Chapter 6 #2
‘There is no “three of us”,’ she snaps.
It hurts. And I can tell that it hurts her, too. She stuns herself into silence and hangs her head. For a moment, I see the little girl sitting across from me who misses her dad.
I wish I could make it better, but I never could.
I never had that ability that other mums seem to have. I’ll do the wrong thing. Say the wrong thing. When you never get it right, it’s easier for everyone to stop trying.
Alan clears his throat. ‘I understand that this is . . . a lot to take in. I’ll let you process it and we can talk again later.
If you do decide to go ahead with this, Nico will escort you to each activity and report back to me to let me know they have been completed together to Henry’s satisfaction, as stipulated by his will.
Take some time and . . . get back to me when you can. I’ll be here when you need.’
‘Thanks, Alan,’ Nico says when neither Megan nor I speak.
He leans over to end the call and then closes the laptop, picking it up and moving it to the desk. ‘I’ll let you have a moment to talk,’ he says, before leaving the room.
The office door shuts behind him.
I muster the courage to look over at Megan. Her jaw is clenched, her eyes fixed on the table as though she might burn a hole in it with her stare.
‘Why is he doing this?’ she asks eventually, her voice clipped and strained, working hard not to show the hurt she’s feeling.
I put my hand on the table and tap my fingers against the surface. ‘This place was special to him.’
She rakes her fingers through her hair. ‘I don’t understand. Why didn’t he warn us that this was what he wanted? He didn’t tell me anything. Did he tell you?’
‘No.’ I shrug. ‘He’s parent-trapped us.’
She looks unimpressed. ‘What?’
‘He has lured us here without the other one knowing. He concocted a clever plan to make sure that his ashes were split in two so he could force both of us into taking him on a final tour of his favourite things to do in his favourite place. Together.’
Megan shakes her head. ‘No. No, I’m not doing it. This is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of.’
‘It’s actually a rather genius manner of getting your way. No one can say no to you once you’re dead, can they? Then, of course, there’s the matter of the house.’
She looks at me wide-eyed. ‘He said nothing to me about the house. Alan said he’d bought it last year. Last year. Why . . . why would he keep that from me? Why wouldn’t he want me to celebrate that with him? We could have come out here together and . . .’
She trails off. I watch her helplessly.
‘Henry would have had his reasons for all of this,’ I attempt gently.
‘Maybe he wanted to spruce it up a bit to give you a big surprise and then, with his treatment, he never quite . . . I don’t know.
I’m amazed he managed to buy it. Whenever we came on holiday here, he’d always talk about that house and retiring there. It is idyllic.’
She closes her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose.
‘It might be . . . fun,’ I say weakly.
She opens her eyes to glare at me.
I amend my statement. ‘It won’t be all bad.’
‘Why would he want you to do this, too?’ she mutters. ‘You divorced him.’
‘Henry and I had a special relationship. No matter what happened between us all those years ago, we found our way back to being great friends. You know that.’
‘This was meant to be my thing. Something I’d do alone. I wanted to be on my own when I said goodbye to him.’
I watch her, admiring the effort she’s putting in not to crack even for a moment.
So stoic and strong. So like him.
‘I understand, darling,’ I say, prompting her to look at me with her big glassy eyes. His eyes. She has his eyes. ‘And I am happy to let you do that.’
‘You already said you can’t say no to someone when they’ve died. And I can’t . . . bear the idea of this Collioure house being sold when he finally managed to . . . Look, his request is that you do all this stupid stuff, too,’ she says resentfully.
‘Yes, but the final goodbye, when it’s time to . . . let him go,’ I say, a lump rising in my throat. ‘You can do that bit on your own. I promise. He was your dad.’
She doesn’t say anything for a moment. Then gives a sharp nod of acknowledgement.
‘So, we’re doing this?’ I check cautiously.
A muscle twitches in her jaw. ‘We don’t have a choice.’
‘That’s the spirit!’
She glowers at me. Not the time for sarcasm, clearly.
‘I’ll go find Nico and tell him to contact Alan,’ I offer, bringing my tone down to an appropriately sombre one. ‘Then I suppose Nico can let us know the first activity on the list.’
She pushes her chair back and stands up straight.
‘I’ll be in my room,’ she tells me, before marching out, the door slamming shut behind her. I wince at the sound.
Megan’s right. This whole plan is a stupid fucking idea.
Not the first time Henry’s had one of those.
I’ll admit I’m impressed at his organisation skills and determination to bring us here again one last time and plan out a full itinerary.
It can’t have been easy to piece this all together without either of us cottoning on to his scheming.
But why he’s done this to us, I’m not sure I will ever understand.
He knew better than anyone how things are between Megan and I.
He must have known there was nothing to be done about it.
You can’t force these things. Much like during our marriage, he either chose to ignore me or wasn’t listening.
The thing is, some secrets are better left alone. Did he not consider how difficult it would be for me to protect them when he’s brought me out here with her? And the worst thing of all is I can’t consult him for advice.
Oh, Henry, I think as I sit alone in glum silence. What have you done?