62. Zara
ZARA
Six days after Garrett told me he loves me, he and I enter his house through the garage door.
While I was recuperating in New Orleans, we spent a lot of the time cuddling in bed and talking. Talking and cuddling. He told me about Eli and Joshua—his two closest friends from the Marines—his reason for being in Tucson, and why he pulled away that day I told him I loved him.
Guilt is a shadow on his soul, because he wasn’t there when the man broke into the house and kidnapped Peony and me. But he has agreed to talk to someone about the guilt, to make sure it doesn’t linger and fester, shredding him up over time from the inside.
The FBI victim support team has also made sure Peony and I have the resources to help us fully heal from the ordeal. We plan to make the most of it, since Garrett and I want to ensure nothing gets in the way of making what we have between us solid. Forever.
But most of all, he and I agreed to talk whenever doubts about us sneak in. We won’t let fear drive us apart.
He also told me Athena was never interested in him in the way I’d thought she might be.
I’ll admit I never saw it coming that she’s gay and Kenda was bisexual.
My heart aches for Athena because of everything she lost: Kenda—the love of her life—and being a mother to the little girl who would be her daughter if not for the cruel events that had unfolded.
Events that ultimately resulted in Garrett finding out he has a daughter.
Peony’s giggles come from the living room. My heart squeezes with a happy little thu-dum . I’ve missed her so much during the past week, even though we did frequently FaceTime.
Garrett and I walk into the living room. Athena, his mother, and Peony are on the floor, playing with her toys.
Peony looks up, and my favorite adorable grin bends on her mouth. “Daddy! Zawa!” She toddles to us and lifts her arms. “Up. Daddy. Up.”
Garrett scoops her up and hugs her. She throws her arms around his neck and strangle-hugs him, her smile not going anywhere.
And my eyes prick with tears. Happy tears. Everything’s-gonna-be-perfect tears.
Guilt tries to slither inside me, to coil in my stomach, to flatten my joy. But I don’t let it, like I promised Garrett I wouldn’t. I can’t reverse time or take back what happened. And he convinced me that between Athena and his mother, Peony would be fine while he was with me in New Orleans.
“Oh, God, Zara. I’m so glad you’re okay.” Joanne hugs me tightly. “I was so worried about you.” She looks at me with love in her eyes—the kind of love that says she’s ecstatic I’m dating her son.
She turns her head to Garrett. “The statue you ordered arrived this morning. Lucas put it by the front door.”
“Thanks.”
“Statue? Did you get one of those big Greek goddesses for your backyard?” A smile spreads across my face. I’m kidding about the statue. Well, mostly kidding.
“You’ll see.” The subtle nervous tension suddenly rising from him leaves me even more curious about the mysterious delivery.
I kiss Peony’s cheek, inhaling her sweet toddler scent. “I’ve missed you.”
She giggles and reaches toward Poppy and Doggy on the coffee table. I pick up the two stuffed toys and hand them to her. One of the FBI agents gave her the dog after we were rescued from the house. From what Garrett told me, she’s been inseparable from it.
“Have you heard from Kellan?” Worry lifts Joanne’s eyebrows and drops the curve of her mouth.
Garrett shakes his head, his expression a battle of emotions. Pain. Regret. Grief. “I texted him a few times, but he never got back to me.”
Another thing I learned while Garrett and I were talking and cuddling was that Kellan and Emily had started dating.
She’d failed to share that big news with me—much like I’d failed to share with her what Garrett and I were doing.
She’d joked about asking Kellan to help her find a boyfriend, and maybe then he would finally see what was in front of him. Is that what happened?
“All your father and I were able to find out is he left town. But no one knows where he went or when he’ll return. Troy got the impression it won’t be for some time.” Joanne sniffs, her eyes turning watery. “He finally let Emily in all the way, only to end up with a broken heart.”
Emily touched so many people over the years. We’ll be feeling the loss of her for some time. But the rest of us have each other to lean on, to help us get through the day without her bright light. Kellan has turned away from our support. Lord knows what that will do to him.
Athena looks toward the living room window, our conversation clearly making her uncomfortable. And sad.
Joanne sniffs again. “I’ll let you three get reacquainted.” She nods at Garrett, Peony, and me. “I’ll call you tomorrow, Garrett.”
“Thanks, Mom. For everything.” Garrett walks her to the front door, taking Peony with him.
Once they’re gone, I turn to Athena. “I’m so sorry for everything you went through. For what those men did to you.” I don’t have to elaborate on what I’m referring to. She knows.
“Thank you,” she says, her Texan accent no longer hidden.
“And I’m sorry you got caught up in it. I never suspected they were looking for me.
I thought it would be safe coming here.” Athena picks up Peony’s squirrel pillow, her shoulders slumped.
“Tilly and Queen E and the other girls? What will happen to them?”
