Chapter 20 Kira
KIRA
The Burrow Bitches
Kira: Have you guys ever caught a partner keeping something from you?
Macey: Yes
Macey: Not Noah, to be clear. He knows not to ruin a good thing.
Britney: yes and I threatened to cut his balls off if he ever lied again
Ariadne: No, but it’s not like I have a long history of partners…
“How was the tea?” Landon emerged from the bedroom, clad in a pair of soft pajama pants and a sweatshirt.
My heart started pounding again, thudding against my ribs like it was trying to escape. I sat stiffly on the couch, staring at a spot on the wall, trying to steady my breathing. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but how could I not?
“I lost my appetite,” I answered.
“Are you feeling all right?”
He took a seat next to me on the couch, gently placing the back of his hand on my forehead. His bodywash was a warm scent, and the smell, combined with the gesture, was all so classic Landon that it made my heart squeeze.
“A little nauseous,” I admitted, pulling his hand down from my forehead. “It wasn’t Josh on the phone.”
His smile faltered. “Oh. Who was it?”
“Lucy from Saffron and Sage. They want to offer you a job in California.”
I watched it land. His body stiffened slightly. His eyes flicked toward the kitchen counter, where his phone still sat, then back to me.
“Kira, it’s not what it looks like.”
“So you didn’t interview for a job in another state without telling me?”
I wasn’t one for fights. Generally, I preferred to keep my head down and agree with whatever the other person said. My friends always described me as “go with the flow.” But sometimes going with the flow was more damaging than interrupting it completely.
Confrontation had always intimidated me.
I used to think that it meant criticizing or implying that the other person had done wrong.
Now I realized confrontation was healthy.
You were never going to advance in your relationships, career, or personal goals if you didn’t have the strength to confront another person.
Landon’s eyes, normally a deep walnut color, had paled. “Technically, I did, but it was a while ago. Look, Kira—”
I covered my face with my hands. God, what is even happening right now?
“I felt so lost when I first moved back to Chicago.” His voice cracked just enough to make me lower my hands and look at him again.
“Honestly, I was already lost before then. I came back to help my mom with the diner, but I didn’t think there would be a place for me there after the grand opening.
You were with someone else, I barely had friends here, and my brother and I weren’t speaking.
I thought maybe I didn’t belong here anymore. ”
I blinked, absorbing his words.
I hadn’t realized how adrift he’d felt. I’d been so focused on our reconnection, on how I felt, that I never thought to ask if he was still figuring out his own footing.
“So yeah, I sent out a few job applications,” he continued. “Just to see. I thought maybe if something pulled me far enough, that would be the answer. I didn’t expect anything to come of it.”
He looked up, straight at me.
“But then things started to shift. I spent a lot of time experimenting in the kitchen and found that I’m actually pretty good at it.
I’m working on the new menu. You and I started spending more time together.
After you broke up with Xavier, I stopped checking my inbox completely.
I had hope that maybe we’d have a future together.
” He took a tentative step forward. “Kira, my place isn’t in California.
It’s not anywhere else. It’s here with you. ”
Landon reached for my hand but didn’t close the gap. He was waiting, letting me decide.
“I might still be figuring things out. I don’t have all the answers. But I do know what I want. I know that you hate change, but—”
“I don’t.”
As the words left my mouth, I realized they were true. Change still scared me, but the thought of change wasn’t so scary that I couldn’t see its benefits. Doing something that scared me every day—making changes—had left me feeling like a better, stronger version of myself.
He froze, looking at me in a new light. “You don’t?”
I scooted closer with each word until we were touching.
“I want everything to change. I want to do scary things with you every day just as much as I want to do boring things.” I climbed into his lap.
“And I believe you. I freaked out because I was terrified of you leaving again, but I’m here for the long haul if you are. ”
My chest thundered, blood pulsing in my fingertips and toes. The sound of it was loud enough to drown out every thought that wasn’t centered around Landon.
He quickly recovered from his surprise, gripping my waist tightly. “I love you.”
Less than a second later, he slammed his lips against mine. Maybe the frenzy should scare me, but all I felt was thrilled. We hadn’t kissed like this in years, if we ever had at all. This kiss was all passion, heat, and it left me craving more.
His tongue licked into my mouth with an urgency I returned, angling for more of him. I was a little embarrassed when a sound of pleasure left my throat, but based on his soft groaning, he didn’t mind.
Maybe it was because I hadn’t kissed anyone I truly loved in a long time that I’d forgotten how much it was defined by delicious, distracting touches. Landon’s fingers moved under my shirt, stroking soft circles. His chest pressed closer to mine and there wasn’t an inch of space left between us.
My breasts ached, sensitive against the fabric of my shirt. I wanted all clothing gone. I wanted only skin.
Landon must have been thinking a similar thing. His hands trailed slowly over the top of my thighs before scooping under them, lifting me up as he stood. On instinct, I locked my ankles around his torso as he stood and walked us to the bedroom.
