Chapter 25
25
JANUARY 1991 – HONG KONG
Moira
Moira rolled onto her side, and stared at the envelope on her bedside table.
She’d known it was coming, but somehow, seeing it there made it so much more real. The contract with the Night Stars Talent agency had only been for six months, and she was already a couple of weeks past that. So now they’d made it official. Her time here would end in two weeks, unless she committed to another contract, this time for a year.
A year. And she only had another forty-eight hours to confirm, or they would terminate, effective immediately.
Forty-eight hours to decide between this life or the one she’d left behind in Scotland.
Forty-eight hours to decide between a future here or the dreams she’d left at home.
She had always intended this to be a six-month adventure on the road to a career in theatre, not a goodbye to everything she knew. Her theatre ambitions were what she’d trained for, worked for, given up her childhood and teenage years to study. It was why her parents had sunk every extra penny they had into supporting her with dance classes, acting coaching, singing lessons. It was the only life she’d ever envisaged for herself… until now. Now she had Nate and these incredible friends. But would this life here ever be enough? And could she even contemplate a future so far from her family? It would break her mum’s heart. And hers. But so would leaving Nate.
As if he heard her thoughts, Nate nuzzled into the back of her neck, murmured a half-awake, ‘Morning, babe,’ before going right back to sleep again.
She had forty-eight hours to decide between ‘with’ Nate or ‘without’ Nate.
‘Morning, my love,’ she replied, quietly, so that she wouldn’t wake him properly, because when he was asleep, she didn’t have to look at his gorgeous face and think about saying goodbye. Or think about staying here with him and living a different life to the one she’d always thought she’d have.
‘You could come back to Scotland with me,’ she’d said last night, when they’d been discussing it, as they’d done every night for the last month.
He hadn’t even pretended to consider it. ‘Come on, Moira, we both know that’s not an option. I was only staying here until I had enough money to move on. I’ve just about got enough to take a year off. Thailand. Singapore. Bali. I want to travel. Want to see the world. Want to surf at sunset on the beach in every country in Asia.’
‘Scotland has surfing…’ she’d tried to argue, not mentioning that for most of the year it was a dice with death from hypothermia. He didn’t take the bait.
‘Come with me,’ he’d said. ‘We’ve got something special here, babe, you know that. Let’s travel. You can pick up jobs wherever we land, and I’ll do the same. Let’s just see where it all takes us.’
Moira immediately heard her mother’s voice in her head. ‘See where it all takes you? That lad’s not got a sensible bone in his body. A proper job, that’s what he needs. With a union. And a pension.’ Her mother had always supported her career dreams because she believed in her. Saw how hard she’d worked to take every step forward. That’s the world she came from. Grafters. ‘Let’s just see where it takes us’ would have her mother going for a lie down in a dark room. And before she met Nate, Moira would have felt that way too. But now?
There was a quiet knock on the door, then it opened, and Carina poked her head in. ‘Are you awake?’ she whispered.
‘Would it matter?’ Moira asked, knowing the answer, but finding Carina’s charade of consideration amusing anyway.
‘No,’ Carina conceded. ‘Lisa’s room, two minutes.’ It was clearly a command, and Moira knew there was no point resisting. When Posh Pal was on a roll, the only thing to do was to give in willingly. Besides, it usually resulted in a good time, a good bit of gossip, or a good moan, and Moira would be happy for any of those things to take her mind off her own woes right now.
Using the kind of contortion that belonged in a circus, she managed to slip out from between Nate’s arms without waking him again. Forty-eight hours to decide if she was going to leave them forever. Or at least, for a while.
Wearing just the vest top and shorts that she’d slept in, and slipping her feet into a pair of flip flops, she padded out into the hallway, and then along the six feet to Lisa’s room.
Forty-eight hours to decide whether she could bear to leave her friends.
As soon as she walked in, she scoped out the room and still couldn’t believe the transformation. No ashtray. No dirty clothes on the floor. No fast-food containers. No used condom wrappers on the bedside table. No bottle of Jack Daniels next to them. And no random guy under the covers. The transformation had begun around Christmas, and they still had no suitable explanation.
