Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Austin broke his own rule and got drunk.
Okay, that wasn’t true.
He’d planned to, but after one vodka shot, he grew scared that Lilly might still call to talk to him and he’d be too drunk to explain to her in coherent sentences that she and Delfina were the best things that had ever happened to him and that the whole lawyer thing was just a stupid misunderstanding.
God, even in utter despair, he was still too sensible to get wasted.
It was so incredibly frustrating. Maybe Leon was right and he really was a party pooper.
He didn’t know how the evening had escalated so drastically.
He regretted calling Lilly a liar and telling her that he loved her in the same breath.
That hadn’t been quite as romantic as he’d imagined, even if it was the truth.
The next morning, he actually woke up to a message from Lilly on his voicemail — where, in a matter-of-fact, detached tone, she confirmed that he could pick up Delfina from school the next day, Monday, and spend the evening with her. If Del wanted, she could also sleep over; he’d have to ask her.
He hated the cold undertone in her voice, but he hated it even more when Del asked him in the car the following afternoon if he was mad at her mom.
“I’m not mad, Del.”
“But you two were yelling.”
“I know. I’m incredibly sorry. We were just having a disagreement.”
“But not a bad one?” she asked, concerned. “I don’t like it when you two argue.”
“We… We’ll talk and sort it out,” he mumbled. But the fact that he didn’t know if he was lying scared him more than the phrase Del’s in trouble.
Lilly didn’t stop him from seeing Delfina, but she made sure she didn’t have to see him when he came to pick her up. He’d known Lilly wouldn’t punish him by keeping his daughter from him. She never would. But her avoiding him was almost as bad.
She ignored his calls, his texts went unread…and he missed her so much that on lonely nights, the thought that Lilly might never forgive him took his breath away.
He’d almost certainly lied to her when he’d claimed it was lust at first sight.
It was love.
It had always been love.
He’d just fought so hard against those emotions for the past ten years that it had taken him a while to recognize them.
But shit, he loved everything about Lilly: her enthusiasm for glass.
Her patience with Lilly. Her dry wit. Her heart, the size of the Ritz-Carlton.
Her compassion, her laughter, and the unintelligible words she muttered in her sleep.
His mind was filled with Lilly, and there was no room for anything else.
“Man, didn’t you see the boards, or why did you crash into them like that?” Leon asked incredulously.
Austin rubbed his side and made a face. Currently, his ice skating skills were about on par with Lilly's roller skating abilities. “I was distracted.”
“Too distracted to skate straight?” he snapped. “If you keep going like this, you’re going to hurt yourself!”
Austin smiled grimly. “Worried about me, Leon? Is that consistent with your image?”
“We’re all worried about you,” Jack West shouted from across the rink. “If you’re not in your right mind, people come to me with their problems — I don’t like that at all!”
Austin snorted and looked around. His entire team was staring at him uncertainly. “Does anyone else think I’m not in my right mind right now?” he asked sharply.
Every single hand went up, even the coach.
God, the team had never been so united!
“Well, thanks a lot!” he growled.
“Listen,” Leon said, scratching the back of his neck. “Can’t you just forgive her?”
Austin’s head whipped around. “Sorry? Forgive who?”
“Well, Lilly. We know you’re upset with her! I have no idea what she did, but…”
“She didn’t do a damn thing!” he snapped. The idea that everyone thought Lilly was to blame for the situation was seriously pissing him off. “If anyone here gives her any lip, you’ve got a fucking problem with me. She did everything right. I was the idiot.”
Why the hell hadn’t he told the lawyer to stop searching? Why hadn’t he told Lilly about Christine sooner? Why had he called her a liar?
She wasn’t. Fuck, if she said she’d sent letters, then she’d sent letters.
No matter what Christine or anyone else said.
During their stupid argument, he’d let himself get caught up in how hard it was for him to trust others again.
He’d taken a step backward in everything he’d learned and felt with Lilly over the past few months.
He’d had a weak, insecure moment… But if there was anyone he believed had never meant him any harm, it was Lilly.
She had given him nothing but trust, and he had blown it.
Leon’s eyes widened. “You were the idiot? Can’t you just apologize and be done with it?”
“Leon, how many relationships have you been in?” he asked sharply.
“None,” he replied proudly.
“Well, hell, then stop giving me advice!”
“Well, that’s not entirely fair,” Dax remarked, skating over to them. “I’m in a relationship — and apologizing generally helps.”
