Chapter 6
Six
Lainey
“Look at me!” Ollie says, and heart lurching, I open my mouth, take a step toward him…
And then just watch as Sawyer catches him as he leaps off a giant boulder in Luna’s back yard.
Okay, it’s less boulder than rock.
But still, my baby is only four and is launching himself off a rock.
My heart can’t handle this.
Can’t handle him growing up and being a big kid and…
Launching himself off freaking rocks!
He wriggles out of Sawyer’s grasp and runs for the rock again.
I open my mouth—
But it happens again before I can stop it.
Ollie jumps.
Sawyer catches.
And their soft laughter fills the air.
It quiets the edge of my panic, allows me to see clearly, to think.
To wonder if Leo’s been supplanted as Ollie’s favorite Grizzlies player.
“Kills, doesn’t it?”
I tear my eyes away from the sight of Ollie in Sawyer’s arms and their wide smiles, and turn to Veronica.
I don’t pretend to not know what she’s talking about.
Mostly because Alex and Ryan and Rip are kicking a soccer ball around the back yard.
And seriously, I love this California weather.
It’s cool but sunny, and though we’ve had some intermittent rain over the last few days, the mild winter means that the team’s holiday party has spilled outside so everyone can enjoy the sunshine.
“How do they get so big so fast?” I murmur.
“In the blink of an eye,” she murmurs back. Then sighs. “One second, Alex was a baby. The next, he’s…” She waves her hand. “A big kid.” Another sigh. “Time flies.”
“It sure does.”
We stand in silence, watching our boys for a few more minutes.
Then I catch a flash of movement behind Veronica and feel my lips curve up.
Luna and Smitty may be loud and proud, pushy and nosy, intense and a dash demanding.
But their hearts are the size of freaking jet engines.
Case in point?
The cake they’re carrying out.
It’s Christmas-time and the tables inside are laden with chocolate peanut butter cupcakes and sugar and oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip cookies and all sorts of pies.
We absolutely do not need a cake.
But we also do.
Because Veronica is now officially five years cancer free.
“V,” Luna calls and she turns, covers her face with her hands.
“You didn’t,” she whispers, lifting her head and attempting to glare at Luna and Smitty, who’s carrying the cake out.
But her eyes are glassy, and her expression is so freaking touched, I feel my own eyes tear up.
“You didn’t,” she says again.
“It’s five years, V!” Smitty says, stopping in front of her, holding the cake up. “Now make a wish and blow out your candles.”
“I don’t think people really do that just for cancer remission.”
“First, not just,” Luna says. “Second, they do in this family.” She loops her arm through Kailey’s. “Third, make a freaking wish.”
She pauses and looks at Luna for a long moment. Then at Smitty. At Kailey and Bri and Rip. At me and Leo and Harper, Aiden and Gray. At Faye and Ollie who’s once again in Sawyer’s arms. At…
Ryan.
Then Alex zips over to her side and throws his arms around her waist. “Make a wish, Mom!”
She exhales shakily.
Then closes her eyes, clearly making that wish.
A moment later, she’s blowing the candles out.
Cheers fill the air and Smitty disappears inside with Harper for cake cutting and plating.
But I’m watching Veronica as she wipes a finger under the corner of each eye.
And Ryan.
Who silently comes over and passes Veronica a tissue.
My heart spasms, but then Ollie is running over. “Want to watch me jump off the rock, Mom?”
Another spasm—for a completely different reason this time.
But I tuck away my Mom Fears and let Ollie tow me over to the rock. Sawyer doesn’t follow us. Instead, he disappears and I understand why a moment later as he starts carrying out trays of cookies and cupcakes.
I swear he hasn’t sat down—not even for a minute—tonight.
“Watch me, Mom!”
I turn in time to see Ollie launching himself at me and grunt as I lurch forward and catch him. “Wait for me next time, goofy goober, yeah?”
“Okay, Mom!”
But that sticks about as well as me telling him to go to bed the first time I ask because he’s climbing and leaping and…
Trusting me to catch him.
So I don’t chastise him.
I just watch and cheer on and…catch.
Then when he’s tired, I coax him over to the deck where mostly everyone is gathered around, eating cake and cookies and cupcakes.
“Hey, bud,” Sawyer says. “Want dessert?”
Ollie nods so fast he practically turns into a bobblehead.
Sawyer snags him his choice and then turns to me, “Chocolate peanut butter cupcake, right?”
Something twists inside me.
The last time he brought them I had three and a couple of Harper’s chocolate chip cookies.
“Yeah,” I say. “Thank you.”
He just nods and a moment later, I have a plate with a cupcake and a chocolate chip cookie on it in my hand.
I exhale silently as that piece inside me twists again.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
Another nod, this one paired with a smile that grows when Gray starts teasing Smitty about wombats and Leo chimes in with Canadian Geese facts (including the slightly shuddering-inducing fact that they can poop one to three pounds a day).
“It’s the beady eyes,” he says, chomping on a cupcake and nearly devouring the entire thing in just one bite. “But them pooping every fifteen minutes doesn’t help either.”
“Doesn’t seem to bother your appetite,” Ryan says dryly.
Sawyer looks at him, eyes widening slightly in concern, but Smitty just laughs and chucks the cupcake wrapper at him. “Rude.” He pats his belly. “I’m a growing boy.”
“It’s Kailey who spent the last few months growing something. Rightfully so,” Gray adds before Smitty gets all protective and grouchy.
“Damn right,” Luna chimes in. “And us baby-growing machines should keep all that growing”—she snatches a tray of cupcakes—“to ourselves.”
Protests (from the men) ring out all around.
Teasing and jeers follow.
And the cupcakes (and cookies and cake) get eaten—by both the men and women.