‘When are you going to admit that you were beamed up by aliens and they’ve tampered with your brain?’ she asked her lovely Irish pal, who now looked more like Stevie Nicks than ever, because her shaggy blonde locks were washed and flowing down her back, and she had a bit of colour in her cheeks and a tiny bit of weight on her face, since she was no longer subsisting on a diet of nothing much more than Marlboro Reds and alcohol.
‘I told you, it’s my New Year resolution. New healthy me,’ Lisa insisted, for the hundredth time this month. ‘Fed up with the hangovers and feeling shit.’
Moira wanted to believe that there was nothing else behind it, but Carina had a theory. ‘I think she’s met someone that she’s madly in love with so she’s sorting herself out. It must be someone who’s squeaky clean. Maybe a vicar. Or Jason Donovan.’
Moira stuck to her guns. ‘I think the aliens are more likely than Jason Donovan.’
Looking at Lisa now though, whatever had transformed her beyond recognition could only be a good thing.
‘Okay, why did you get me out of bed at this un-godly hour?’ Moira asked, sitting down on the bed and for once, no longer having to worry that Lisa’s sheets were harbouring something contagious.
‘It’s nearly 2p.m.,’ Carina shot back.
‘Exactly.’
Since Carina had met Spencer, she’d started living more of a normal existence. No more partying after work – just straight home or over to his place, and then up at the same time as normal people in the mornings. Moira missed their old nocturnal activities, but Carina was unapologetic and too loved up to care.
‘Okay, so before we get to the really crucial stuff, have you decided whether to go home or stay here and then go travelling with Nate?’
Moira sighed. ‘I don’t think I can leave him. I really don’t. But… Argh, I don’t know. I’m not equipped to make life changing decisions. Either way, I’m going to hurt someone. If I stay, my family will be devastated. If I go, I’ll break his heart.’
‘And what about you?’ Lisa asked. ‘What will make you happy?’
Moira couldn’t answer. ‘Right now, the only thing making me happy is sitting here in my pants with my pals. I can’t bear the thought of leaving you two either, but I know the agency will move you both at some point too and we won’t be able to do anything about it.’ Carina and Lisa factored into her dilemma too. Carina had been candid about the fact she was considering giving this all up now that she’d found romantic bliss with Spencer, but Moira couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Lisa here alone – not even in her new, clean, non-wasted, celibate state. The creeping feeling of anxiety that had been making her stomach go like a tumble dryer for the last fortnight kicked up again and she knew she had to get off this track and stop thinking about it all. At least for now. ‘Okay, distract me. Tell me what is so crucial that you got me out of bed.’
Carina reached for two black dresses that were hanging on the front of Lisa’s wardrobe, and, with a theatrical flourish, held them up in front of her. ‘I need help to decide which one to wear tonight.’
‘That’s what you needed me for? To pick a dress?’
‘No, to pick the outfit I’ll be wearing when my mother finally comes to see the show. And you two have to be nice to her.’
‘Carina, the last time your mother met me, she cut you off and didn’t speak to you for months.’ Moira pointed out.
‘That wasn’t because of you. That was because… well, okay, you might have been a tiny part of it. And Lisa. And the bar. And the job. And because she’s a snobby cow, who didn’t even watch our performance last time she came to the bar because she felt it was beneath her. But I need my allowance back because I hate being skint. And Spencer is winning her over, so I just need to sway her on my job here and I’ll be back in the fold.’
‘I don’t know if I want to shoot myself or you,’ Moira sighed, flopping back on the bed. ‘Lisa, talk some sense into her. Tell her she doesn’t need the damn money.’
Lisa took a sip of her tea. Tea. With no Jack Daniels in it. ‘She kinda does. She’s terrible at being poor.’
‘See!’ Carina said, vindicated. ‘I’m going with this one,’ Carina said, holding up the dress in her left hand, making her mind up with zero input.
