8. Jesse
JESSE
REID: Harlan says thanks for not making the horses upset
LAKE: You know Harlan is in this group chat
PEN: Yeah, but then Reid couldn’t point out again that there are cameras in the barn and he’s nosey
REID: I beg your finest pardon
PEN: …
WREN: …
REID: You all were thinking it, I just said it
BEAU: Jesse looked really *relaxed* when he came over to watch Cormack last night
WREN: You showered, right?
WREN: Also you would sleep with my employee
MERRICK: Technically he’s my employee
WREN: What’s yours is mine, baby
JESSE: Of course I showered—not that my sex life is anyone’s business
D ragging my hand down my face, I pray for patience. This family group chat used to be a lot more fun when I wasn’t the topic of conversation. Also, why does it have to be everyone?
REID: It’s cute you think that
LAKE: How long before Mom realizes you’re seeing someone?
JESSE: Never, as long as you fuckers don’t tell her
WREN: Aww but Adrian is so sweet
WREN: He’d totally be good for you
JESSE: I am good. Me. I don’t need a guy
JESSE: I don’t do relationships
MERRICK: Famous last words
WREN: Excuse the fuck out of you
BEAU: Wren, stop acting like you didn’t fall ass over teakettle for him
WREN: Reading too many nursery rhymes, big brother?
INDIE: He’s killing this sexy dad thing
REID: You know he’s related to basically all of us, right? That’s weird
INDIE: Y’all put me in this chat. You did this to yourselves
HARLAN: Someone else needed to suffer with me
LAKE: What about Pen? She married into the family
HARLAN: She doesn’t count—you guys had history
JESSE: Can we focus on the important part please? No one tells Mom
REID: I don’t think I want to make that promise
HARLAN: He’s not gonna tell her
REID: You’re not the boss of me
HARLAN: Wanna bet?
WREN: Someone’s feeling spicy
WREN: No one will tell Mom but don’t break his heart Jesse
JESSE: No hearts are involved
WREN: Just penises, yeah we got that
BEAU: Well on that note I’m going to go think about literally anything else…
REID: Nice catching up with everyone!