8. Silas
CHAPTER 8
Silas
“ W e did it!” Caston grins as he slaps me on my back.
“We sure fucking did.” I can’t believe that I’m here. That I’ve finally reached my dream. It’s bittersweet, knowing that I’m here, and yet Payton isn’t. That fucking kills me, but I hope that wherever she is, she’s happy. That’s all I want for her, to be happy.
Caston will also be joining me at Seattle Silverbacks. He got in on the second draft and Tate on the fifth. All my boys are with me, and I’m fucking proud that we’ve managed to do it. We may not have known each other from birth, but that doesn't matter. We’ve got a bond, one that’s unbreakable. To know that we’re all starting the next chapter of our lives together is relief. These guys have been with me through my shit with Payton, we’ve been with Tate through his break up with Kayley. Caston and Saya are on the rocks, and it’s fucking with his head. He’s sure she wants out of the relationship, as she seems to be pulling away. Hopefully now that his future is secured, he can sort that out.
“Tonight, we celebrate.” Tate grins, “Then tomorrow we sort everything out.”
I shake my head, since his break up with Kayley, he’s been worse than I have. I’ve been trying to find a way to rid myself of all memories of Payton, and to do that, I get drunk and find willing women and lose myself in them. Every time, I wake up the next morning feeling like shit and hating myself. It’s been two years, and the woman who broke my heart still fucking owns it.
Tate, though, he’s trying to prove a point: that she had him, and now that she doesn’t he can have any woman he wants. That’s not my way of thinking. If I ever saw Payton again, I’d do whatever I could to win her back. Time hasn’t eased the pain of not being with her, in fact, it’s intensified so much so that it’s like I’m missing part of my soul.
“Sounds good,” Caston mutters, his eyes glued to his cell phone in his hand and a scowl on his face. “Fuck,” he says through clenched teeth. “She’s going to be the death of me.”
“What’s going on?” I ask. I thought Saya would have been here, but she’s not.
“She’s not coming out tonight, she hasn’t said why.” He glares at the phone one last time before putting it into his pants pocket. “Fuck it. Tonight is about us.”
“Guys…” Mikey, our agent says. With his tone as a warning, I already know that I’m not going to like whatever the fuck comes out of his mouth. “You need to realize that it’s different now. You belong to Seattle Silverbacks, that means what you do reflects on them.”
Tate crosses his arms over his chest. “We know.”
Mikey shakes his head. “No, I don’t think you do. If you fuck up in any way you’ll be cut. Your places at Seattle Silverbacks aren’t secure. No one’s place is. So you’ll be watched on and off the field. Fuck up once and you can kiss your dream goodbye.”
“We’re not going to fuck up.” I glare at him. Does he think I don’t know this? I’ve worked hard for this. It’s in my grasp, and I’m not letting it go. I belong with Seattle Silverbacks.
“Make sure you don’t,” he warns us. “You’re having a meeting with the coach tomorrow. Don’t be late.” He spins on his heel and walks away from us; his strides are long and brisk, telling me he’s pissed off.
“Fuck, I’m not losing this spot,” Caston tells me. “If we’re going out tonight, we’re having a few beers and then coming home.”
I nod in agreement. “We’ve worked too hard to fuck this up.”
Tate glares at us. “Pussies.”
I give him the one finger salute. I’m not losing my dream to anyone. No fucking way. There’s only one person I would have given it up for, but she’s not here so that point is moot.
When we enter the club, the place is full; it seems everyone and their mother are out celebrating tonight. We’re Seattle’s newest draftees, and everyone’s glancing at us. After Mikey’s talk, I’m not in the mood to socialize, and neither is Caston. Tate, on the other hand, doesn’t even hesitate, he’s already found a woman for the night.
“God, am I that bad?” I ask Caston when we make it to the VIP area.
He gives me the side eye. “You serious?”
I nod, “Yeah, man, have I turned into that much of an asshole since Pay and I split?”
“You’re worse man. Way fucking worse,” he says honestly.
Fuck, it shouldn’t hurt, but it does. “Don’t hold back.”
He takes a swig of his beer, “Your girl is sweet. Everything I’ve learned tells me that. You think fucking every woman in Washington State is going to help you get over her? You think she hasn’t seen the paparazzi photos? The different women you have each night?”
“What am I supposed to do? Sit at home and wait for her? Be celibate?”
“Do you think she’s celibate?” he fires back with a smirk.
The thought of her and some other guy sends my blood pumping. I want to find whoever it is and kill them. She’s mine.
“That’s what I thought.” He’s a smug shit. “Look, what I’m trying to say is, you believe that you and Payton are destined to be together, much like Saya and I are. You think she’ll want to be with you after all the women you fucked?”
No, I don’t. Fuck.
“I’m not telling you how to live your life, but you’ve got to think about the future. Whether that’s with Payton or not. You want to screw countless women? Then do that, just don’t act like a fucking asshole when you regret it in the morning.”
“Who’d have thought that you’d be the one to dish out relationship advice?” Tate says as he comes to sit down beside us, a satisfied smile on his face. Guess he and his lady friend already found their release.
“Fuck you, asshole. I’ve a whole lot of home truths for your ass too, but I know that you’re not in any state of mind to listen to them.” Caston doesn’t even spare him a look.
“Cas, man, what’s going on?” This isn’t like him, while he’s speaking the truth about my relationship, he’s not usually this angry.
“You think the shit that you two have been pulling hasn’t been weighing on Saya’s mind? She sees how quickly you forgot about your women and thinks I’ll do the same to her.” He shakes his head. “Stupid.”
“Shit, man,” I say, feeling guilty, I’ve been absorbed in my own shit, I’ve not been in his.
“Don’t, it’s fine. I’ll find out what’s going on with her. It’s all good.” He flashes me his smile, and I know that he’s going to be alright, for now at least.
I finish my beer and look out at the sea of people gyrating to the music. “I’m not in the mood for this shit. I’m heading home.” I get to my feet, and I’m not shocked to see Caston following me. Tate, however hasn’t had his fill for the night. “Catch you later,” I murmur to him as I pass by him, moving toward the exit.
Caston’s words are playing on my mind. If I do get the chance with her again, she’s really going to think I’m an asshole when she finds out how I’ve been treating women. I’d never do that to her, she’s different compared to the rest.
Fuck. My mind is racing, I need to find her. Now that I’ve finished college, I’ll get someone to do some digging. I want my girl back.