‘I’m disowning her,’ Moira groaned, rolling her head into Lisa’s lap. ‘Let’s bomb her out and we can just be the cool kids without her.’
Lisa didn’t reply. No smart-ass comment. No agreement. Nothing.
Moira squinted open one eye and saw a red rash creeping up Lisa’s neck.
She pushed herself upright. ‘What’s going on? Red rash on your neck. That only happens when you’re stressing.’
Lisa didn’t say anything for a few moments then she cracked. ‘I was going to wait and tell you later, but you know my contract with the agency is up in March…’
Oh no. Oh no. Moira knew exactly what was coming.
‘Well, I’ve told them I don’t want to renew. I’m going to go home to Ireland. To where I grew up. I’ve still got my gran’s house there – it’s been rented out since she passed away, so I’m going to make it mine.’
Carina’s chin dropped. ‘But you said you’d never go back.’
‘I guess I changed my mind. I’m over this. Like I said earlier, new me.’
They spent the rest of the day trying to persuade her to change her mind, but Lisa would just shrug and say it was done. ‘I love you guys, but I’m over this life. I want a bit of normality.’
‘Okay, well that’s settled then. Moira, you can’t leave,’ Carina demanded. ‘I can’t lose two best friends at the same time. Because, you know, it’s all about me.’
As usual, that made Moira laugh. ‘You’ve got Spencer. You don’t need friends any more.’
‘That’s not true!’ Carina argued staunchly, before letting out a chuckle and reverting to her usual brand of caustic humour. ‘I need to keep you around as a fall-back plan in case he ditches me.’
Moira was laughing on the outside, but on the inside, one more reason to stay had just dropped off the consideration list. Lisa was leaving, so Moira wouldn’t be abandoning her.
Hours later, as she got ready to leave for the show, that thought and a million other ones were still going round in Moira’s mind. She was as torn and confused as she’d been all week when Nate, on duty out at reception, shouted to her. She opened her door to see him dealing with a guest who was either checking in or checking out. Even now, when she watched him chat to people, that gorgeous smile and easy charm, she would get a thrill that he was hers. She loved him. That was all there was to this. She. Loved. Him.
Something in her heart took charge and after wrestling over the issue for weeks, she had a blinding moment of clarity. Nate was the first man she’d ever fallen in love with and she could quite honestly say she wouldn’t mind if he was the last, if this was the one for life. When was she going to find this kind of love again? Why would she ever want to say goodbye? Carina was right. She had to stay. Had to give it a try. If it didn’t work out, then she could go home in a month, or six, or a year, or whenever her mother persuaded Interpol to come drag her back. She was so relieved, so happy that she’d finally made a decision, that she almost missed that he was now holding out the cordless handset to her. ‘Phone for you, babe.’
Puzzled, heart thumping, she took it back into her room. The only person who’d ever called her here was her mum, and that was on her birthday, and she’d only stayed on for thirty seconds because international calls were way too expensive.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello, darling, it’s your favourite agent. You know, the one you abandoned to go off travelling the world.’
‘Calvin! Och, I miss you.’
Calvin had been her agent back in Glasgow. He was only a couple of years older than her, but he already had big plans. He swore he’d own his own company one day, but Moira wasn’t convinced. He seemed way too nice to be a ruthless businessman.
‘I miss you too, my sweet. I call with news, and I’ll get straight to the point because if I don’t, they’ll dock the cost of this call out of my wages. The Rocky Horror Show. The touring production. Remember you auditioned for them last year?’
Oh yes. She remembered every shimmy and song from that day. She thought she’d killed it, done enough to win the role of Magenta, but they’d passed and she’d been devastated.
‘They just offered you another callback. The actress who got it left and they need cover quickly. It’s your dream role, babe. The one you always wanted. First reaction?’
His words delivered a resounding reminder that since she was a kid, belting out songs from old Judy Garland movies, practising high kicks from Chicago , mimicking Liza Minelli in Cabaret, all she’d truly ever wanted to do was be on the stage. Everything else was just filling in until she got there.
