Chapter 36
Thirty-Six
Lainey
Luna and Ollie are strolling through the back yard, my friend doing her level best to distract Ollie from the fact that stuffed Ollie is missing.
In the meantime, Veronica and Alex are helping Smitty, Ryan, and Sawyer install the cameras.
Faye and Gray are in the kitchen cooking a pregame meal for the guys.
And I’m…
Unsettled.
My team isn’t aware of any readers who’ve crossed a line in their communications, but they’re reviewing messages on my social media and in my inbox to make sure something didn’t slip through the cracks.
The cameras are going up, and Ollie was disappointed but is doing okay overall.
It helps that Alex played soccer with him for a bit, and that Sawyer hefted him onto his shoulders so Ollie could help screw in the camera in the corner of the porch.
And now Luna is making him laugh as they turn back toward me and she declares, “Three. Two. One. Go!” and takes off running.
On one.
“Cheater!” Ollie yells.
“I have to cheat,” Luna says. “You’re too fast!”
Case in point, Ollie flies by her, his face screwed up, his arms pumping hard, his little legs speeding away.
“I win!” he shouts as he careens up the porch and skids to a halt beside me and baby Reese, who’s sleeping soundly in that way babies do.
The softest creak at night and they’re wide awake for hours.
All sorts of ruckus during the day and they don’t so much move a muscle.
“You do indeed,” Luna says, breathing a little heavy as she sinks down beside me then glances over, her mouth curving. “Kid’s got speed, baby!” she calls and I turn to see Aiden coming around the corner of the house where he was installing a motion-sensing light.
Aiden grins. “Oh, yeah? Who says?”
“Me!” Ollie cries. “I’ve got speed.”
“Nah.” Aiden shakes his head. “I’m faster.”
“Nuh-uh!”
“Prove it,” Aiden says.
Ten seconds later, they’re running across the grass. Ten seconds after that—mostly because these men are physically unable to resist a challenge, even from a four-year-old—races are happening. And only ten more seconds after that—Luna, Faye, and Kailey have joined in on the races.
And though the guys don’t let Ollie win all of them, they do let him win enough that he’s grinning, pride shining in his eyes.
Plus, the breaks between races give the guys plenty of chances to steal kisses from their wives.
“Ew, Uncle Smitty!” Ollie groans. “Stop kissing Auntie Kailey so much.”
I laugh and I’m not alone. Veronica is doing the same as she sits down next to me, Sophie in her lap, snoring softly.
These kids make my soul ache in the best possible way.
Sighing softly, knowing that even though everything feels so off-kilter, my boy is smiling and so that means, for the moment, everything’s okay, I turn to Veronica. “Did you get in to see Leo and Harper and Reed today?”
She nods. “They’ll be going home this evening.”
“Good,” I say. “I remember being both so anxious to sleep in my own bed and not be interrupted by nurses or beeping machines for a few hours, and terrified that they were even considering sending the tiny human home with me.”
Veronica laughs. “Exactly. Such a big responsibility, and not even an owner’s manual.” Twinkling brown eyes on mine. “It’s an outrage.”
“Exactly,” I say on a chuckle.
Then sigh.
“Am I crazy, Ronnie?”
Her mouth curves.
“What?”
“No one’s called me that…” A sigh, her gaze telling me she’s drifted somewhere very far away. “Not for a long, long time.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Her eyes flash back to the present. “No.” A beat. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About the fact that I may be going insane or that I might have a stalker or that I’m taking a chance on a man when I promised I would never put my heart on the line again?”
I…shit.
I hadn’t meant to say that.
Hadn’t meant for any of this to happen—hadn’t meant for me asking him to stay for just one night to turn into so much more, hadn’t meant for my heart to get involved, hadn’t meant to feel so…
Much.
Veronica’s brows lift so high they’re practically in her hairline.
“Umm…”
She rests a hand on my knee. “Want me to pretend you didn’t say that?” She gestures toward the back yard, where the rest of our crew are still occupied. “Or would you rather that I give you some advice?”
I wrinkle my nose and mutter, “I know which one my head is screaming at me to take.”
Her mouth curves. “Then I’ll ignore it and speak to your heart.”
But she doesn’t speak, not for a long moment.
Instead, she looks out at our friends—at our family—running around like lunatics on my back lawn, laughing and joking, kissing and hugging, teasing and bickering and…full of so much freaking joy.
And I think about where they started, think about all they’ve endured.
And I think about where they are now.
And…I think about where I want to be.
I close my eyes, take a long, slow breath…then exhale even and steady.
Opening them back up, I meet Veronica’s gaze. “Talk to my heart, Ronnie.”
Her mouth curves, her fingers tense on my knee.
“There will come a moment where everything inside you screams that it’s not worth the risk, that it’s too dangerous to risk your heart and happiness on another person.
They may be wonderful and kind and sweet, but they’re also fallible, also human—a human who can make mistakes and hurt you and be imperfect.
” She sighs, her voice filled with such incredible sadness that my eyes burn with tears.
“Ignore that voice, sweetheart. Because once you let that go…”
Her eyes close and a tear slips down her cheek.
“It’s impossible to get it back.”