15. Chapter 15 #2
Ceth sat back in her chair and released a shaky sigh, which prompted Krystal to study her face even closer. Her tone grew gentler. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I was only curious, about Roan especially. I-I’ve missed him.”
Bittersweet pressure seized Ceth’s chest at those words. “I think he’s missed you too honestly.” She drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t mind talking about it. And I appreciate you asking.”
Ceth picked up her glass of iced tea and sipped it to buy time as she gathered her thoughts before setting it down again.
“Roan is doing well. He doesn’t have as many appointments as he used to.
And he still likes going to the movies and playing his video games.
He even has a part-time job at a hobby store not far from my mom’s place. ”
A soft smile formed on Krystal’s lips. “I’ll bet he likes that.”
“He does. It gives him structure, and he loves the remote-controlled cars.” Ceth took another drink before pressing on. “My dad has actually stepped up to look after Roan more consistently now. I think he just needed time to make peace with…how everything turned out.”
Krystal’s hand flew to Ceth’s on the table, and she gave it a firm squeeze. “That’s wonderful!” Then she reined in her smile. “And your mom?”
Ceth bit her lip. “One day, I finally got them both together in the same room to have a real talk. I told them that I would always be there for my brother and I’d never stop owning my part in what happened, but I couldn’t be expected to keep carrying so much of the responsibility.
That I wasn’t going to feel guilty for having my own life. ”
Their hands were still connected, Ceth realized, when Krystal pressed it again. “Good for you. I can’t imagine how much work you must have done to get to the point where you could say that.”
A lump formed in Ceth’s throat. Krystal was one of the few people who knew enough of Ceth’s story to understand why saying those words to her parents had taken so much work. It made her feel seen in a way she hadn’t in so very long.
“Thank you,” was all Ceth could manage, even though it felt inadequate. Krystal beamed in return.
A rustle of applause across the dining room interrupted the moment, and Ceth turned toward the stage. Casey tipped his hat from behind the microphone. “Thank you, folks! Y’all are the best. We’re gonna take a short break for a few minutes, and then we’ll be back.”
Krystal’s focus was now on the band. She had slid to the edge of her seat as she watched the musicians put down their instruments and gather offstage to chat. The interest and curiosity practically vibrated off her. It was cute.
“Why don’t you go have a chat with them?” Ceth asked.
Krystal’s attention snapped back to Ceth, and she sat back in her seat. “Oh, I don’t need to do that. We were in the middle of a conversation!”
Ceth smiled. “I don’t mind, really. I can tell you’re invested.”
“Maybe, but what’s the point, really? It’s not like I even work in music anymore.”
“Krystal, as best I can tell, music is still one of your passions. You don’t need to be doing it as a career or even a hobby to justify being interested and wanting to chat about it. You can love and enjoy music for music’s sake now.”
Krystal’s eyebrows knit in deep thought. “You know what? You’re right.” She folded her napkin and set it on the table. “Okay, just for a minute. I don’t want to abandon you. Plus, I don’t want to disrupt their break.”
She stood while she was talking. “I’ll be back soon.”
Ceth watched with amusement as Krystal approached Casey and the other band members a bit shyly at first but then began talking quickly and gesturing excitedly. The musicians seemed to respond just as eagerly, inevitably drawn in by the energy Krystal radiated.
Watching made something inside Ceth’s chest feel settled and at peace in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time.
That feeling had been spreading all evening while Krystal had asked and listened about Ceth’s family.
She had been so kind and understanding about the whole situation even from the beginning.
Around the time when they had both been getting ready to visit their families the first December they’d been living together, Ceth had alluded to appointments and other things she would need to take care of for Roan while on break.
“It doesn’t sound like you’re going to have much down time over the holidays,” Krystal had observed in a glum tone.
Ceth had shrugged it off. “It’s no big deal. That’s how we arranged things in college too. Whenever I had time over the holidays or summer, I’d help out with Roan.”
Krystal frowned. “That’s really nice of you, and I understand it’s important to help family, but it seems like you get a lot of that responsibility put on you. It’s not just on breaks. I hear how many times your mom calls wanting you to handle something for her or be a go-between with your dad.”
When Ceth didn’t answer right away, mostly due to the discomfort churning away in her stomach, Krystal continued.
“I know it’s none of my business. But I can’t help notice and feel like it’s sort of unfair for you to be expected to do so much when you have your own life with classes and work and everything. ”
The sweetness of Krystal’s concern and her obvious respect for Ceth’s supposed dutiful care for her family filled Ceth with a throbbing ache like a tooth that needed extracting.
Before Krystal could say anything else, Ceth blurted out, “I have to help with Roan because it’s my fault he needs the care in the first place! ”
At first, Krystal only stared at Ceth in stunned silence, but then her face softened and she sat down at the apartment’s tiny kitchen table before pushing out the other chair with her foot for Ceth to sit in. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
And, surprisingly, Ceth did. She told more of the story than she’d ever thought she’d tell anyone. Maybe more than she should have.
She delved deeper into growing up always looking and feeling different from her parents.
She talked about those first several years when she was an only child.
When she was the sole focus of her academic parents’ probing focus.
They’d often tell her about her Native American heritage in an abstract sense.
Talking of history, speculating on her tribal identity, reminding her she was different but with no tangible efforts to connect her to her culture.
With all that, it was honestly a relief when Roan came along.
Her parents had transferred most of their attention to him, especially when it became apparent he was something of a prodigy, picking up advanced reading and math skills at a young age.
Her parents were thrilled. They tutored him, tested him, allowed reporters to interview him, and signed him up for televised spelling bees and quiz shows by the time he was eight or nine.
The whole family revolved around the boy’s talent.
Ceth did her part too, while still taking advantage of the freedom that came from being largely ignored by the adults in her life.
Yet sometimes, she’d worry about Roan. His abilities and the way his parents latched onto them left him very little time for a simple, fun childhood.
He often seemed way too anxious and stressed for his age.
Then one day, when Ceth was eighteen and Roan ten, she had been tasked with taking Roan to his music lesson.
Instead, she took him to meet her girlfriend at the time: Alli, a wild, carefree spirit who rode a motorcycle.
Alli offered Roan a ride on her bike. Ceth noted his nerves but also his clear excitement and curiosity, so she encouraged her brother to accept.
For a few glorious moments, Ceth got to see Roan whoop and squeal like any other little boy as he clutched on tightly to Alli’s back.
But seconds later…before Ceth could hardly process what was happening, something went wrong with the motorcycle and it crashed.
Even as she’d rushed to check on him, Ceth could tell Roan had hurt his head, the helmet they’d given him too bulky to offer much protection.
But it wasn’t until he was taken to the hospital that everyone realized how extensive the damage was.
He’d suffered a traumatic brain injury.
Months of surgery and therapy followed and, while Roan had recovered remarkably, the trauma had permanently impacted his cognitive abilities.