14. BAILEE
BAILEE
I lied. I didn’t want to remember all these moments. The pleasurable ache between my legs had dulled the moment Elissa had decided to drag me back outside for some late-night rendezvous at a bar that was supposed to be all the rage. Apparently, since I had decided to stand up for myself, that also meant I wanted to parade myself around the beach like a normal vacationing person. I didn’t.
“What are we even doing here?” I asked, disinterested in the noisy crowd. I was already three drinks in, wishing I was back at the house with a bottle of whiskey and utter silence. But Elissa wasn’t having it, bobbing her head to the disco music and strobing lights. I hadn’t noticed before, but she was drunk off her ass, her eyes glazed over. Another drink or two and she might be on the floor.
“Celebrating me.” An uneasy smile spread across her lips as she downed another shot and let out a pitiful ‘whoop!’
“For what?” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, my eyes drifted down to her hand, and I realized that she wasn’t wearing her ring. In all the time I had known her, she had never taken that ring off. “He cheated on you?” I tried to feign surprise. Her husband was a piece of shit – Phoenix, Zak, Malia, and I all knew it – but we let Elissa have her dignity.
“He’s been cheating with every whore that would open up for him. I tried to rationalize it. Say that I wasn’t around enough. As long as he didn’t father another child, I was going to let him have his fun.”
That didn’t match up with the picture of the sister I had grown up with. She was perfect, flawless, and took no shit from anyone else. But here Elissa was, telling me that she not only knew her husband was cheating, but that she allowed it so long as he followed the rules.
“Don’t look at me like that, Bailee. We all have our vices.”
“But he cheated on you.” I set my drink down, instantly wanting to go home and curl up into a ball while rocking myself to sleep in my hammock. Malia was a bitch. Zak’s fiance, I’m pretty sure, was fucking some islander. Phoenix wasn’t picking up his phone. And now Elissa wasn’t perfect.
“And you’ve got eyes for two different men.”
My eyes widened in shock as I tried to feign innocence, sucking my bottom lip in between my teeth. Fuck. Elissa didn’t even miss a beat, straightening up slightly.
“Malia’s an ass to you because she wants what you have, your life, your freedom . You’re the last of us that hasn’t figured out where you want to be and despite your… oddities, you’re unattached. You have no idea how men see you because that’s never been your focus. And now you’ve found two that you for some reason or another want to protect from Malia.”
“Um…”
Elissa giggled, her cheeks rosy from all the alcohol, “And I say go for it, girl. You deserve it.” That’s not what I had expected her to say. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Another giggle came from my older sister, and I scrunched my nose, trying to figure out where this version of my sister had been for the last ten years.
“I’m serious, Bailee. You’re always so uptight, worrying about what everyone else is going to think. Seeing you rip Malia’s head off earlier was a fucking rush. I wish I had had that kind of courage years ago with my husband. Well, ex now.”
“How long has it been like this?” I knew for a fact that Elissa had been dealing with something, but for her to have taken off her ring? It had to be serious.
She managed a sloppy shrug, eyes downcast at the table where her empty shots stood. “We’ve been separated for a year. He got served the divorce papers this morning. He just called me about it.”
“Was he mad?”
“Probably, but he didn’t sound like it. Said that we needed to talk things out when we got home. I told him that there wasn’t a need for any more discussion and to speak through my lawyer from now on.”
“Why didn’t you say anything ?” I felt heated for my sister. She had gotten drunk, sure, but she wasn’t raging about it. I would have been throwing glasses, yelling, screaming, crying… but maybe that was the point. Maybe Elissa didn’t believe she could do that, that society would allow her to break down so publicly.
She tapped the table absentmindedly, her attention drifting out into the bumbling crowd. “I was the kid who did everything right. I got married. I moved on. I had a child. I had the fairytale life with the big job, didn’t have to work, and loved every moment of it. Divorce wasn’t part of the picture. It couldn’t be.”
“You’re not as big of a fuck up as I am.”
Elissa mustered up a laugh, meeting my eyes again. What I saw there was a broken spirit, but also admiration. It was… strange. “You see yourself in this bubble of failure, Bailee and it’s just not true. Shit happens and you were dealt a terrible hand. But maybe it’s time to step past that. Enjoy those men of yours.”
“I won’t see them again.”
“Why not?”
“It was a one-and-done kind of thing.” Both men had said otherwise, but I wasn’t the type of girl that men came back for. Men dated me because I was easy, low maintenance, not because they loved me.
“ Really , because I’ve not seen you glow like you have in the past two days in… forever.”
“I didn’t get their numbers.” This time, I bowed my head because I didn’t want Elissa to see that I was lying through my teeth. I might not have gotten their numbers, but I knew how to find them.
“I’m hearing excuses. Pretty sure you could find them if you wanted to.”
“I’m not that desperate.”
“Never said you were.”
“I’m not Malia.”
“ Bailee , stop. Just stop. You’re a gorgeous woman, and you’re here tonight to blow off steam. I didn’t just drag you out here for my woes. It was so that you could enjoy this night, away from Mom and Dad, away from Zak and his guy, away from Malia and the devil spawns. Let loose. Be free. Go home with someone. I got you covered.”
The black wrap dress Elissa had squeezed me into was one of her older outfits. It fit me like a glove, accentuating body parts that I didn’t normally show off. She had let me get away with flats but only because I ran out of the house with them.
“I’m not that easy.” I finally managed to say.
“More excuses. You know Phoenix would have already dragged you out on the dance floor,” Elissa sang to me as she signaled the bartender for two more drinks. She pushed one toward me, grabbing her own. “Drink up. I’ll rescue you if you give me the signal.”
“We haven’t used the signal since you took me out on my 21 st birthday.”
“And it’s a shame we haven’t hung out more. Now, let me wallow in peace. Go shake some ass, cozy up with the locals, enjoy yourself. Don’t come back for at least an hour.”
Elissa shoved what looked like a sex on the beach into my hands and kicked me toward the dance floor. I stumbled through the crowd, finding one of the darker corners to brood in. I wasn’t going to disappoint my sister, but this place made me feel suffocated and on display. Even in the darkness, I felt eyes ogling my body, my discomfort and I just wanted to disappear.