65. Troy
October, Present Day
Maple Ridge
Jess’s faceis so pale against the hospital pillow, if it weren’t for the steady beeping of the ICU monitors, I would think she was dead.
I tighten my hold on her hand, as if that’s all it will take to keep her from departing this world. I haven’t left her side since I was finally allowed to see her this morning. Her eyes are closed, partly due to the swelling on one side of her face where the bastards repeatedly hit her.
Every part of her body is bruised or bandaged or both. Samuel told me she’d been beaten with what could have been a belt. She’s got a long recovery ahead of her.
I can’t believe I almost lost her.
Noah enters the room in uniform. He was the one who called me yesterday to tell me Jess had been found—two days after I learned she was missing.
“How is she doing?” Noah asks, his voice just above a whisper.
“It was touch and go for a bit.” The words stick in my throat like burrs. “But she’s been upgraded to stable.”
I almost lost her twice yesterday. When she coded in the ambulance and during surgery when her body gave out on her. I haven’t been this terrified since finding out Colton had tried to end his life and the hospital was attempting to resuscitate him.
“Has she woken up yet?”
“No. Not yet. Any news about why the two men kidnapped her?”
“I can’t tell you much right now. The Feds have been investigating the case after new evidence came to light a few days before Jess went missing. But I did learn that Scott Moore—the man who shot Jess and killed her brother-in-law—had been part of the homicide unit investigating her husband’s murder. New evidence revealed he’d tampered with the police evidence collected from the murder scene, with the goal to frame Jess.”
“Jesus,” I mutter.
The steady beeping of the medical equipment is the only sound in the room for a long moment. Exhaustion weighs down my shoulders, dulls my ability to talk.
“She told me to tell you she loves you,” Noah says, looking at Jess. “I was also supposed to tell you she would have loved to have had a family with you.”
I should be happy to hear this, but instead, sadness and bitterness twist together inside me. “When did she tell you that?” When she thought she was dying? When she thought she wouldn’t have to say it to my face and finally admit her feelings? I shake my head, the movement barely registering.
“Shortly after we found her.” Noah clasps my shoulder in a gesture of support. “Keep me updated on her condition, would you?”
I go back to watching the steady rise and fall of Jess’s chest. “Will do.” I know he’s asking as a friend and not as a cop. As difficult as it has been for Jess to trust the police, she has let Noah in. They’ve become friends.
Who knows what it all means, though, for her opinion about cops in general. Two SDPD officers tortured her, but the Maple Ridge police department saved her life.
Noah’s soles squeak on the hospital floor as he turns to leave.
“Thank you. Thank you for being there for her and finding her.” It had killed me not to be the one who went looking for her, but Noah was right to tell me to stand down when all I wanted to do was tear Maple Ridge apart, searching for her. They only located her when a state trooper saw the car, which matched the description of a vehicle seen parked near her house, heading into the mountains. I want to make sure Scott Moore spends the rest of his life locked away for what he did to Jess. That might not have been possible if my brothers and I had tried to do Noah’s job.
“You’re welcome.”
This time I do let Noah leave.
The day of the festival, as I drove Nolan, Jared, and Mason to their tour bus, Nolan told me the emotional scars his abusive father left him with had really screwed him up, but Nolan’s girlfriend never gave up on him. And now they’re happily married. Jess might have left me twice, and nearly broke me into pieces each time, but I can’t walk away from her anymore. Being with her is worth the risk.
I stand and kiss the side of her face not covered in bandages. “I love you, Jess. Keep fighting for me. I’m not going anywhere.”
* * *
The next morning,Jess remains unconscious. Her condition improved slightly overnight. The swelling on her face is starting to go down, but the bruises are still a stark contrast to her pale skin.
Shit, when I think of all the ways I failed her…like I failed Colton…
I rub my hand over my face. “I’m so sorry, Jess. I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you.” I gently tap the back of her hand. Tap-tap. Tap-taaap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-taaap.