His arms held me steady and strong as he pressed me down onto the bed. Landon entwined our fingers without thinking, hovering above me, legs spread a little so I fit between us and he caged me in.
If his body was a cage, then I’d like to lose the key, please.
Fingers still interlaced, he dragged his lips from my mouth down my neck again, letting them linger where they hadn’t for years.
His mouth hovered over my collarbone until he sucked carefully, tongue darting out.
My fingers tightened their hold instinctively, and he released my hands to peel off my T-shirt.
I tugged his off too, feasting my eyes on his chest.
Holy muscles.
I traced the lines in his chest, the motion to his biceps, only to pull him back down again. He followed naturally and I hooked my legs around his waist, wrapping my arms around his neck. Trying to get closer as if this could erase the time I’d spent without his touch.
It was then I realized that I wasn’t overthinking everything. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking much at all. It was kind of amazing, actually.
His cock, hard and hot, brushed against the quickly dampening fabric between my thighs. Wonderful friction, but not enough. Then his fingers dropped to the top of the sweatpants around my hips. My breath hitched in anticipation.
When my hips lifted, he pulled them off and onto the pile of clothes on the bed, my underwear joining them too.
Landon moved slowly, kissing my bony hips and palming my thighs, giving me time to protest if I wanted.
Which was the absolute last thing I wanted, given how moments later he was parting me with two fingers, his breath warm over my pussy.
“I missed this,” he whispered before diving in like it was his new inspiration in life.
My body turned warm and languid as he inserted one finger, then two, his mouth sucking tight on my clit. He traced patterns with his tongue, up and down and side to side, enough so that I could barely keep up with the motions, so focused on the pleasure from it.
I didn’t mean to throw myself against his face, selfishly taking every moment for myself. Time wasn’t real. I had no idea how long we spent in this position, him enthusiastically going down like this until stars burst at the edges of my vision. Every muscle coiled, then released.
I returned to myself moments later to find that I’d thrown my arms up over my eyes. Sure, I was a little embarrassed by how strongly he made me come like that, but when I removed my arm and made eye contact, the intensity of his gaze struck me.
“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” Landon leaned back and off my body.
“Really?” I laughed. “You haven’t even taken off your pants yet.”
He crawled over me, looking down with a soft smile. “I don’t need to do that to admire you.”
“We should work on the no pants thing, though.”
Instead of a response, Landon flipped us over so I was on top. I made quick work of tugging off his sweatpants and underwear. His cock sprang out, and I tilted my head. Did it get bigger?
No, seriously, did working out give you a bigger dick?
Focus, Kira.
I could Google it later.
I wrapped one hand around him, pumping up and down a few times until his eyes fluttered shut.
He opened them again to fish through his nightstand, pulling out a condom and smoothly ripping it open.
I moved my hand so he could slip it on. Lightly holding my hips, he eased them up to his, and heat raced down my spine.
It wasn’t just the heat of the passionate moment, though. There was a trace of anxiety as I realized the implication.
He wanted me on top.
There was nothing wrong with that, per se, and in many ways I enjoyed it, but I was always nervous I was doing something wrong. Grinding too much, throwing off the rhythm, never knowing where to put my hands. Then I turned twenty-five and started to experience knee pain.
Needless to say, this position always turned my anxious feelings up a notch, and I felt myself hesitating even now.
“Is everything okay?” Landon asked, hands still on my hips. “We can stop.”
“I don’t want to stop.” I rushed to assure him. “I don’t know why I’m nervous.”
A genuine smile pushed his cheeks high. “I feel the same way. But it’s just us. No matter what happens, that’s true.”
I nodded as my blood slowed, thickening in my veins. Landon was right. Even if it wasn’t perfect, it was still us.
When I positioned myself above him, his expression changed, his smile tapering off at the corners of his mouth, his eyes darkening with anticipation. Slowly, I sank down, and we let out matching sighs. The stretch was heavenly—moderate enough so that it felt good without being too overwhelming.
To his credit, Landon helped me find a rhythm that worked for both of us. Once we did, he moved one hand to my breast, teasing a nipple. The second hand caressed my leg.
Dark moans and breathy pleas filled the room. I hadn’t felt this close, this connected, to someone in a long time. Without any idea of where Landon started and I ended. Just the thought of it was a turn-on.
I leaned forward to capture his lips with mine for a quick, soft kiss.
“I don’t know how long I can last,” said Landon, sounding somewhere between in pain and pleased.
“It’s okay. Let go.”
He did, seconds later, with reckless compliments and words that didn’t even fully make sense.
Afterward, I settled close to Landon, his arm around me. I laid my head on his bicep and stared at his face. The small stubble around his mouth, his tan skin, the crooked nose. Beautiful. Mine.
Landon kissed my hair. “Guess this means we should shower together now.”