38. Anthony
thirty-eight
anthony
“Gentlemen, I’m really impressed with what I’m seeing here. Everyone in the district office is as well. Given the unfortunate circumstances with which your year started, this school is still making leaps and bounds. I’ve had several parents reach out to commend you for your leadership, and for how you’ve integrated the outside students and welcomed them into their home for the year.”
The superintendent, Mark Bishop, scheduled a meeting with Nathan and me to discuss how the merger has been, and I can finally tell the bullets that I’ve been sweating all morning in anticipation to chill out. He has had nothing but praises to sing.
“Thank you,” Nate says with a curt nod.
“We’re very intrigued to hear more about your behavior management system.”
“That is Anthony’s doing. I’ll let him take the reins.”
Mark turns to me, and I fold my hands between my spread knees beneath the conference table to quell the shaking. This is what I’ve avoided my entire life—putting something important in my hands and being expected to carry it out well. With my coworkers’ support, I’ve started believing in myself a little more, started putting a stop to the excuses and digging myself out of old habits. And of course, Penelope’s words have been the candle on that birthday cake. I have let her, It’s how you get back up again that determines if you’re meant to do great things. And I think you are , become my mantra since the night I held her in my arms and started feeling our patchwork of holes stitch themselves back together again.
Clearing my throat, I open my work laptop and flip it to face the superintendent. I take the next several minutes to lay the groundwork—teachers tracking behavior incidents in our online framework helps myself, Lucy, and Nate to see who the frequent fliers are. Lucy is able to pull students who have several incidents and for a counselor check-in, making a plan afterward. Several of our students are currently enrolled in a mentorship program. This is all something Lucy and Nate started last year, but where I come in is the “roided version” of the program—the one I built back in college and rounded out at my first school.
Students and their mentors work through restorative justice as part of their consequence—doing something that matches their behavior, instead of just sitting in the office for a half hour staring at the wall and calling it a day. After their consequence, they and their mentor will work toward a goal, based on improving their unwanted behavior.
I am sweating down my butt crack by the time I’m finished with my spiel.
“I like it a lot,” Mark says, his smile tight, but his eyes shining with enthusiasm. “Let’s go ahead and start pushing this out school-wide. I know Nathan had mentioned how only a fraction of willing teachers are piloting the system, but I’d like the school itself to be our pilot. If it continues to be successful, we’ll have to sit you down this summer to start pushing this out to the entire district.”
Fireworks combust inside my chest. I have to tamp down my smile before I risk looking like an over-excited golden retriever.
“Anthony, if we do slot Nate into the principal role, it’d be in your best interest to apply for the open assistant position permanently. We’d be lucky to keep you here.”
The fireworks turn into a finale behind my ribs, and I wonder if my eyes are lighting up like the Fourth of July. I offer him a short Thanks , and Mark shakes both of our hands and exits. We follow him out of the conference room and head into Nate’s office. As soon as the door is shut, I can be my full, jittery self in front of Nate.
“That went well,” he says. Short, sweet, all wrapped up with the nice neat bow of his pleased smile.
“Well?! Dude, he just told us the sun was shining out of our asses! He…”
I can’t find words.
“Fully supports the great work that you’re doing and wants to see more of it,” Nate supplies for me.
“It’s not just me. I couldn’t have done this without you and Lucy.”
“You couldn’t have implemented it without my approval and Lucy’s and Phyllis’s follow-through on the guidance end. We couldn’t have been surviving this year behaviorally with our heads above water without what you brought us. Thank you , Anthony.”
I settle into the chair opposite his desk and exhale, like I’m coming off of a sugar high.
“Are you going to take the job at the end of the year? You’d do well to listen. I’ll echo what Mark said: We would highly benefit from you in this position. Hell, I’d go so far as to say that, within five years, you could be a behavior coordinator within the district.”
I shake my head, exhaling at the thought of five years when I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the last five minutes .
“I don’t know.” Running my hands through my hair, I sigh. “I mean, are you even planning on taking the principal job full time? I thought you were dead set on going back to the classroom.”
Nate gets a wistful look in his eye. I remember sitting with the guys at the bar after getting back from the coaching conference and realizing we all worked in the same district. They were barely my friends back then, but Nathan had his eyes on returning to the classroom before the shit storm of this year hit. There’s a strange peace settling over him that makes me predict his next words.
“Switching to an administrative role was once a financial obligation instead of a choice. Once I stopped seeing my job as an obligation , I actually started to enjoy myself. In this role, I’m able to help teachers , and help the school as a whole. Sure, it was a step outside my comfort zone, but after Claire swept into my life, I’ve realized that sometimes, we have to take the first step to realize that the leap itself isn’t as scary as we once thought it was.”
I picture Penelope, her windswept fire engine hair blowing in the gentle breeze when she’d run down to the water’s edge, stuck her toes in, and flicked the water up at me with a smile that rivaled the starlight. I think of all the little ways she and I have been stepping outside our fears and our what-ifs, and how easy it is once we actually get over them and see what is possible, instead of getting caught up with what we’re imagining inside our heads.
“You’re going to take it, aren’t you?” I ask, already knowing the answer. Nathan nods, still staring out into the open space in his office. I know exactly who he’s thinking of.
“At least for right now, I believe I am where I’m supposed to be. I can always return to the classroom after I retire for something to do with my time.”
We share a quiet laugh at the prospect of retirement, but I know we’re both inside our own minds thinking of our now . His with Claire. Mine with Penelope.
She needs to feel stable in order to make a change—to leave behind her teaching career and step into her role as a full-time author. If I had the means to be that foundation for her so that she could step fully onto the writing platform, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
I don’t say it in as many words. There’s still a lot of school year to get through before I make my decision. But I think Nate can tell, especially when our wistful gazes start looking the same. Because even as my mind starts to make up all of the ways that this could go wrong, it can’t be so bad if I have Penelope beside me to help me stand back up again.