Chapter 2 #2
“Oh, yes,” she said lightly. “I’m very intelligent.
But I’m also curious and…well, I’m flying to Italy tomorrow, where I’ll probably spend the rest of my life.
What do you have to lose by telling me? We’ll never see each other again, unless you’re on vacation in Venice and really want to buy some glass art. ”
He narrowed his eyes, as if considering her words for a second.
Then he said, “She lied to me all the time. About ridiculous little things that shouldn’t have mattered…
but they mattered to me. Her ex wasn’t at the party.
No, she didn’t drink anything. The hotel I wanted was booked, so she chose another one.
Yes, she asked her parents if they wanted to come over, but they said no.
Things like that. And you know, I wouldn’t have cared if she partied with her ex, if she drank, or if she preferred to stay in another hotel.
But I knew she…she lied because she didn’t want to argue or explain herself or even just talk to me.
Because she wanted it to be simple, not difficult. And that makes me so angry.”
She nodded because she understood. How could you trust your partner if they weren’t honest? “So, what was the lie that broke the camel’s back?”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why do you think there is one?”
“Because you talked about the middle, but not the end. Maybe because the end is too uncomfortable for you.”
Sighing, he rubbed his face. “I don’t want to blame her, you know. I’m no saint. My schedule is a nightmare. I should have tried harder, but…”
“But?”
He sighed. “We had an argument that ended with her screaming in my face that she lied to me when we first met. We talked about if we wanted children, and she said yes because she knew it was important to me. But she hates children and would never subject her body to pregnancy.”
Lilly stared at him, her mouth open. “Oh.”
“She knew I’d always wanted a family…”
“You do?” she asked, perplexed.
He tilted his head. “Yeah. What’s weird about that?”
“Well, we’re still so young and very few people think about families.”
“I do,” he replied calmly. “And she lied to me back then to get me to stay with her. That was the last straw. Shit, she even admitted she only said it so I wouldn’t leave her. How fucked up is that?”
“And she…knew?” she asked skeptically. “That you would have broken up if she had told you she didn’t want kids? I mean, how old are you? Twenty-five or something? You have your whole life ahead of you. I mean…”
“Do you know if you want kids?” he interrupted.
“Well, yeah, I do. I want kids someday…”
“Okay, so the man you want to spend the rest of your life with tells you he doesn’t want them. Ever. Will you stay with him?”
She sighed, her shoulders sagging. “No. It would probably be a deal breaker for me,” she admitted.
“Exactly. Then why can’t it be a deal breaker for me as a man?”
“It can.” She placed her cool hands on her hot cheeks. “I’m sorry. Of course it can. So it was just the kid thing?”
“No. It was everything.” He scratched the back of his neck. “It hadn’t been working for a while, but…I think I just didn’t want to be single, so I ignored it. But I couldn’t sweep that last bit under the rug, so I ended it.”
Her heart fluttered nervously in her chest. She’d never met a man who…knew so clearly what he wanted and was so honest about his flaws and shortcomings. It made sense that the truth was perhaps even more important to him in this case than in any other.
“Do you regret breaking up?” she asked gently.
“No. It was the right decision. But…” His eyes met hers. “I’m scared of being alone. It’s silly. I’m an adult, but I’ve been with her since my parents died, and…I thought their deaths had taught me what it feels like to be alone. Now I’m scared of finding out that I had no idea.”
Everything in her chest tightened and tears stung her eyes. “I’m sorry you lost your parents. So incredibly sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was five years ago when I was nineteen.”
“Five years is nothing when it comes to things like that,” she whispered, her voice husky.
He sighed. “No, you’re right. But it feels like I should be okay by now.”
“Who decides that?”
“Mostly the internet, I think?”
Surprised, she laughed. “The internet shouldn’t tell you how to feel. If it helps…I think we’re all afraid of being alone.”
“Yeah, you think so?”
