14. Zara
ZARA
“I didn’t return Kenda’s call because…” Garrett winces next to me on the large sectional couch, his gaze on the ceiling. “Because it’s complicated.”
Right. Complicated. The code word for “I fucked up” or “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Despite my curiosity and so many unspoken questions, I respect his wishes and push up from the couch. “I need to get to work on the snacks.”
A daughter. He and Kenda had a daughter. Together.
A hot urge to chop something, anything, thrums through my veins, and I head for Garrett’s kitchen. My thoughts are a train wreck, and the cars keep piling up. Even the idea of working in my dream kitchen doesn’t put them back on the track.
Being dumped by a boyfriend who was still in love with his ex-wife doesn’t seem so big anymore.
Not in comparison to finding out Kenda is dead and she left behind a daughter who belongs to Garrett.
And given what Garrett is currently going through, it’s hardly the time to bring up what happened between Joseph and me.
I remove a knife from Garrett’s knife block and begin chopping the onions I brought with me. Now all the tears can be blamed on the onions and not on how the truth—Kenda is dead and Garrett has a daughter—has left me gutted, bleeding out across the floor.
He joins me in the kitchen. “What can I do to help?”
I point the knife at the carrots. “They need peeling and chopping.” Sniff. “Where’s your daughter right now?” I look around the kitchen as if that will make her magically appear. Sniff.
“She’s staying in the hotel with her nanny.”
“Nanny?”
“Athena. The woman who brought Peony here.”
I guess that would make sense. Kenda needed someone to look after her daughter while she was making a difference in the world. But why not bring the little girl home to stay with her father while she did that? Garrett’s mother would’ve been overjoyed to help out and look after her granddaughter.
But instead of saying any of that, I splutter, “Your daughter’s name is Peony?”
He nods, and I smile at him through a new round of tears. “That’s a pretty name. When do I get to meet her?” When do I get to meet the little girl who is breaking my heart for so many reasons?
“Tomorrow? Will that work for you?”
“It does. I can’t wait to see her.” A picture of what she’ll look like pops in my head. An adorable little girl with Garrett’s brown eyes and Kenda’s coils. In my mind, she’s a sweet combination of the two people who once were everything to me.
Garrett pours me a glass of Shiraz, grabs a beer for himself, and helps me prepare the snacks for tonight.
While we work, he tells me about his daughter and how she’s super shy with him.
About his parents’ reaction to the news they’re now grandparents.
About Kenda’s letter. About how he bought furniture and supplies for Peony, even though he’s waiting for the paternity results.
I can’t imagine what Peony’s going through after losing everything she owned in a fire and violently losing her mother. And then to find out she has a father…and an entire family she didn’t know about.
It’s no wonder she’s so shy with Garrett. All of it must be so overwhelming .
Simone, Jess, Emily, and Garrett’s brothers arrive at his house an hour later for Game Night, and I listen as he explains it all again for their benefit.
Not once does the tightness in my chest ease even a tiny amount at the senselessness of Kenda’s death.
Or at the news about Peony—and how her existence means Garrett and I can definitely never be together.
“Wow, that’s a lot to process.” Emily takes a sip of her Chardonnay.
Garrett slouches back on the couch. “It is a lot. I’ve known about it for just over twenty-four hours, and I’m still processing.”
“I can imagine,” Troy says, his arm protectively around Jess. She’s leaning into him, her head on his broad shoulder. “So, you’re positive she’s your daughter?”
“I won’t know for sure until I get the paternity results, but I have accepted there’s a good chance she is my daughter.”
Garrett doesn’t say it to our friends, but he has told me his other concerns. If he isn’t Peony’s father, Kenda had a good reason for not telling him the truth. She knew he would do the paternity test. Just to be certain.
But he didn’t tell me what he will do if the results are negative, and I didn’t push the issue.
Simone, Jess, and Em watch me, sympathy shaping the curve of their mouths. Silently asking me how I’m doing now that Garrett is a father and Kenda is dead. Silently asking me how I’m doing, given I’ve been in love with Garrett forever.
