17. Porter
PORTER
“Will,” the barista calls, and he walks over to grab both of our coffees, returning with a huge smile on his face. It isn’t fair that he looks that fucking happy to see me.
“For you, to make up for keeping you up last night,” Will offers as he hands me my drink.
“Do you not hear how sexual that sounds?” I tease lightly as I try to hide my blush from him saying that so loudly in the café by taking a sip.
“Eh, oh well.” He shrugs it off easily as he laughs. “I’m a sexual being, what can I say?”
He’s certainly right about that, and I can’t help but think about the text he sent me earlier. I swear his messages are becoming more and more flirty.
I take another long sip, willing the iced beverage to cool me down, but it’s no use.
I’ve been struggling all day to shut down the daydreams of what could’ve happened last night if things were different between us.
If Will was attracted to men and there was any chance that…
Nope. Fantasizing about him isn’t going to help anything.
It’ll only feed into the stupid crush I’m trying desperately to ignore.
“It was really fine though. You didn’t even keep me up, but you know I always appreciate coffee,” I add in case he actually feels bad.
This is exactly what I needed today. Caffeine really does help everything, and not having to pay for it is extra sweet.
Having Will here with me is a nice surprise.
Just like him inviting himself over last night was.
And I’m back to obsessing about him in my bed.
I’m hopeless. “You could’ve stayed.” I hear myself say the words without my permission, and my eyes snap up to Will’s.
“Really?” he asks, sounding optimistic.
Would he have actually wanted to? No, not like that, I remind myself.
“Yeah, I wasn’t trying to kick you out. You did seem really tired. I was just worried you might not want to wake up and realize you accidentally spent the night in my bed. Since, you know, I’m gay.” I overexplain because he looks confused.
“Yeah, and?” he asks, brows drawn together as if he can’t possibly comprehend why that’s relevant.
Maybe to him it really isn’t. I guess I’m just paranoid about being accused of putting someone in a situation they aren’t comfortable in.
Not that I’d ever willingly do that, but Robbie said a lot of things in the end that had me questioning everything about our friendship.
I think now I always worry that I’m misunderstanding my relationships with people, especially other men.
Maybe that’s why I’m as blunt as I am now.
But so is Will. He’s been transparent from the beginning, honest and unafraid to talk about heavier things like our families and financial situations.
He’s one of the first straight guys I’ve ever met who actually doesn’t seem to care about my sexual orientation at all.
It’s equal parts refreshing and confusing.
I probably shouldn’t be encouraging sleepovers with how much I’ve been fantasizing about a version of Will who’s attracted to me this morning.
But I know that’s all it is, a daydream that will never happen, so I embrace how good it feels to have a friend who wants to spend so much time with me, and offer, “Next time.”
“Cool. Maybe another day this week,” he suggests easily. “So should we find somewhere to sit?”
I nod, and we head upstairs, mind reeling on Will actually wanting to sleep over.
I do my best to shake the thought off as we find a free table in the back corner.
We set down our coffees and backpacks while I pull my laptop out and Will does the same.
It’s giving me the illusion I’ll get something done, but I highly doubt I will with him here to distract me.
“So, when is lacrosse season?” I ask, not even pretending to work.
“Now. We’ve had a decent start. There’s another game later this week and then a few in North Carolina over spring break coming up.”
“That’ll be fun. Did you grow up playing? I don’t think we had lacrosse at my high school, so I don’t know anything about it.”
“Yeah, it’s really big in Maryland. We had summer leagues before you could even play in school. My parents were never really into sports, but when I said I wanted to play, they didn’t hesitate to sign me up,” he explains with a huge smile.
“How far of a drive is that from here?”
“I’m near the Maryland-Pennsylvania border, about three and a half hours, so it’s not bad. Makes it so my parents can come to my games sometimes. I’d love for you to meet them. I think they’d really like you,” he adds casually.
Um. What the fuck? There’s nothing casual about an invite to meet anyone’s parents. Especially not the guy I have a crush on.
Fuck, I just admitted it. Even if it was just to myself.
No denying it though. I have a crush on Will, and I have no business having it.
But… this is the same man who apparently didn’t blink at the thought of spending the night in my bed, so I think it’s becoming pretty obvious that our definitions of casual are different. I attempt to school my expression and respond in a steady voice. “Why’s that?”
“You’re great, obviously. So, what’s not to like?”
“Yeah, maybe one day,” I mutter even though I doubt I’ll ever meet them. That’s something a boyfriend does, and that’s not what I am.
“So what about you?” he asks, and I suck my lip between my teeth.
I know he’s probably just asking me where I’m from, but I want Will to know more.
Want him to know me. “I’m from Ohio. It isn’t far, but I’m usually the one making the trip, not my mom.
She’s great and has always done her best for my brother and me, but most days she’s just trying to make ends meet.
” I shrug, and that’s probably enough family conversation for right now. “So, North Carolina?”
“Yeah. Coach loves it there, we go every year and play some out-of-conference games on the way down.”
“Do you stay overnight a lot during the season?” I can’t help but wonder how often I’ll actually be seeing him. The thought makes something twist in my gut even though it’d probably be for the best.
“I think we have two or three overnight trips planned on top of our spring break trip.”
“It’s cool you get to go somewhere warm.
I usually just stay here and work as much as I can.
It’s nice because campus is quiet, and I get more hours since most people do leave.
” Now that I say it out loud though, it sounds sad, and I worry my attempt at a lighter topic has failed miserably, so I rush to mention Josie’s plans.
“This year I’m actually going to a cabin with Josie for a few days, though.
She surprised me for my birthday and planned it. ”
“That sounds awesome, much more relaxing than a bus full of lacrosse players.”
I laugh, and my phone buzzes on the table. Damn, it’s my alarm already. I need to get to class.
“Well, that was quick, and we accomplished nothing,” I point out, but I don’t regret it.
He smiles. “I’m glad we got to hang out. I’ll walk you to class, too.” I level him with a look, but he shrugs. “It’s on the way to the science building.”
When he puts it that way… “Okay.” We get up from the table and gather our things before leaving the library. “So what day do you leave?”
“For break?” he checks as we walk down the sidewalk toward my class. I nod, and he continues. “Next Friday afternoon.”
For some reason I immediately wonder when I’ll see him again, as if it’s a challenge and we have to hang out as many times as possible before he leaves.
“When do you get back?”
“I think the following Friday night, maybe. Why? You going to miss me?”
“Eh,” I tease, shrugging, even though that tiny voice inside my head is chanting, yes, I wish you were coming to the lake with me instead.
“You’ll miss me,” he declares confidently, and I roll my eyes, but I’m unable to hide my smile.
“Well, this is my building, so I’ll see you later?” I’m not sure why that came out like a question, but it did.
“Yeah, I’ll text you.”
“Okay, bye!” I can feel myself blushing, so I hurry into my class, attempting to ignore the giddy way I seem to feel after spending time with Will recently.
And I definitely don’t spend my class daydreaming of a life where he’s actually into me and sees me as more than just his new friend.