A movement in the doorway catches in my periphery. Mom is standing there, her lips pressed in a sad smile. Or a smile that barely hides her disappointment.
My finger stops tapping.
Mom and I haven’t talked about Jess or my feelings for her since the day of the barbecue, when Mom made Jess feel unwelcome. I’ve seen her at least once a week, but we haven’t talked about Jess or about Mom’s behavior that day. I’ve tried not to hold what happened against her. There doesn’t seem to be much point given that Jess and I are no longer together.
I know Mom loves me and was being overly protective. She’s my mother. I love her and I won’t turn my back on her. She put up with my sorry ass when I was a know-it-all teen.
I just want her to love Jess like I do.
Mom steps into the hospital room. “How’s she doing?” Her voice is low, barely louder than the beeping machines.
“Stable but still unconscious.”
“Is she going to be okay?”
I lift my shoulders in a slow, weighted shrug. “Hopefully. Eventually. She’s been through a lot. It’s gonna take time.” My attention returns to Jess, but I can feel Mom’s eyes remain on me, watching, evaluating, assessing.
“You look exhausted,” she says after a beat. “Have you gotten any sleep since you found out she was missing?”
“I’ll sleep soon enough.” I went home last night after the ICU nurses shooed me out, but I didn’t sleep much. I grabbed a quick bite and a shower before heading back here.
I push out of the chair, and Mom hugs me. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until now.
Her gaze drops to Jess for a second and returns to me. “I’m worried about you, sweetheart. You’ve been spreading yourself too thin for a while now. Putting too many demands on yourself.”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“You overloaded yourself with the festival, Wilderness Warriors, your company, volunteering at the Veterans Center, working out,” she continues as if I hadn’t just said I was fine.
“The festival is over, so you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
“Until you pick up something else to bury yourself under.” Mom crosses her arms in front of her, her tone implying she thinks I’m being stubborn. “You’re running from something, Troy. Maybe it’s time you stop running before it’s too late and you break.”
I huff out an exasperated breath. “I’m fine, Mom.”
She shakes her head, a silent tutting accompanying the movement. “You haven’t been fine since Colton ended his life. What happened wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself. I can guarantee this isn’t how Colton would want you to live.”
“You don’t know that.” As soon as the rashly-spoken words are out, I want to yank them back. She’s right. This isn’t how Colton would want me to live. He would want me to hike the toughest trail. Have fun. Enjoy life. It’s what I would expect of him if our places were reversed.
But that’s easier said than done. Guilt is ingrained in my bones and swims through my veins. I can’t let it go like it’s nothing more than a leaf floating on a wave.
“I do know that’s not what he would want. And so do you.” Mom looks at Jess, compassion in her eyes. “I can’t believe everything she has survived through. She’s a real fighter. And I don’t mean that in a negative way.”
“She is.” I pick up Jess’s hand again and resume gently tapping ILU.
“I’m sorry I misjudged her and listened to what other people were saying.”
“It’s not me you need to apologize to,” I remind Mom.
“I know. And I plan to apologize to her once she’s conscious.” A tiny smile eases onto Mom’s face. “I know you two broke up a month ago—Simone told me—and I hope I didn’t have anything to do with that. Either way, I hope you’re planning to fight for her.”
“I am.” That’s assuming Jess lets me back in her life after I walked away because of my bruised and dented pride.
“And while you’re fighting for her, make sure you’re fighting for yourself.” Mom’s smile widens a small amount, sad like earlier but a little less so this time. “Why don’t you take a break, and I’ll sit with her for a bit.”
“It’s okay. I’m?—”
“Don’t even finish what you were going to say, young man.” Her tone is unbending, but there’s no missing the thread of amusement in it. “You’re not fine. Now go! Take a shower. Eat a meal. Go for a walk outside, for crying out loud. I’ll text you if there’s any change in her condition.” She gives me one of those mothering looks I learned as a kid to not brush off. It’s her I’m-right-and-you-know-it expression, complete with a raised eyebrow.
A low laugh rumbles deep in my chest. “Alright. You win. I won’t be long.”