‘When do they want to see me?’ she asked, biting her bottom lip.
‘I know it’s tight, but next Monday.’
Four days from now.
‘Can I get back to you tomorrow, Calvin?’
She heard the surprise in his voice, but he didn’t pressure her. Probably because the call was costing a fortune. ‘Of course, my love. But Moira… things like this don’t come around very often. This is what you’ve been waiting for.’
‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘And thank you. You’re amazing.’
‘Telling me things I already know, my darling.’ And with that there was a very final click.
Moira was frozen to the spot, an explosion taking place in her head. She’d just decided to stay, but… This call could change everything. A show. A touring production. A dream role. One that she’d have given anything to join six months ago. And sure, she might go back, audition again and still not get the part, but could she really take that chance? She was right back at square one on the quandary scale – take a chance on her dreams or take a chance on Nate?
‘Moira! Get a move on. Places to go, one snobby boot of a mother to see!’
That came from Carina, who was thudding her door once again. Moira grabbed her bag, put on her bright red lippy, and shot out of the door. At reception, she returned the phone to Nate and then gave him a kiss. ‘Are you coming to the show later?’ If he was free, he usually came to meet her, and they’d go down into Lan Kwai Fong for drinks and karaoke.
‘Babe, I’d love to but I’m doing a double shift tomorrow. 6a.m. start. Extra money and we need all we can get,’ he said pointedly. Moira knew what he was saying. We need it . They were a team. And he wasn’t even going to think about the possibility that she wouldn’t be with him when he left to go travelling.
‘Come on, love bird, let’s go,’ Carina bossed her, as she passed, Lisa right behind her.
Moira leaned over and kissed him again. ‘I love you.’
That gorgeous grin reappeared. ‘I love you too. Hurry up and come home.’
They took the usual route – stopping off at a street stall for chicken and rice, then on to the Star Ferry, Lisa sitting right at the edge of the seats so that she could feel the breeze on her face.
The bar was already packed out when they got there. Moira headed for her usual spot to watch Carina and Lisa play the first set, while Carina spotted her guests and went to greet them. Moira saw her beam when she kissed her mother on each cheek, then kissed Spencer too, before going up on stage with Lisa, and giving the best performance she’d ever turned in. They had the whole crowd in their pocket from the opening bar of ‘Dreams’, until Lisa whipped around in a frenzy as she belted out the last line of ‘The Chain’.
When their set came to a close, Moira got ready to take over and keep the party going, but it turned out there was an unexpected half time act. She watched as Spencer Lloyd walked up onto the stage and, with the kind of confidence that came with money, status and a tad of overindulgence, he proposed to her best friend in front of a cheering crowd.
Carina let out a very un-Carina-like shriek as she accepted, sending the whole place into raptures yet again. Even her mother’s face had cracked into a wide grin of approval. This was the future that Carina’s mum had wanted for her and now she was going to get it – and look how happy it had made them all.
As Moira cheered, clapped and cried for her friend, the balance on the scales of her decision tipped in a different direction yet again. Lisa was leaving. Carina, the future Mrs Lloyd, definitely would now too. Nate wanted her to stay with him, but only on his terms. Meanwhile, her family wanted her home, and her dream job was in touching distance.
There was only one thing that made sense.
‘Lisa, I think I need to go home,’ she whispered to her friend, standing next to her. ‘Will you cover my next two weeks for me? You know my sets off by heart.’ The two weeks left on her contract would have to be completed.
‘Aw feck, are you sure? And yes, you know I will. Jesus, are we really doing this? We’re really all going?’
Moira wrapped her arms around Lisa’s tiny shoulders. ‘I think so. At least for a while. You know I love you, Lisa Dixon. This has been the best time ever.’
‘Right back at you, doll,’ Lisa murmured, with a loud sniff right in Moira’s ear, before she let go, dried her eyes. ‘But we need to stop all this emotional stuff or I’ll be right back on the drink,’ she said, forcing a smile. Moira knew she was joking. Something had happened in her friend that she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but she seemed so much happier. Whatever it was, Moira could see it was a good thing.
