48. Zara
ZARA
Garret: Have to cancel tonight. Sorry.
Sitting on the staff-room couch, I reread the text he sent me this morning.
Then I reread the five other identical texts he had sent me, starting the day after we returned to Maple Ridge from Alabama.
He was so devastated at the loss of his friend, he couldn’t even sit through the service. And the way he fucked me afterward—hard, desperate, a quiet anger hovering at the edge—further confirmed his devastation.
On top of that, he’s drowning in stress from his rapidly approaching deadline. A deadline that might be more manageable if not for Wilderness Warriors, Peony, and Garrett’s unofficial role in my treatment plan.
It’s no wonder he’s been canceling.
My chronic medical condition and I are a burden to the man I love. Just as I feared we would be.
Another text pings on my phone.
Emily: I’m here !
I grab the bag of samosas from the coffee table and walk down the hallway to the main sitting area of the café.
Even with the expansion, there aren’t any empty seats. Picnic & Treats is one of the hottest spots in town, even more so with the new programs I now offer…including a monthly book club meeting for spicy romances.
Despite my crushing realization about Garrett, I can’t keep the grin from my face at seeing what I’ve accomplished. Picnic & Treats and the work I’m starting to do with the small-business association…those are my crowning glories.
Too bad my crowning glories can’t give me orgasms.
Or kiss me the way Garrett can.
No man can kiss me the way he can.
“Text me if you need anything,” I tell Anastasia, who’s working behind the front counter.
Then I join Emily standing near the main entrance. She’s wearing a yellow sundress covered with daisies and is carrying a picnic basket. A bright smile shines on her face.
Emily is a perpetually sunny day, happy to share her warmth with everyone.After receiving Garrett’s latest text, I’m more than delighted to absorb that warmth. To bask in its glow.
We stroll along the sidewalk to the local park and find an empty bench overlooking the pond to sit on. The sweet scent of freshly mowed grass and the lazy last days of July ease my lingering stress.
Emily’s phone rings, and she checks the screen. “Sorry, I have to get this. It will only take a second.”
I nod and flash her a reassuring, I’m-good-with-that smile. I inhale deeply and repeat several times in my head my daily mantra: I choose to remain positive so my body can heal.
Chronic pain is often linked to depression, and pain and depression can become a vicious circle. The more intense the pain, the worse the symptoms of depression. The worse the symptoms of depression, the more intense the pain…
It’s a cycle I’ve been working hard at not getting caught up in, which isn’t always easy to do.
I open the photo app on my phone and visit the positivity vision board I created last weekend. The uplifting photos and quotes make me smile and remind me that I’ve got this.
Sure, the vision board won’t cure my chronic pain, but there is something to having a positive mindset. The creation of vision boards is just one more thing in my arsenal to help manage the pain. The added bonus is that it is side-effect free.
I slip my phone in my purse as Emily ends her call. “Did Melody and Hunter figure out what they want for their rehearsal dinner?”
“They did. They sent it to me just as I was walking out the door. I’ll forward it to you once I get back to the office.”
“Thanks.” I open the bag of samosas sitting next to me and offer one to Emily. “I don’t know how you do it all. Working for Kellan and running your own business.” Especially at this time of year, when she’s dealing with more weddings than normal.
“Ha. As if you aren’t super busy with everything you’ve piled on your plate.”
I shrug half-heartedly. “ Touché . But I am doing a better job with balancing everything, now that I know about the spondyloarthritis and how to manage it better. Lord knows what might have happened if I hadn’t been properly diagnosed.
” The uveitis was bad enough. I’d rather avoid the condition worsening and have other painful and annoying symptoms dumped on me.
We talk for a few minutes about the upcoming small weddings I’m catering and she’s coordinating.
“Have you seen Kylie and Zoe lately?” Emily asks once we’ve finished the business talk.
“I did. The other day. They’re doing well, all things considered.” I eye her suspiciously. Emily is vibrating with excitement. More excitement than expected, even for Em. “What’s going on? Why are you so happy?”
“I’m always happy.”
“Uh-huh. But right now, you’re like supersized happy. So, what gives?”
“I’m just happy for Simone and Lucas. Especially now that they’re starting a family.”
“You mean…because they became foster parents?” I pop what’s left of my samosa into my mouth .
Emily chews on her lip. It’s her deliberation expression. Her weighing-the-pros-and-cons face. Whatever she’s dying to tell me, it’s big. “No. Because they’re planning to adopt Kylie and Zoe.”
I gape at her for a heartbeat, her words turning into bubbles of excitement and happiness for one of my closest female friends. Adopting. Simone and Lucas are going to be parents. The parents they would have been a decade ago if not for the drunk driver.
Emily presses her finger to her lips. “You can’t mention it to anyone—Simone plans to tell everyone soon—but they’ve fallen in love with the girls and don’t want to see them bounced around the system.”
“Wow, that’s great. And it doesn’t surprise me. Simone and Lucas have so much love to share.”
“They do. It’s a slow process, and they’re not asking the girls yet, given they’ve only recently lost their parents.” She tilts her head to the side. “What about you? Would you like to be part of Garrett and Peony’s family? As more than just a friend?”
I startle at her question, though I shouldn’t be too surprised she asked it. It’s also clear from her expression that she knows the answer. “You love Peony like she’s your own daughter, don’t you?”
“How could I not?”
“You just have to tell Garrett you’re in love with him and poof .” Em waves her hand like she’s Cinderella’s fairy godmother.
I grab another samosa from the bag and pull a chunk of fried dough from it. Filling falls to my lap. “But he doesn’t feel the same way about me, so why bother?” I doubt even Cinderella’s fairy godmother could help me there.
“You’re wrong. I’ve seen how he looks at you, Zara.” Emily’s words float out on a dreamy, wishful sigh.
The corners of my mouth twitch, and I barely restrain a snorted laugh. “Looks at me? How does he look at me?”
She doesn’t get the chance to answer. A good-looking man in his early forties, pushing a woman in a wheelchair, approaches our bench. “Is it okay if I sit there?” He points to the empty spot next to me.
I shuffle my ass closer to Emily, giving him more space to sit. “Absolutely! ”
Okay, I might have said that with a lot more enthusiasm than probably either he or the woman were expecting. Anything to get me out of that conversation with Em .
The woman chuckles. She’s extremely pretty. Her golden hair is tied up in a messy bun and she’s wearing a shell-pink dress. But what is especially breathtaking about her is the long, delicate vine and butterfly tattoo traveling up her arm.
Her husband, if their wedding rings are anything to go by, leans down and kisses her.
And I swear Em releases another long, dreamy sigh.
Or maybe that was me.
“Are you visiting Maple Ridge?” she asks the couple.
“Yes,” the woman replies as her husband sits on the bench. “We’re from Portland. I love the mountains and keep hearing how pretty this town is. So, we thought we’d celebrate our wedding anniversary here.”
“Happy anniversary,” both Em and I exclaim at the same time. “How long have you been married?” I add.
“Fourteen years. Fourteen crazy years with lots of ups and downs.” She grins at her husband.
“Not to mention more medical appointments than I care to think about.” She rolls her eyes, her smile waning only a tiny amount.
“But Nick has stood by my side when I’m sure there were things he would rather be doing. ”
He takes her hand and kisses the back of it, making my insides swoon a little. Okay. A lot.
“You’re my best friend. The woman I love. There is nowhere I’d rather be than with you.”
It’s a sign. That’s what Emily’s smug look is trying to say. The universe is sending you a sign. You and Garrett belong together.
What am I supposed to do about that? Tell Garrett the truth about my feelings for him?
Or maybe the Universe could help me out and be the one to tell him.