“All charges and warrants against them have been dropped. The FBI is more interested in shutting down the sex trafficking rings than punishing the girls who were coerced to be part of them. But hopefully they will go hard on men like The Bear.” I put my hand on her arm, letting her know I don’t blame her for any of what happened.
I hurt for what she’s been through. For the situation she never asked for.
That none of the girls asked for. They all deserved a lot better than what life gave them. “They miss you. Tilly and Queen E. I told them you were happy. I hope that’s true. Or at least that you’re working toward being happy. Kenda would want that.”
The small smile Athena gives me grips my heart. I want so much for her to have happiness. For her smiles to be big and wide and genuine—and not only for Peony.
“I know you’ve never actually liked me,” I add, and a bright blush spreads up her neck and over her cheeks. “But I meant what I said before. I would like to be your friend, Athena.”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t like you. I was jealous.”
“Jealous?” That makes no sense at all.
“Because of Kenda.”
That makes less sense. Garrett told me Kenda and Athena were romantically involved, but what does that have to do with me?
Athena laughs. The sound is less amused and more self-deprecating. “Garrett didn’t tell you?”
“Er, tell me what exactly?”
We move to the couch, and I listen, stunned, as Athena tells me everything Garrett failed to mention while we were in New Orleans. Kenda’s crush on me. How Athena had been jealous of me because I was Kenda’s first love, and because I had photos of Kenda and she didn’t.
I don’t bring up the missing one I found under her bed, because I don’t want to admit to going into her room without her permission, but I get now why she had the photo.
And why she had removed Garrett and me from it.
She wanted the photo of her love. She didn’t need us in it—so she simply removed us.
The more Athena tells me, the more things fall into place from when Kenda and I had been close friends in college. I had been so clueless—much like Garrett had been clueless about how I’d felt toward him .
“Kenda and I had a lot in common,” Athena explains. “We both came from abusive homes. Mine was more on the physical side. Her father was verbally abusive and very strict. That’s why her father doesn’t know about Peony. Kenda didn’t want him to have anything to do with her.”
Athena unfolds from the couch and walks to where a stray block lies forgotten in the corner of the room. “I could tell you and Garrett were close.” She bends and picks up the block. “Kenda told me you guys have been like that since you were kids.”
I stand, my body growing uncomfortable from sitting, and nod because it’s true.
“I was afraid…I was afraid if you fell in love and got married, I would no longer be needed, and I would lose Peony. I was so scared.” Her tone holds a fraying thread of jealousy her apologetic smile doesn’t have. “That’s why I put up a wall between us.”
“You’ll always be her family.” Garrett’s deep voice, thick with sincerity, startles us.
Athena and I look to where he’s standing at the entrance of the living room.
“You might not be her stepmother like you wanted, but you’re still her family. You’ll still be family to her even when she no longer needs a nanny.” He lowers Peony to the floor. She drops next to her toy xylophone and bangs haphazardly on it.
Garrett walks over to us and rests his hand on the lower curve of my spine. “Have you two finished talking?”
“We have.” I share a relieved glance with Athena. Now that I know where she’s coming from, we can reboot our relationship and send it in a new direction. “I hope this means we can finally be friends,” I tell her.
Her face lights up like the Rockefeller Christmas tree. “I’d like that. Thank you. Both of you, thank you.”
Garrett’s hand shifts from my back, and he threads his fingers with mine. “There’s something I want to show you,” he tells me.
“Okay?”
We walk down the hallway to the front door. While I was talking to Athena, he moved my shoes here from the laundry room .
He pulls on his sneakers, and I slip on the ones he bought me in New Orleans. He doesn’t tell me where we’re going, and I don’t ask.
Outside, he takes my hand and leads me to the spot on the driveway that causes me heartache. The spot where Emily died. My stomach twists and my palms slicken and my pulse whooshes loudly in my ears.
There’s no mark on the driveway where I last saw Emily—nothing to show this is the spot where my incredible friend took her last breath. A shipping box, three feet tall, stands in its place.
Garrett softly kisses me, and that’s all it takes to ease the rush of adrenaline. To make it easier to breathe.
“I hope it’s all right with you…I wanted to create a memorial for Em.” The deep bass of his voice is heavy with unspoken questions. Questions that leave me curious about what’s in the box.
He opens it and lifts out a stone angel statue in prayer. Long hair cascades over slim shoulders and intricately carved wings. She’s serenely, stunningly, heartbreakingly beautiful.
“She’s perfect,” I whisper past the hot grief wedged in my throat. “Emily would’ve loved it.” If she could see it from heaven, I know she would be smiling.
Garrett positions the angel among the purple asters in the flower bed, next to where Emily’s life was tragically stolen.
He returns to my side and wraps me in a hug, pulling me to him, my back pressed to his chest. And I rest my head on his shoulder, absorbing the strength of this amazingly sweet man. My amazingly sweet and wonderful man.
The birds in the trees cheerfully chirp a tune Emily would approve of…and we say our silent, final goodbyes to our friend.