Chapter 22 Iris
IRIS
The rich aroma of herbs and chicken fill my kitchen, mixing with the occasional sound of movie dialogue from the living room.
The whole thing was so... Collin. Thoughtful and perfect and completely overwhelming in the best possible way.
This man is going to be the death of me.
He hadn’t been gone five minutes when my phone rings.
Maxine, right on cue. I barely manage to hit accept before Ellie bursts through my front door, armed with to-go coffee and more cough medicine.
“Spill. Everything. Now.” Ellie demands, setting the coffee in front of me and pulling out a barstool at my kitchen island.
“Wait, what’s happening?” Maxine’s voice crackles through the speaker. “What are we spilling?” Ellie points to the phone, brows raised. “Is that Max?” She leans forward, half-yelling into the phone in my hand. “Hi Max!” I pull it from my ear and put her on speakerphone as she yells back.
“Hi, El!” Ellie flips her long blonde hair over a shoulder and shoots me a grin.
“You know your sister here just got back from spending Christmas with a certified beefcake?” I scrub a hand down my face, Max was gonna have a field day with this one.
“What the fuck, dude?” Maxine explodes.
“Language, Max!” I grit out, glancing toward the living room where Jamie is absorbed in his movie.
“Oh, right, sorry. But seriously, what the eff? You went off on some Hallmark-worthy vacation with Mr. Muscle Man and didn’t tell me?
” There’s a pause, and I can practically hear the wheels turning in my sister’s head.
“Oh my god, I bet Mom was so pissed you didn’t come to Christmas dinner.
What did her face look like when you told her?
Was it red? Pinched? Did her nostrils do that flare thing they do? I bet it was glorious.”
“She looked exactly how she always looks when she doesn’t get her way.”
“Angry and slightly constipated?” I nearly choke on my coffee.
“Exactly.”
“Allison is so not the concern right now,” Ellie cuts in, as she braces her palms on counter and leans forward.
“What happened with Collin?” I busy myself with folding the stir stick over on itself, not looking at her as a smile worms its way up my face.
I can’t help it. It’s impossible not to smile when I think about him, as annoying as that is.
“Nothing! We had a nice time. You know, ice skating, Christmas shopping.” I mumble the next part under my breath, “And I may or may not have kissed him and attempted to climb him like a tree.” The resulting shriek from both Max and Ellie is loud enough that Jamie calls out a concerned “You okay?” from the living room.
“Fine, buddy! Just watching a funny video!” I call back, then hiss at my companions, “Would you two hush?”
“Sorry, sorry,” Ellie whispers, though her grin is anything but apologetic. “But you can’t drop that bomb and expect us to stay calm. Details. Now.”
“Yeah,” Max’s voice crackles through the speaker, with a suggestive tone that makes me want to sink into the floorboards “We need to know everything. Was it hot? Was there mistletoe? Did he pin you against any convenient vertical surfaces? Because with those arms...”
“Oh my God!” I sputter into my coffee, grateful Jamie’s thoroughly distracted by Spider-Man in the other room. The warmth spreading across my cheeks has nothing to do with the steam rising from my cup and everything to do with how accurately that particular suggestion hits home.
“What?” She’s practically purring now. “That man is built. The internet doesn’t lie. Please tell me you took full advantage.” I trace the rim of my coffee cup, feeling the warmth seep into my fingers as I try to find the words.
“He kisses...” I pause, my breath catching at the memory.
“God, he kisses like something out of a romance novel. Like he’s been thinking about it for weeks and memorized exactly how he wanted to do it.
” I replay it in my mind: the way his hands had cradled my face, how the porch light caught the snowflakes in his hair, the intoxicating mix of cold air and his warmth.
I’d completely lost my mind, pressing against him until there wasn’t a breath of space between us.
My fingers twisted in his coat as if I could somehow get closer.
I clear my throat, feeling heat climb up my neck.
“I clearly suffered some kind of temporary insanity. I practically tried to mount him on his mother’s front porch. ”
“Atta girl,” Max drawls, and I can hear the grin in her voice. “I knew you had it in you. All that pent-up sexual tension had to go somewhere.” I groan and drop my head onto my folded arms.
