20. Jesse
JESSE
“ H ey,” Reid says as he stops in front of me, not that he has a choice considering I’m blocking his driver’s side door.
But it’s been three days.
My cousin hasn’t talked to me for three days. The shame of that statement had me hiding from Adrian too, leaving his messages unread on my phone.
Because I don’t deserve him—not right now.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, taking a tentative step with the basket of gourmet hot chocolate I put together—all his favorites—and a mug that says world’s best cousin. But I crossed out cousin and wrote brother.
Because that’s what he is to me.
“I know. I may have overreacted,” he concedes but I shake my head.
“I should never have said it. Harlan’s lucky to have you. We’re all so damn lucky to have you.”
“The mug is a little cheesy,” he teases, and I roll my lips inward to hide my smile.
“It is, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”
Taking the basket from my hands, he places it on the hood of the car and leans against the side next to me.
“It’s been almost a year, and I still wake up sometimes and wonder if this will be the day he realizes I’m too much,” Reid admits softly. “You caught me on one of those days.”
“I can assure you that’s not going to happen. He was about to rip my face off the second he saw me.”
Reid grins. “He’s hot when he’s all riled up, isn’t he?”
“Hot for you.” I nudge him with my elbow. “But seriously, he loves you and he’s willing to move mountains, burn bridges, and?—”
“You’re really on a roll tonight, aren’t you?”
“In my whole life, I can’t remember a time when we weren’t talking.” I swallow hard. “I didn’t know it could hurt like that.”
“Oh, you big softie,” Reid says, throwing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug. And I pretend I don’t see him wiping a tear away because my eyes are wet too. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Are you ready to talk about the other thing?” I don’t have to be a detective to know he means Adrian.
“No, you’re all I can handle tonight,” I tell him honestly.
“Okay, well, if you need me, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Reid.”
“Just make sure you don’t do it again. I can only protect you so many times from Harlan.”
“Noted.”
ADRIAN
JESSE: I’m sorry—Reid and I got into it and he wasn’t talking to me
ADRIAN: Is everything okay now?
JESSE: Yes
JESSE: I just need some time
ADRIAN: Okay…
JESSE: I’m just shit for company
ADRIAN: Are you going to get drunk in the field again?
JESSE: No
ADRIAN: Do you want me to come over there?
JESSE: No
I stare at the message and wait for the three little bubbles to appear, but nothing happens. Jesse hadn’t returned any of my texts in the last three days, and it was the first time since we started hooking up that it felt like an actual hookup.
His explanation didn’t make me feel better either—I’m good enough to fuck but not to help when he’s hurting?
Of course not; that’s not what we’re doing.
Letting my head fall back against the couch, I stare up at the ceiling. How long am I going to keep doing this?
I’d been worried about him and I’d only been an afterthought. I naively thought underneath all the we’re just friends bullshit with the hiking and pumpkins and bringing my favorite beer to a scenic overlook, that things were changing for us.
On the other hand, I know how much his family means to him. So maybe this one last time, I can be the bigger person and let it go.
ADRIAN: I’m glad that things with Reid are okay
JESSE: Me too. Thanks for being such a good friend.
Fuck.