She nodded. “I’m literally terrified of it,” she murmured.
“You know, I’m good at imagining my future, but bad at dealing with the present.
I could be completely alone in Italy. I barely speak the language and I don’t know anyone there.
My parents say I’m making a mistake. What if they’re right?
What if I take on too much and become so lonely that I drop everything and come back?
What if I ruin my life’s dream simply because I can't stand to be alone? I only have one real, genuine friend here; the rest are casual acquaintances. I’m not good at maintaining friendships because I constantly lose myself in my art, mess up dates, and tend to live in a dream world rather than reality.
But do you know why it doesn’t matter if we’re both afraid of being alone? ”
“Why?”
“Because you might be unhappy without your ex, and I might be unhappy in Italy — but you were certainly unhappy with your ex, and I’m certainly unhappy here. So, we can’t let fear win, right? If we’re unhappy, we have to do something.”
He took a long, deep breath and nodded. “I sometimes feel like you only realize how unhappy you were when you’re not anymore,” he murmured. “So…thank you.”
“For what?” she asked, surprised.
He smiled. “For realizing how unhappy I was and that not every difficult conversation has to be truly difficult.”
A tingling sensation began deep in her stomach, and her cheeks flushed. “No, thank you for telling me,” she whispered, lowering her gaze. “That’s much braver than listening.”
They were silent for a while, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Instead, she felt strangely comfortable in his…in… Lilly snorted loudly.
“What’s so funny?”
Laughing, she looked up. “We just had what was possibly the most intimate conversation I’ve ever had, and I don’t even know your name!”
He returned the smile, and this time, it spread across his entire face.
A dimple appeared on his right cheek, and his green eyes shone brighter…
and for a second, Lilly forgot to breathe.
Looking at him felt like contemplating a finished work of art.
Like melting crude glass, adding color to it, shaping it, and turning it into something delicate and completely different.
The person opposite her was attractive when he looked serious, but beautiful when he smiled. Absolutely transformed.
God, how could there be a single woman on this earth who didn’t want children with this guy?
“I’m Fox,” the DNA miracle said, stretching out his hand.
She blinked. “Your name is Fox? Were your parents hunters?”
He chuckled softly and winced. “Sorry, occupational hazard. Fox is my last name. Nobody calls me by my first name.”
“I guess I don’t want to be nobody,” she whispered.
His gaze slid slowly over her face. “Then, my name is Austin.”
She smiled. “Austin,” she repeated, the name tasting sweet on her tongue. “That’s better than Tabasco Boy. I’m Adams. But honestly, my friends just call me Lilly, not by my last name.”
She took his hand and had to remind herself to breathe.
But his hand was so big and warm…and even rougher than hers.
Which she had never come across before! Maybe that was why goosebumps scurried down her arm.
Maybe that was why it felt like tiny lightning bolts were dancing across her skin, giving her excited heart an even bigger jolt of energy.
But maybe…just maybe, there was a completely different reason. A reason that made her almost sad because after tonight, she’d never see Austin Fox again.
Austin cleared his throat and let go of her. “So. You want to sell glass art in Venice…Lilly?”
She swallowed. Hearing her name from his lips felt like he was stroking her neck with his long, slender fingers.
But she pulled herself together and nodded.
“I want to make glass art more than anything. If I didn’t have to sell it to make money, I’d just lock myself in a workshop for weeks, slowly but surely dehydrating in front of my furnace. ”
God, his smile was adorable. “So you’re obsessed with your art?”
“No, no, obsessed is an understatement. No exorcist in the world could free me.”
He chuckled softly. “I understand that feeling well.”
Why? she wanted to ask. What was his passion? What did he dream of? But he continued before she could extract every detail that made him the person he was.
“Why glass?”
Just that question could surely make her forget her own. Her whole skin began to tingle. Daisy always claimed she looked like she’d just eaten a delicious radioactive cookie when she talked about her work and her favorite medium.