Chapter 13 #5
“It’s all lies! Jace can change his name a hundred times, he can build a whole new family, surround himself with people willing to play along, and look me dead in my face pretending we’ve never met…
but I know my man! I know what y’all trying to do!
Just because everybody keeps calling him Merge, y’all think that I’m eventually going to forget who he really is?
! Like if y’all repeat the lie enough times, it’ll become the truth? !”
A bitter laugh escaped me.
“It won’t!”
“Haelyn, Merge is not—” she began, but I cut her off, my voice rising in a sudden storm of emotion.
“Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!” I screamed, the words tearing from my throat as I pressed my hands to my ears, desperate to muffle the sound of her voice, which felt like a jagged knife scraping against my skull.
I jabbed a finger toward her.
“People disappear and become somebody else every day! They change their names, their clothes, their voices, even the way they carry themselves. But they can’t change what’s underneath!”
My chest heaved as I began pacing.
“I know his eyes! I know his energy! I know the way he looks at me when Jace slips through before Merge can catch him and put the mask back on!”
“Haelyn—”
“I said shut the fuck up!”
I clutched both sides of my head as the voices began shouting their agreement.
She’s lying!
She wants you to doubt him!
She’s part of it!
“Answer this,” I said. “Did you see his body? His obituary? Did you go to the funeral? Maybe somebody stood there crying and told you it was him?”
Talia’s lips parted, but she didn’t answer fast enough.
“Exactly!” A sharp laugh escaped me. “You never saw him dead! You heard he was dead, and like everybody else, including myself, you believed what you were told!”
Swiftly, my fury dissipated.
I lowered my hands and pressed one against my chest, smiling as if I hadn’t been screaming seconds earlier.
“But I felt him,” I muttered softly. “The second I saw the photo, I knew it was him. Souls don’t lie, Talia, people do.”
Talia stared at me speechlessly, like her brain still hadn’t fully caught up to how quickly I’d gone from calm… to chaos… then right back calm again.
I hated how quickly my mind could turn on me sometimes.
One minute everything would feel clear and normal, and the next, it was like something invisible shifted in the room.
Sounds felt sharper, people’s faces started looking suspicious, and thoughts stopped feeling fully mine.
And once that feeling started creeping in, it spread fast. Calm could turn into paranoia or anger so quickly it honestly scared me sometimes.
“I’m so sorry for my outburst,” I apologized, a gentle tone wrapping around my words.
“I just get a little worked up sometimes when people try to tell me what’s real and what isn’t.
It makes me feel cornered… misunderstood.
But Jace is very much alive,” I continued dreamily.
“Maybe he’s just scared of how much he still loves me. ”
My smile widened.
“Yeah… that’s what it is.”
“Haelyn—”
I shot to my feet, clapped my hands over my ears, and shook my head.
“Nope! Whatever foolishness you’re about to say, save it!
Talia, feel however you wanna feel, but I’m not about to sit here going back and forth with you about my man.
I don’t wanna hear that Merge isn’t Jace, Jace isn’t Merge, or however the hell you keep trying to explain it!
I came here to feed you, not participate in some weird intervention!
Now eat! I have a pregnancy to glamorize and a man to make remember who the hell I am. ”
“You’re completely insane,” Talia muttered beneath her breath.
“What was that?” I cupped a hand around my ear. “I can’t hear you over all that food you’re supposed to be chewing.”
I heard her clearly. I just wanted to see if she was bold enough to repeat herself.
I lowered my hand from my ear and studied her suspiciously.
“You know what? Now that I think about it, you’re arguing this point a little too hard, like you fucked him and have been waiting for the perfect moment to clear your conscience.
So, go ahead and say yes. Don’t be shy now.
Save us both some time, because I can skip the rest of this conversation and kill you immediately. ”
Talia glared at me for a second before dropping her gaze and quietly resuming her meal.
I snickered. “Good girl. See how peaceful life becomes when you mind your business and stop challenging other people’s relationships?”
Talia grumbled something smart-aleck, but I ignored it.
Yeah… I may just have to take her out of her misery and kill her ass.
The thought slid through my mind so calmly it almost scared me.
The second Talia mentioned jail and psych wards, panic started clawing at my chest again.
I can’t go back to that place.
I refuse.
And jail?
Please.
That place definitely isn’t built for a girl like me.
I wasn’t bougie, but I was pretty, and crazy, which honestly felt like the worst possible prison combination. I probably wouldn’t survive the first day before somebody tried to fight me, flirt with me, braid my hair against my will, or “turn me out” spiritually.
Absolutely not.