.
‘Is it really over with Tom?’ she asked, her voice unusually soft. ‘I thought he was quite a sweetie at the party.’
‘He was – he is,’ SJ amended. ‘But yes, it’s really over. There’s no way back for us. I think we’ll stay friends. But we don’t want to stay married. We’ve talked about it a lot.’
Alison twirled a lock of blonde hair around her index finger. ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘Don’t be. We should never have got married in the first place. Like you and Clive.’
There was a little pause while Alison fumbled in her designer bag.
‘I’ve got something for you.’ She drew out a piece of paper and as she flattened it out on her knees, SJ realised it was the front page of the Metro.
It showed a picture of a naked man, his hands covering his vitals, outlined in technicolour against a London street.
The headline was Finchley Flasher. Then in smaller writing: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
SJ did a double take. ‘Oh my God, is that Jacob?’
‘Yep.’ Alison smirked. ‘Seems he’s still up to his two-timing tricks but he cheated on the wrong woman.
She stole his clothes, locked him out and had the press lined up ready to take his picture.
I think her brother’s a journalist for the Metro or something.
Apparently Jacob ended up with a nasty case of frostbite somewhere that might make him think twice before he cheats again.
’ She giggled, and added idly, ‘I thought you might want to put it in a frame.’
SJ shook her head in disbelief. ‘I don’t. But thanks anyway.’ She snorted as she scanned the details.
‘What are you two giggling about?’ Their mother appeared, and glanced at the paper. ‘Oh, my friend, Doreen, was talking about that. It went viral on the WI group. Is it someone you know?’
SJ and Alison locked gazes. It was a long time before either of them could stop laughing long enough to reply.