“She won’t talk to me! How am I supposed to apologize?”
Dax frowned. “There has to be some kind of solution…”
“Hey, Fox!” a woman’s voice called from the side, and he looked up.
“Great, while you sort out my life,” he said darkly, “I’ll speak to Hazel.”
Leon and Dax put their heads together and ignored him as he skated to the edge of the rink and looked expectantly at his agent.
Hazel waved in Gray’s direction, signaling him to get lost, and the coach just rolled his eyes and pointed his finger at her.
“Get him back to normal. The whole team is unfocused when he’s unfocused!”
Austin pressed his lips together. They were all giving him too much damn responsibility. He couldn’t even make sure he was happy, so how was he supposed to support an entire team?
“Hey,” Hazel said, her eyes sliding worriedly over his face. “You look terrible.”
No wonder. He’d barely slept for the last five nights. “Your pep talks used to be better.”
She sighed and nervously ran a hand through her hair before muttering, “I don’t think there’s a good way to tell you, and maybe it’s irrelevant, but Gareth says he’d want to know if he were you, and unfortunately, the guy’s right quite often, so…” She took a deep breath. “I found them, Fox.”
He looked at her, uncomprehending. “You found what?”
“Lilly’s letters. And her emails.”
Ice ran through his veins. “What?” he asked hollowly.
She narrowed her eyes. “Remember when you left your old agent and signed with me? He was obligated to give me access to your emails and your mail and everything… and yesterday, I had a sudden inspiration. He was so furious about your move to me back then that he contemptuously told me to have fun protecting you from all those crazy fans and con artists trying to swindle you out of your money in the form of child support.” She bit her inner cheek.
“He was right. You received a lot of emails and letters from women claiming they were pregnant with your child because you’d gotten them drunk. ”
He frowned. “I know. You always forward all the messages to me.”
“Yes. But…your old agent didn’t. He trashed them or set them aside in case one of them came forward with a paternity test.” She swallowed audibly.
“He probably never considered that there might be some truth to the claims, since you were married and a model player who never had any sex scandals. So it was easy to dismiss them all as fake, and he…he didn’t want to bother you.
Anyway, Lilly’s messages were among them.
I don’t have the letters; he threw them away, but I was able to find the emails.
I’m sorry, Fox. But…they’re here.” She handed him her cell phone.
“Lilly really tried. There were four emails, two of them with pictures. I don’t know how many letters there were, but… ”
He stopped listening to her. He picked up the phone and stared at the open email.
Dear Austin,
It’s incredibly hard for me to write this message, but it wouldn’t be fair not to.
I don’t think there’s a good way to say it, so…
surprise: I’m pregnant. I have no idea how it happened, but it did, and I want to keep the baby.
I don’t want any money from you. I don’t want to complicate your life.
I don’t want to strain your marriage. I just wanted you to know.
I’ll leave it up to you if you want to be a part of the child’s life.
Take your time to think about it. Below, I’ve included my email address, my phone number (including the landline number at my Italian address), my home address, and my parents’ address.
Call, text…just get in touch. You know, I’d like to hate you for lying to me and just disappearing without a word.
But I can’t regret that night. I tried, but I felt it was something… unique.
I think this baby will be unique too.
All my love
Lilly
Austin stared at the lines, tears welling up in his eyes. He read the email again and again, finding Lilly in every line…until he slowly sank onto the ice and pressed his fists against his burning eyes.
She hadn’t lied. She had never lied.
He was the asshole who hadn’t believed her.
He should have trusted her. He knew her; of course she’d told him.
She’d given him every possible way to contact her and must have hated him for years for simply ignoring her…
but when he’d told her he hadn’t received the messages, she’d believed him immediately, while he’d simply been incapable of imagining that she was any different than Christine.
“Fuck,” he whispered.
He’d messed it up. He’d ruined it. Simply because he couldn’t help himself.
“Austin,” Hazel whispered. “It’s okay. She never lied, you can forgive her…”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Hazel! Lilly did everything right.
Why the hell does everyone think she’s the problem?
She’s mad at me! She talked to the lawyer you hired for me.
She thinks I wanted to take Delfina away from her.
And, shit, yeah, I thought about it the first day, but then never again!
But she can’t know that, and God, if I’d been in her shoes and answered that call…
shit, I’d never believe a word I said again! ”
“Oh,” Hazel said softly.
Yeah, oh.
God, how the hell was he going to make it up to her?