But, though Sawyer eats one of each, along with a slice of cake, he doesn’t sit down with the rest of us.
First, he’s refilling drinks. Then he’s taking dirty dishes and cups into the house, stopping to scoop up an errant napkin here or there. Then he’s drawn into a game with Alex and Ollie, Ryan and Rip and Bri, all of them battling it out in a makeshift soccer matchup.
Bri steals the ball from Rip and scores, whooping in victory.
“You just make it too easy,” she teases.
“Keep telling yourself that,” he says, stealing it back and streaking down the other way, the grin he shoots her decidedly more playful than anything I’ve seen from the quiet twenty-year-old rookie.
Eventually, the game wears down, and Alex and Ollie go inside to watch a movie on TV.
That’s when I expect Sawyer to join the adults in a beer or a glass of wine (for those drinking) on the deck, to sit around and joke and laugh and shoot the shit.
Only, instead of taking a load off, he answers a phone call, pacing back and forth on the lawn as he talks.
Hangs up.
Then joins us for approximately two minutes before he takes another.
And rinse and repeat until Alex comes out and tells me that Ollie fell asleep.
I smile.
My little guy trying his best to keep up with the big kids (and I include Smitty in that equation). “Thanks, Alex,” I say, ruffling his hair as I stand up, grab a few of the rogue dishes that Sawyer hasn’t gotten to yet. “I think that’s my cue,” I tell the others.
Luna, who’s nursing Reese, offers, “You could always stay the night if you’re too tired to drive home.”
“Thanks,” I say. “But I have a midnight writing binge session in my future.”
“Hot hockey players?” she asks hopefully.
I grin, counter, “Hot badass warriors.”
She claps her hands together. “I can’t wait.”
“Even if it’s not hockey players?” Veronica teases, her gaze not on me. Or Luna.
But on Alex…and on Ryan.
Faye catches my eye, winks at me, and when I lean in to kiss her cheek, whispers, “Don’t worry. The matchmakers have it in hand.”
“Vi?” I ask, mildly surprised. I can’t imagine Ryan or Veronica would hire Blue Line Matchmaking.
Dancing brown eyes. “She and Smitty have teamed up…off the books.”
“And me,” Luna interjects. “Me too.”
“You too what?” Veronica asks, tearing her gaze off Ryan and Alex.
“Luna wants to read my newest book early,” I say, saving everyone from an uncomfortable conversation…and Veronica from having to deny what she clearly feels.
I don’t know why she and Ryan have that weird push-pull, friends but both clearly wanting more thing going on. But I do know it’s not something she needs to confront tonight.
Even if Ryan comes over a moment later and tucks a mug into her hand. “You’re cold,” he says. “Drink this.”
“Ryan, you don’t have to—”
He just shoots her a look, hooks an arm around Alex’s shoulders, and points at the sky. “Want to check out the stars before you head home? I think I saw Pisces.”
“Really? Where?” He turns toward Veronica. “Can I, Mom?”
“Of course, honey.”
They run off…and her gaze lingers on them for a moment before she sighs softly.
“Goodnight, ladies,” I say quietly, leaning in to kiss her cheek and give her a quick hug, and then doing the same with the rest of the girls. That done, I head inside, rinsing and depositing the plates in the dishwasher.
But even as I go to scoop Ollie off the couch, Sawyer is there.
“I’ve got him,” he murmurs, carefully picking him up.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
We move outside in silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. Not exactly anyway. It’s almost as though my body knows it can relax, knows it’s safe. But it’s also hyperaware of his scent, his strength, the flecks of gold in his blue eyes.
Of his shoulder-length hair twisted up into a bun…
And I’m reminded of big, sword-wielding warriors with big, soft hearts.
It’s no wonder who’s inspired my newest hero.
Not that I’ll admit it—no freaking way.
I’ve already tap-danced right along that dangerous line, allowed the temptation to get the better of me.
The moment I think that, I feel an odd prickling on the back of my neck. Spinning around, I search the shadows for…something.
“You okay?” Sawyer asks.
I shake myself, realize he’s paused by my car with Ollie in his arms, that he’s clearly waiting for me to unlock the doors.
“Yeah,” I say quickly, hitting the button and tugging at the handle. “Sorry about that.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” His voice is quiet, and slightly muffled as he buckles Ollie into his seat. “Want to check?” he asks, maneuvering himself out of the opening.
I move in, tug slightly at the straps.
But he’s done it perfectly.
And I wonder what else Sawyer’s done perfectly.
Homemade stuffing? The cupcakes and games and cleaning up?
The three orgasms in thirty minutes that I keep dreaming of night after night?
More?
And…what does it cost him to be so perfect?
He hesitates for a moment then his phone buzzes and he glances at the screen, something tense intruding on the edges of his smile.
“I’ll see you soon?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah,” I whisper back, wanting to take his hand for some reason.
Wanting to lean close and brush away the tension bracketing his mouth…with my lips.
What?
I step back, open the driver’s side door. “Goodnight, Sawyer.”
“Goodnight,” he replies softly, moving away as I close the door and back out of the driveway.
That itchy feeling on my nape returns and my eyes flick to the rearview mirror, half-expecting there to be a raccoon staring at me accusingly.
Or, a la Cedar Hollow, a goose.
But there’s nothing there aside from shadows.
“Paranoid,” I whisper as I look forward and focus on driving forward. “And maybe because I’m writing too many kidnapping scenes.”
Yeah, my warriors have their work cut out for them to get their women back.
My story has been bouncing around in my brain for months now.
Clearly, I need to step out of my fictional world for a bit.
That doesn’t stop me from checking the rearview a few more times on the drive home.
But it still doesn’t reveal anything but shadows and empty roads.
Not a fictional villain in sight.
Or at least not one I can see.