21. Zara
ZARA
Thursday after work, I let myself into Garrett’s house and follow the sound of Peony and Athena playing in the living room. Poppy and several other stuffed animals and a large squirrel pillow are lying in a row on the floor in front of Peony.
“Hey there, Peony. Hi, Athena.” I give them a friendly wave.
Peony waves back. A small smile bends the corners of Athena’s mouth, but there’s something half-hearted about it. “Hi.”
I crouch next to them. My hips and the base of my spine grumble, waiting for the recent dose of ibuprofen to kick in. “What are you two playing?”
Peony grins up at me and picks up Poppy. “Dac-ter.”
Athena strokes Peony’s back, the adoring smile on her face solely for the little girl. It’s the same smile Mama often has for my brothers and me. The smile that tells us we’re loved. We’re her sun and her universe.
An image of Athena as Garrett’s wife and Peony’s mother slithers into my head and takes root.
My chest constricts, my stomach drops, and my limbs feel like dead trees during the winter freeze.
That’s it. No more reading romances in which the single father falls for the nanny.
I don’t need the trope fueling my imagination more than it already is.
True, Garrett and Athena would make a beautiful couple and produce beautiful babies. But they would be nowhere near as beautiful as the little girl I get to spend the next two hours with while Garrett teaches Athena self-defense.
“Da-ter?” I ask the nymphlike nanny. Her strawberry-blond hair is secured in a messily sexy ponytail. Peony’s coils are tied up in two cute little buns on top of her head, decorated with red bows.
“Doctor. We’re playing doctor.” Athena looks at me— really looks at me—as if trying to get a solid read on me. Her head then turns to where Garrett is standing in the entranceway to the living room, near the huge screen TV. “Maybe we should bring Peony with us. She can watch.”
“No, it’s better she stays here with Zara. It will be hard to teach you self-defense if we’re distracted, keeping an eye on her. But we can always delay the lessons a few weeks if you want.”
“No!” The word flies from the usually soft-spoken Athena, its edges whip sharp. “I mean…I want to learn some moves. So I can protect Peony. Just in case.”
O-kay . I can understand that. The odds of someone attempting to hurt or kidnap Peony while she’s with Athena are low in Maple Ridge, but it doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
Athena is thin, like a dancer, but without the muscles that come from training.
She’ll need any advantage she can get, whether or not she is Peony’s nanny.
“Peony and I will be fine while you’re learning to be a bad”—I glance at Peony, catching myself in time—“a bad-antelope.”
Athena’s brow scrunches, and she straightens to a stand. “Bad-antelope? Is that Oregon slang for something?”
Garrett laughs, the sound abrupt. “I think Zara was sparing Peony from learning a word you don’t want her repeating.” He spells out badass.
That gets a grin out of Athena. “Yes, I would love to be a bad-antelope,” she tells him. To me she says, “Are you sure you’ll be okay looking after Peony?” She bites her lip, looking far from convinced.
“I love kids. And I have a niece who’s a little younger than Peony.” Well, more like five months younger. “We’ll be fine. Go!”
Athena touches Peony’s arm, distracting Peony from her game of putting colorful Band-Aids on the stuffed animals’ legs. “I’m going somewhere with your daddy for a little bit, and Zara”—she points at me—“will play with you while I’m gone.” She strokes Peony’s head. “You be good for her, okay?”
The adorable toothy smile Peony flashes her makes my heart go a little gooey.
Athena kneels next to Peony. “Do I get a bye-bye hug?”
Peony scrambles to her feet and gives Athena a big hug, almost knocking her off-balance.
Athena kisses her on the crown of her head. “Give your daddy a bye-bye hug?”
Without looking at Garrett, Peony shakes her head, her declaration firm, and returns to playing with the stuffed animals.
A flare of hurt clouds his expression, and I ache to reassure him things will be okay. After everything he’s done for her so far, she’s got to see just how wonderful the man standing in front of us is. He’s not a man to fear. He’s a man to respect. To appreciate. To love.