‘Eeeeekkkkkk,’ the very unladylike shriek came from Carina, who’d sneaked up beside them, and was now waving a left hand with a very large rock on it in front of them. ‘Christ, you could play snooker with that thing,’ Moira said, before the three of them went into a hug huddle. ‘Congratulations, pal. We’re so happy for you. He’s a lucky guy to get you.’
‘I can’t believe it. My mother is over the fricking moon. This might be the best day of her life – her daughter is no longer the family fuck-up. I think she’s about to start a conga round the bar.’
The three of them turned to see Carina’s mum, who was positively beaming as she gave her new son-in-law-to-be a very restrained, elegant embrace. ‘That’s the closest she gets to excitement,’ Carina chuckled. ‘But, oh, look at my fiancé. I’m getting married!’
She shrieked again, before grabbing Moira’s hand. ‘Right, come on, let’s go get this set done, so I can get out of here. I’m calling the agency first thing in the morning and telling them that regretfully I’ll be leaving their crap-paying, hovel-living job of a lifetime with immediate effect. Spencer just told me he has booked us on a celebration trip to Singapore, leaving tomorrow. Please don’t hate me for leaving you.’
Moira decided this wasn’t the time to tell her she was going too, or that Carina had just made it easier for her to say goodbye. There was only one person now that Moira was letting down by going… She just needed to find the heart to say goodbye to him too.
Still holding hands, Carina and Moira went up onto the stage, and Moira went straight to the mic. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give it up one more time for our newly engaged fiancée, Carina!’ The crowd, so many of them familiar faces that they’d got to know over the last six months, cheered, stamped their feet and did drum rolls on the tables.
‘This is a very special night for all of us…’ Moira felt the words catch in her throat, but her pause was filled by another enthusiastic cheer from the crowd. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she went on, ‘So we thought that we’d do something really special. If you were here on Christmas Eve, you might have seen all three of us, Carina, Lisa and me, up here together. So tonight, we thought we’d do that one more time…’
She raised her eyebrows questioningly at Lisa, over at the bar, ‘What do you say, Lisa? Fancy joining us up here for one more night?’
The crowd wasn’t giving her the option to say no, as they cheered her all the way to the stage. Moira had a mic waiting for her, and Lisa went straight into an intro.
‘You know, you see us up here every night and we love you all for being here. But what you don’t see, is that away from this stage, these are the best friends I’ve ever had.’
Moira raised her mic. ‘Until forever,’ she agreed, giving in to some more very unprofessional tears.
Back to Lisa. ‘So how about we start with this and see where we go…’
With pitch perfect clarity, she belted out, acapella, the first line of ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’, by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, a song that was in Moira’s Motown playlist, so she knew exactly where to go with it. Moira joined in on the second half of the verse, Carina came in on keyboards, and everyone in the bar joined in the absolute celebration of love, of friendship and of always having someone to call on.
For the next two hours, long after they should have finished, they moved through all their favourites, taking requests from the audience, hyping up the party so that everyone in the bar – even Carina’s mother – knew they were sharing something special.
It was almost 1a.m. when Moira, high on the performance and glowing with the heat and electricity in the room, stepped forward to say goodnight. ‘Thank you so much to you all. You’ve made this an incredible night for us. There’s no one in the world that I’d rather sing with than these two ladies here…’ Carina and Lisa both took a bow to more applause. ‘And I love them both beyond words. But all incredible things have to move on sometimes and no matter how much you love someone or something, you have to let it go so that they can fly on to better things…’
The crowd obviously thought she was referring to Carina’s engagement, so the cheer was rapturous, and Carina responded with an elaborate curtsy. They didn’t realise it was about so much more. Lisa was going back to a very different life, but for whatever reason, it was her choice, and she’d never looked more at peace. Moira knew, deep in her soul, that the only choice she could make tonight, no matter how much it broke her heart, was to choose dreams over love, at least for now. ‘So tonight, there’s only one song, that feels right to leave you with…’
She didn’t even have to tell the others. Carina instinctively knew, and began playing on the keyboard.