“I don’t get it,” Ellie says softly, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder.
“If you had such a great time, and the kiss was so amazing... why are you freaking out right now? He obviously likes you, like a lot.” I sigh and prop my chin on my arms, staring into my coffee cup.
The morning light catches the steam rising from it, creating delicate swirls that remind me of snow falling on Mackinac.
Of Collin’s breath mixing with mine in the cold air.
“I know. He even brought soup for Jamie this morning when I said he wasn’t feeling well.”
“Aww,” Ellie pouts, pressing her hand to her heart.
“That is so adorable, it’s disgusting.” Max’s voice crackles through the speaker, warm despite the sarcasm.
“I just... I don’t know what I’m doing,” I whine.
“I don’t know how to do this. You know I haven’t dated since Owen.
” A new horror pops into my head, my eyes widen with panic as I gasp.
“What if I don’t know how to do it anymore.
What if I’m bad at it?” My fingers thread through the hair at the top of my head.
Max’s laughter spills through the speaker.
“Trust me, that’s not something you forget. It’s like riding a bike... except, you know, different.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mumble into my arms, thinking of Max’s casual approach to intimacy, how she moves through relationships with the kind of easy confidence that comes from keeping things light, uncomplicated. There’s nothing about liking Collin that feels uncomplicated.
“Rude!” She gasps. “But you know what? You’re in crisis mode, so I’ll ignore that.”
“Iris,” Ellie adds, her voice gentle but tinged with amusement, “that kiss obviously went more than fine. From what you just told us, it was practically cinematic.” More than fine doesn’t begin to cover it.
The memory of it still burns under my skin—the way he had drawn me in like gravity.
That kiss had turned my world sideways, left me unable to tell up from down, and damn it, I want more.
I want his hands in my hair again, want to trace the strong line of his jaw, want to discover if he always makes that low sound in the back of his throat when—
I press my palms against my burning cheeks.
“I want to see him again,” I confess, the words tumbling out before I can stop them.
“I want to see him so much it’s stupid. And that’s exactly the problem.
I don’t want to be stupid about this. I can’t be stupid about this.
I dove headfirst into things with Owen and that relationship was enough to give me nightmare fuel for a lifetime.
I mean, I just started to feel like myself again. ”
“Owen was...” Ellie starts, her voice hardening at the name of my ex-husband.
“He was a narcissistic ass,” Max states bluntly, the words sharp with four years of accumulated anger.
“I know,” I whisper, tracing a water ring on the counter. “And I let him—”
“No.” Max’s voice cuts through the speaker, fierce and protective.
“You didn’t let him do anything, Iris. He was manipulative.
He spent years twisting everything around until you couldn’t tell up from down anymore.
” The truth of it sits heavy in my chest, with all the feelings I don’t know what to do with.
“I’m scared,” I admit, the words barely more than a breath.
“I’m so scared. The way I feel about Collin.
..” I press my fingertips to my sternum, trying to contain the ache there.
“It’s too big. Too much. I built these walls for a reason, you know?
Through all of Owen’s mind games, through the divorce, I kept adding layers, making them stronger.
And then Collin just”—I gesture helplessly—“he shows up and says things and does things that makes me forget why I built them in the first place.” I run my hands through my hair, frustration bubbling up.
“It’s just all so confusing and he’s confusing and so handsome and I just need him and his adorable brown eyes to go as far away from me as possible.
He’s like a puppy. A cute little puppy from the pound and I wanna take him home! ”
“First of all.” Max’s voice crackles through the speaker with obvious amusement.
“The man is six four. I don’t think you can compare him to a puppy.
” Ellie snorts, covering her mouth to muffle her laughter.
“And if you want to take him home so badly,” Max continues, not bothering to hide the innuendo in her voice, “then take him home.”
“Max!” I sputter, heat flooding my cheeks.
“I’m just saying what we’re all thinking!” Her indignant voice comes through the phone again.