Oh, screw it.
I push to my feet, my back and hips grumbling a little louder this time. Kids learn by example, so…
I throw my arms around Garrett, hugging him like I’ve done so many times. His arms, thick with muscle, strong with heart, embrace me. And like every other time I’ve hugged him, his arms feel like home.
“Thanks,” he murmurs in my ear, his deep voice igniting a round of fireworks throughout my body. “I needed that.”
“You’re welcome,” I murmur, holding on to him for a beat longer than is probably necessary to prove my point. Afraid to meet his eyes and risk him seeing how I really feel about him.
I step away and glance down at Peony. She’s not paying attention to us, engrossed with putting each of her stuffed animals on the couch, one by one. So much for that idea.
“Bye-bye, Peony,” Athena says, moving away from the couch.
Peony turns long enough to wave and grin at her, seemingly not at all worried that Athena’s leaving her with me.
The garage door clicks shut behind Athena and Garrett, and I lower to the floor to play with Kenda’s daughter. I have so many questions I want to ask her about her mama. So many things I want to know about Kenda’s final days.
But even if I did dare ask Peony, she’s only eighteen months old. She doesn’t have the communication skills to tell me everything I want to know.
Only Athena can tell me, but there’s something about her I can’t put my finger on. Something I can’t quite puzzle out. It’s like there’s a wall between us. A wall that is completely her doing, but I don’t know what’s compelled her to erect it.
Oh, I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with her moving to a small town where she doesn’t know anyone ?
Or maybe it has something to do with her losing her employer and friend to the senselessness of gun violence.
Beyoncé’s rich voice flows from the speakers as Peony and I dance to “Spirit.” My body is less stiff now than it was while I was reading to her on the couch. My hips and lower-back muscles were so tight, I could barely push to a stand without wincing.
Peony giggles and bounces on the spot, Poppy tucked in the crook of her arm. My feet and arms move in time to the beat, the words and music reaching down to my soul. The low light streaming through the windows wraps me in nature’s spotlight. I laugh.
I close my eyes, embracing the First Lady of Music’s lyrics, and lift my arms above my head. A sharp pain slams my shoulders at the movement, and I grimace, dropping my arms to my sides.
“Nina!” Peony rushes toward the entrance to the living room.
Athena scoops her up, and Peony loops her arms around her neck, almost strangling her. Athena laughs and kisses her cheek. Not once does Peony acknowledge her father, who walked into the living room behind Athena.
“How did it go?” Garrett asks me, smiling as if Peony’s snub doesn’t hurt, but his eyes tell me otherwise. The bruise of emotion is slight, the wisp of a cloud. Recognizable only to those who know him well.
Lie to him. Reassure him Peony reacts to you the same way she does him.
But I can’t lie to him. He needs my help with her so he can focus on his book when Athena is off duty. During those times his mother can’t help out. And I love spending time with Peony. Love spending time with the only link I have left to Kenda.
I pick up my phone from the coffee table and stop Beyoncé midsong. “It went great. We had a lot of fun. Didn’t we, Peony?”
At her name, she turns in Athena’s arms and grins at me. I take a step forward. The urge to kiss her on the forehead, like Mama did when I was little, flickers in my chest.
I then catch the look in Athena’s eyes—a look heavily laced with jealousy or annoyance or resentment—and it’s enough to snuff out the urge.
Or maybe her reaction is just my imagination, triggered by grief. And at knowing that Kenda had kept Peony’s existence a secret from both Garrett and me.
“How did the self-defense lesson go?” Or am I better off not knowing?
Athena’s hair is messier than it was when she left. An I’ve-been-freshly-fucked messy. It’s also damp around her hairline.
“It was good. Garrett didn’t go easy on me, which was great.”
“You’re a fast learner.” Garrett smiles at her like she’s his prized student. Oh, God, did they make out?
Please tell me they didn’t make out.
