Chapter 7
Conflicted. That was the word of the day.
I sat alone in a corner at the EPIC Awards after party, staring at the picture of Avery and me on our last date.
It was the last time I’d had feelings for a man.
Well, before today. Before that category five earthquake that was Jaxton Saint came to shake shit up.
“What is a pretty girl doing sitting over here all alone?” a deep baritone asked.
I looked up from my phone to see who thought it was a good idea to bother me. I swiped out of the picture of me and Avery and zeroed in on the tall, handsome man in front of me.
“Liam Payne.” I forced a smile. You’re still here to work.
“How was your first show?”
“Amazing. Literally a dream come true.”
“What about the after party?” he asked, looking around. “You don’t look like you’re enjoying it?”
“Umm. Honestly, I expected it to be a little more… lively I guess.”
I looked around at the empty ballroom. Mostly everyone was sitting around on their phones or doing some type of interview. It was a completely different atmosphere from yesterday’s party.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret: these things usually drag. Everybody’s tried.” We laughed. “Mind if I keep you company? You got the best seat in the house.”
He flashed me a smile, and I hesitated. There were all these open seats, and he wanted to have a seat right next to me.
“Umm… sure. Why not?” I said, deciding a little distraction could help me keep my mind off Jax.
My eyes darted to him on the other side of the room.
His eyes burned a hole in my body. The chemistry we shared was undeniable.
I could feel him all the way over here. This was supposed to be a brief entanglement, just an escape.
How had we gotten here? Pulling my eyes away from Jax, I focused on Liam.
He was the perfect person to let Jax know I couldn’t be tied down.
I was a free spirit. I’d already met the love of my life.
I sipped my drink, feeling the bubbles tickle my throat. I needed to shake this feeling, so I focused on Liam and leaned closer.
“So, what about you? Did you enjoy the ceremony?” I asked, attempting to make small talk.
“It was decent,” he replied, leaning slightly closer to me. “But seeing you is definitely the highlight of my night.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, you know?” I shot back. Usually, I lived for a guy flirting with me, but right now, it just wasn’t doing it for me.
“Oh, I’m not trying to get anywhere.” He winked. “Just having a conversation.”
My eyes drifted back toward Jax, and my heart twisted at seeing him surrounded by women. They were all half naked and obviously flirting with him. When one of them slid into his lap, it turned my stomach so much I almost threw up. What the hell? Are you jealous?
“Hey, beautiful , are you even listening?” Liam’s voice startled me, pulling my attention back in his direction.
“Umm… I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little tired. What did you say?” I replied, faking a smile while my gaze lingered on Jax.
Liam leaned closer. The scent of his cologne made my nose burn.
“I just wrapped up a deal with Nike. Maybe I can get you some merch.” He bragged, puffing up his chest as if he had just scored a winning goal.
His charm was dripping with arrogance, and not the sexy kind. It was giving “Like me because I’m rich,” and I found myself nodding along and smiling. Maybe if I stayed quiet, he would leave.
“Yeah. These shoes are a part of the collection. These mugs aren’t even out yet.”
He held up his feet, and my eyes rolled so hard they could have gotten stuck.
“Yeah, no. I think I’m heading out. I need to get this blog up tonight and get some rest.”
I stood from the leather sofa. I wasn’t gaining anything by staying here, and Liam was irritating the hell out of me.
“Let me walk you out,” he suggested, flashing an overconfident grin. I shook my head.
“No. Really, it’s fine. I can walk out alone,” I insisted.
“Come on. Let a gentleman get you safely to your room.” He smiled, not taking no for an answer.
Not feeling the need to say anything further, I began walking away. Maybe that would help him get the picture.
“Hold up!” Liam called, falling into step beside me anyway.
“I’m good, Liam!” I grunted.
I was clearly annoyed. I didn’t want to be rude but having him trailing me felt a bit creepy.
“Come on. Don’t be like that. I won’t bite… unless you want me to.” He grabbed my arm.
“Get… the fuck…”
But before I could finish, Jax’s body wedged between us. His eyes flashed with anger.
“You’re not leaving with this nigga.” He had the same jealous look from before in his eyes.
“I’m not... I...”
“Hey, man. Stop cock blocking,” Liam mumbled, grabbing me again, and Jax looked between us. A sense of clarity washed over him as he observed the situation.
“Aye, nigga, let her go.” Jax yanked Liam away from me. His voice was low and commanding. “Don’t fucking touch her.”
His fist was balled up.
“Chill out, Jax. I’m just trying to help her to her room.”
My room?
“Nah. She don’t need any help,” Jax replied.
My heart stumbled for a second. Was he coming to my defense?
“What’s wrong, Jax? Couldn’t handle me winning the bet?”
Bet? The word “bet” sliced through the air like a knife, deflating the little bubble I was floating in. My chest tightened, and my eyes widened.
“What bet?”
Jax’s face tightened, and he dropped his head.
“I can explain, Faye,” he said quickly, but the tightness in his jaw told me I wouldn’t like the explanation.