I flash them a smile I hope they translate for what it is—a surrendering of my heart to this new reality.
“How’s Joseph doing?” Simone asks once there’s a lull in the conversation. She’s curled into Lucas’s side, the two of them cozy together on the far end of the couch.
“We broke up last night.”
Garrett gives me a double take. “You never mentioned you guys broke up?” There’s almost an accusation in his tone, the brush of surprise.
I shrug, the movement coming so casually. “It didn’t seem important after what you had to tell me.” That, combined with what happened yesterday afternoon at P that’s the important thing.
” Garrett opens his mouth to no doubt argue this, so I rush to add, “But that reminds me.” I tell them my plans to expand P&T and how the place next door is available for lease, skillfully diverting the discussion in a new direction.
I’d rather not relive yesterday’s events.
It’s enough I did that in my dreams last night.
“Would you be able to give me an estimate for the renovations I’m looking at doing?” I ask Troy. “In case I get the lease approved on the space.”
“Sure. I can come over tomorrow afternoon. Say around one?” He grabs one of the cheesy Creole shrimp toasts from the plate on the coffee table and takes a bite.
“That would be great. Thanks, Troy.” I turn to Garrett, who still looks a little unsettled by everything that has happened in the past twenty-four hours. “Does that time work for you with me meeting Peony?”
“It should. We can go to the hotel at eleven. I’ll check with Athena if that works with Peony’s schedule.”
“And then the four of us can go to P&T for lunch. I bet after you give her one of my desserts, your daughter will be less shy with you.” I flash him a grin and give his hand a quick squeeze.
“So…does anyone else have any secrets they should share with us before we find out the hard way?” My question rolls out on a chuckle, and my gaze lands on each of my friends in turn.
Simone and Lucas exchange a knowing glance. That gets us all sitting up a little straighter, anticipation for their news an electrical current in the air.
An easy smile spreads across Lucas’s face. “We found out this afternoon, we’ve been approved to be foster parents. We’ll be getting the two girls next week.”
Emily and I shriek, our grins uncontained. They’ve been discussing becoming foster parents for the past year, after Lucas learned about the car accident more than ten years ago that robbed them of their unborn child and resulted in Simone having an emergency hysterectomy.
“Congratulations,” I tell them, my grin still in place.
“Two? And I thought I’d be busy with a toddler.” Garrett laughs, the rough, rumbled sound that hits me straight between the legs like the stroke of a finger along my pussy.
I shift, attempting to ease the effect that sound has on me .
“The youngest is two and a half,” Simone explains, “so maybe we can have playdates with your daughter, once she gets more settled.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Then you can help me figure out what the hell I’m doing.”
Lucas snorts a laugh. “I think we’ll be figuring this all out together. Simone and I have taken the required foster care classes, but we’re also new to this parenting thing.”
I nudge Garrett in the side with my elbow. “If you need help with Peony…I might not know a lot about being a parent, but I do know about being an aunt to a young toddler.”
“I’m also available if you need any pointers,” Jess adds.
“I had two glorious years with my daughter until I had to give her up. I remember a thing or two about that age.” Troy presses another kiss to her temple, knowing Jess still hurts from what happened in her life prior to moving to Maple Ridge.
“Thanks. I’ll take any help I can get. I’ve already faced my first toddler meltdown, and something tells me it won’t get any easier.”
In all the years I’ve known Garrett, this is the first time I’ve seen him look so beautifully, heartbreakingly lost. A tugging in my gut warns me there’s more to it than just Kenda’s death and finding out he’s a father.
It’s the same unexplainable tugging I have felt for several years now, ever since he retired from the Marines. Every time I bring up his time in the military, he changes the topic, shuts me down.
Or acts like I’m imagining things.
But I know the truth. Something happened while Garrett was overseas, something that made him feel adrift—and one day, I hope he tells me what that was.