And as the introduction of ‘Landslide’ filled the room you could hear a pin drop, until three gorgeous voices, in perfect harmony, came in with the most incredible, heart-twisting tale of change, of saying goodbye to a piece of your heart, and rising above to a new place to find happiness.
As the crowd cheered the final note, and the three of them exchanged glances that said so much more than words, Moira knew there would never be a more perfect way to say goodbye.
Except…
‘Come with me,’ Carina said, when the lights came up and the bar began to empty. ‘I’ve told Spencer and my mum to wait in the lobby bar, so I only have a minute.’
Moira and Lisa followed her up the back staircase, and out through the fire exit to the pool terrace, overlooking the harbour and bathed in moonlight.
‘Will you still be here when I get back?’ Carina asked them. Moira shook her head. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘You’re going?’ There was no surprise in her voice.
‘I need to.’ Moira told her, feeling the truth of that.
Carina turned to the third friend in the trio. ‘Lisa?’
Lisa shrugged, smiling. ‘Can’t play without Christine McVie so I guess it’s time.’
‘Promise me that we’ll keep in touch. I mean, I’ll be far too busy living a windswept and glamorous life, to hang out with you two…’ Moira and Lisa both rolled their eyes at exactly the same time, and Carina grinned at their desired reaction. ‘But promise we’ll always know where we are. You know. Just in case…’
Moira nodded. ‘Promise. Lisa?’
‘Promise.’
‘Okay, I need to go before Spencer spends more time with my mother and changes his mind about marrying me. Love you both.’
‘Love you too,’ Moira choked. ‘Although, you’re definitely way too posh for me.’
‘And you’re definitely way too fricking sensible now,’ she added to Lisa. One more hug, and then Carina bolted off.
‘You coming too?’ Lisa asked. ‘I’m going to go say goodbye to the guys at the bar.’
Moira shook her head. ‘I’ll catch up with you.’
She didn’t. Instead, she sat there for another half hour, thinking everything through, watching the moon glisten on the harbour in front of her, then she went home and packed her bag. Nate was sound asleep in her bed, and she couldn’t bear to wake him, couldn’t bear to see his face when she broke his heart.
Instead, she wrote him a note.
Need to go home for audition. Will call you and be back soon. Love you xx
She would go home, audition for the part, and if she didn’t get it, she’d be back. And if she did get it, she’d let him know and she’d come back after the theatre run. Six months. Maybe a year. As long as they kept in touch, she’d know where to find him. If Nate loved her, he’d understand that. She thought about leaving her mum’s address then changed her mind. If he came to find her, she didn’t trust herself to refuse him. No. She knew where he was. She’d find him. She kissed her fingers, then laid them on his sleeping head, a silent goodbye to the first love of her life.
Grabbing her bag, she remembered to lift the open return flight ticket that the agency had given her when she came here. She’d get it validated at the airport.
Crossing the room without making a sound, she opened the door and spotted a piece of paper that had been pushed under it. Lisa’s name. An address in Ireland. She’d know where to find her too. And Carina… well, she’d never be difficult to track down. Just to make sure, she borrowed a pen and two pieces of paper from Wai at reception, jotted her mum’s address and a note on both, and pushed them under Carina and Lisa’s doors.
There was one more moment downstairs, when she walked outside into the quiet dawn and her resolve crumbled. She could stop. Turn back. He would never need to know. That’s when a taxi came around the corner and she jumped in before she could change her mind.
As the taxi drove off down Salisbury Road, she watched the sun come up over the harbour, and in her mind, she said goodbye to the island she’d loved.
‘I’ll be back,’ she promised silently. She wasn’t done with Nate. She wasn’t done with her friends. She wasn’t done with Hong Kong.
One way or another, she’d get back to them all one day.