“What bet, Jax?” I repeated, holding my breath, waiting, and dreading the words I knew were coming.
“We bet on who would sample the hot new reporter first.” Liam shrugged, smirking with way too much satisfaction.
“Nigga!” Jax moved to him, shoving him again. Now, there were eyes on us.
“Y’all bet on who could fuck me?” I clarified.
“Yep, and I would have won too if it wasn’t for this hating ass nigga.”
Liam’s words hit me like a punch to the gut. They’d bet on me.
“How could you?” My voice was shaky.
I stared at Jax. He didn’t seem like the type to entertain something so destructive or childish. He played me. Anger wasn’t even the word for how I was feeling.
“Faye…” Jax started, but I held up my hand.
“No. Fuck you! Fuck both of you!” I spat, turning to flee.
I needed fresh air and to get out of here before someone started recording.
“Wait, Faye!” Jax yelled, chasing me out of the party as I pushed through the crowd, ignoring him. My heart was pounding as I raced toward the exit. There was nothing he could do or say that would erase the fact that he’d bet on me like I was a damn racehorse.
I stepped outside, and the cool night air slapped me in the face and burned my unshed tears. I pulled out my phone to order a ride.
“Three minutes away. Great.” I paced back and forth. My thoughts were spinning out of control. Why did I even entertain letting my guard down? Why did I almost fall for his game? I leaned against the curb, biting back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Faye!” Jax’s voice was behind me, but I refused to look at him.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” I replied, my voice cracking.
“I’m sorry, Faye. I didn’t mean for you to find out like that. It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“That’s supposed to make this better?” Tears spilled down my cheeks now. “You have no idea how messed up that is! You voted on who could fuck me and then sought me out like damn predators.”
I was speaking through clenched teeth, not wanting to make a scene.
“I do—man.”
“Oh, and you succeeded, so congratulations to you!” I clapped my hands.
“They don’t know that,” he replied.
“You’re just like every other dog ass nigga. You want me to let my guard down, give you a chance so you can… play games. It’s always a game.”
“It’s not like that. I like you, Faye. The only reason I bet them niggas was because I knew that they didn’t have a chance with you. You’ve always been mine.” The desperation was apparent in his voice. “I wasn’t playing games with you, Faye Baby.”
“Then why did you let them bet on who could fuck me? Why you ain’t shut that shit down from the jump?”
I held my hand up. I didn’t want to hear the response. My ride share pulled to the curb, and I slipped into the back seat without hesitating.
“You almost made me believe I was yours,” I whispered.
Tears stained my cheeks as the driver pulled away from the curb.
If I didn’t have a goodbye brunch with the network executives tomorrow, I would be headed straight to the airport, but I would have to take this to the chin and handle business.
That’s what I was here for. I had no business trying to entertain a man in the first place.
The door clicked shut behind me as I stumbled into my hotel room. My heart was heavy, and my face was covered in dried tears. This night had gone from amazing to drama filled real fast. Shit, I felt like I had whiplash.
I didn’t waste any time. I peeled off my dress, not caring where it landed. I moved through the room without bothering to turn on the lights. I just needed to drown my mistake in the shower and go to bed. I entered the bathroom, turned on the water as hot as possible, and hopped in.
The warmth of the water consumed my body as it flowed over me.
I let the sobs I’d held in escape my lips as everything I’d been bottling in flooded to the surface.
God, when did my entire identity become grief?
Avery swirled in my mind, thoughts of him and our love mixed with the lingering glance from Jax.
“I’m done,” I whispered. “No more one-night stands.”
I cried, but as much as I wanted to blame Jax for all this, I had to hold myself accountable.
I should have been more selective with the men I chose to give my body to.
Trying to heal sorrow with sexual pleasure only left me with more sorrow.
I needed the type of healing that one couldn’t get through sex. I understood that now.
I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel.
I was ready to crawl into bed, but a loud knock on the door jolted me back to reality.
My heart raced. I already knew it was Jax.
I had half the mind to ignore him, but I needed to get him away from the door before he caused a scene.
Making my way to the door, I looked through the peephole. Sure enough, it was him.
“Leave me alone, Jax!” I shouted.
“Please, Faye,” he begged from the other side. “Just hear me out.”
I pressed my forehead against the cool door. “There’s nothing you can say to change what you did.”
“I know.” His tone was desperate but sincere, and a small part of me wanted to listen. I tried to open the door for him, but I just couldn’t. “I’m sorry, Faye. Please, open the door,” he pleaded. “I care about you. Our connection was real. Faye.”
His words sailed through the door. I didn’t know what to believe.
“Please, leave me alone,” I said. My voice cracked as I turned away from the door. I waited for his response, but I was met with silence.
“I’ll wait until you’re ready to forgive me,” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear him through the door.
Taking a deep breath, I dragged my feet to the bed. He would be waiting forever because I would never forgive him. I crawled under the sheets, pulling them tightly around my body. I would wake up tomorrow, and Jaxton Saint would be a part of my past.