“Yeah, he’s not known for going easy. My body was sore for a week after he taught me moves.” I was also highly turned-on during our lessons, which had left me wanting to dry-hump him while he was on top of me, my body pressed into the mat.
Needing to get out of here before I can torture myself any further, I say goodbye to Peony and Athena and walk to the front door. Garrett comes with me.
“You want to tell me your secret?” he asks, escorting me to my car. The golden sunlight bathes the driveway and a narrow strip of the flower bed alongside it in a warm glow. The trees and bushes create shadows over the rest of the ground .
“My secret?” The question comes out on a choked squeak. Which secret? The one where I’ve been secretly in love with him since college?
“Yes. Your secret. How did you get Peony to accept you? It’s obvious she’d prefer it if I disappeared.” His tone isn’t bitter or sad. It’s hopeful. Hopeful I have the magic equation he’s searching for.
“I don’t think there is any secret to it. You told me she’s scared of your brothers and father. One of my employees adopted a kitten last year who was scared of men. It had been abandoned in a dumpster, and the vet figured a man may have dumped her in there, and that’s why she was scared of men.”
The corner of Garrett’s mouth tilts up. “So you think a man dumped my daughter in a dumpster, and that’s why she’s scared of me?”
I playfully punch him in his rock-hard stomach. “No, silly. But the explanation makes sense. A man killed her mama. Maybe she generalized that to mean all men are dangerous. They’re all someone to fear.”
“That’s what I thought, but…I don’t know.
” He rubs his neck. He’s a man who’s often in motion when he’s stressed, who paces, who gardens, who moves.
It speaks volumes about our friendship—I try not to resent the word too much—that he’s okay being still with me.
“Did your employee’s kitten ever get over her fear of men? ”
“Eventually. But I don’t think Peony is scared of you. Not anymore. She didn’t seem scared this time. Just…um…”
“Indifferent?”
I nod. “Which is good. It means she’s progressing. I’m positive things will improve soon.” I reach for his hand and lightly squeeze it. “Keep making her feel loved and protected, and you’ll get there, Garrett.”
I press my front teeth into my bottom lip, wondering if I have the right to ask the next question.
I probably don’t, but I have to know. “Is there something going on between you and Athena?” Dread splits the words down the middle, a flash of lightning ready to ignite everything in its path. To burn me with the truth.
Garrett chuckles. “Odd thing to say.”
“I know. I’m just…curious.”
“What exactly are you asking?” His raised eyebrow tells me he isn’t all that clueless of the implication behind my question .
“Are you hooking up with her?”
A laugh rumbles low in his chest. Our bodies aren’t touching, but that doesn’t prevent the sound from vibrating through my body. “There’s nothing to be curious—or jealous—about.” A teasing smirk tilts the corner of his mouth.
“I’m not jealous.” I roll my eyes as if the idea of me being jealous is preposterous.
“She’s my daughter’s nanny. An employee. Nothing more.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to mention the single-father-nanny romance trope, but I think I’ll save myself from having that embarrassing conversation. “Okay. Not that it’s any of my business if you two hook up.” Shut up, Zara.
I open my car door. “Peony is going to realize soon just how incredible you are, Garrett. You have to keep believing that.” I reach up to give him a friendly peck on the cheek.
Except Garrett turns his head at that precise second, and my lips accidentally brush his. His subtle mountain-fresh scent lassoes me, keeps me from pulling away.
I stay motionless for a beat, breathing him in, stunned at how soft his lips are. Stunned at how my lips tingle from the touch, how my heart beats faster than hummingbird wings.
A bird caws loudly from somewhere nearby, sending a wave of reality crashing over me, endlessly questioning what the hell I’m doing. I jerk away. “Oops. Sorry. Didn’t mean to do that.”
I duck into the driver’s seat before he can ask me why the fuck I kissed him. Or before he lets me know how he’s not into me like that.
I turn over the engine and reverse out of the driveway, not once daring to meet his eyes.