Chapter Twenty-FiveReeseAinsley
“We’ll be gone for about a week,” Razor said, concluding his announcement of a run to the Provo, UT chapter. Luckily, it was voluntary since it was more of a social visit.
Zombie, their president, invited us to The Metal Shop, the club’s music venue, to see Vengynce. Normally, I’d go because I loved partying with them. Not this time. Besides, that didn’t concern me. It was the shit that happened before that had me up in arms.
Jameson, our National President, approved of the money we were bringing in by working so closely with the Wichita chapter. Topeka’s loss was a blow, but we’d recovered. Now, he’d assigned us a big shipment of guns to move to the southern border so we could funnel them to the cartels. We were expected to leave in two days. I couldn’t see any way around that decree. At the same time, I couldn’t see myself leaving Ainsley.
In the week since that nightmare at her brother’s house, I’d seen her once. She didn’t take my calls, so I knew Ma Siller told her what I said. She liked Ainsley and didn’t want my assholery to hurt her in the end. A couple of hours ago, Ainsley texted me and asked me to come with her to her first doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon.
I’d agreed without second thought, not considering the possibility of a run when Razor called emergency church. There were a lot of calls to make and logistics to arrange. Louisiana had returned two days ago, although I hadn’t seen Jinx. He was tight-lipped and angry, so I suspected she’d left him. I had my own shit to deal with, so I couldn’t bring myself to placate that motherfucker when he facilitated his own fucking misery. I hoped he had his head in the right place, since he and Bolt had to plan the routes.
“Any word on Boom Boom and company?” Warrior asked, his gaze on me.
Folding my arms, I shifted my weight and held in my glare.
“Heard they’re back,” Marquis said, bored.
Snickers rose up.
“Yeah, without Roman Mac,” Knight added. “Pieces of that motherfucker is probably strewn over all the places they went.”
So much about me had changed since I met Ainsley. I’d found a smidgeon of humanity. Any other time I’d be high-fiving and celebrating right along with my brothers. Now, her devastation ran uppermost in my head.
“I’m fucking jealous,” Warrior grouched. “I should’ve cut that fucker’s head off when I had the chance.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face. As much as I detested the Bloody Scorpions and would celebrate the complete and total annihilation of the entire organization, I’d wanted Roman to escape for Ainsley’s sake. I wonder if she knew of her brother’s death or if she just chalked it up to his anger.
Legalities needed tending to. The house needed vacating. If he had a will, it needed to be probated. I didn’t want the Bloody Scorpions laying claim to anything that rightfully belonged to Ainsley. Whatever she wanted, she’d have come hell or highwater.
“You don’t seem too happy about Roman’s death, Reese,” Razor observed.
What did he expect me to say? I shrugged.
“Tomorrow, we need to head on over to the garage,” he continued. “I need to pick up their balance sheets. Make sure it matches my numbers.”
“What time tomorrow?”
“Whenever I say,” Razor said sharply. “I’m thinking around two. You got a problem with that?”
Sonofabitch . Ainsley’s appointment was for two. She wanted me there as much as I wanted to be with her. “Ainsley sees the doctor for the first time tomorrow.”
Razor lifted a brow. “That’s my problem how?”
“No way, Prez,” I answered without hesitation. “But she’s carrying my kid. My first one. I want to be there.”
“Your first?” Jester asked. “You planning on having more?”
“It depends,” I responded.
Warrior snapped his brows together. “On?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said defensively, although it did to me. I hadn’t planned on one child and if Ainsley and I didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have any more. If we did and she wanted the kid to have a sibling, then I’d have more. “First kid is special.”
“It would be special if that little cunt didn’t have Roman Mac and Bloody Scorpion blood in her,” Razor growled.
“You allowed Bolt and several of our brothers to help me when she was in trouble.”
“Wrong. I allowed them to infiltrate Roman’s home. If he’s having a shit fit that she’s pregnant with your kid, then when he realized Royal Bastards were in his place, I hope it tormented him in his final hours.”
“He might not have seen the footage,” I reasoned, disheartened by everyone’s firm stance on Ainsley. Since we met, I’d spent half my time defending her and the other half either avoiding her or chasing behind her. If Razor had relented, I could’ve brought her to the clubhouse temporarily. “Even if he did, I don’t think he’d care we were there because we saved Ainsley.”
“You sure put a lot of faith in our enemy,” Knight said.
“I cut off his fucking hands, bro. What more do you want from me?”
“You know he killed Trinity,” Knight said bitterly. “You know he’s one of their top enforcers. Makes a man wonder about your allegiance.”
“You have one more fucking time to question my loyalty, fuckhead,” I snarled, annoyed and fed-up. “I’ll beat you into the fucking ground.” I turned to Razor. “Very few of us have ol’ ladies, but we respect them and give them the benefit of the doubt.”
“Confirm her brother’s death and then we’ll see,” Razor said.
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” For that matter, how was it my fucking problem, since they were the ones stuck on bullshit and spewing rumors about me. “I know about as much about that motherfucker as you do.”
“I’ve met Ainsley, Prez,” Louisiana inserted. “She’s harmless. Her only crime is Roman. Other than that, you should give her a chance for Reese’s sake.”
Louisiana met my eyes. His expression was still unreadable, but I appreciated his putting in the good word for her, so I nodded.
“When Jinx was pregnant the last time, you all were as happy as me,” Louisiana said quietly. “Shouldn’t we do the same for Reese?”
“We like Jinx,” Marquis said. “We don’t like Ainsley.”
“You’ve never met her,” I snapped. “Do you know why? Because none of you want her here.”
Razor glowered at me. “I got one question for you.”
“If it’s about Roman Mac, I don’t have an answer yet, Prez.”
He stepped from behind the podium and walked over to where I stood. His pats to my jaw felt more like hits. “Get it soon, Reese. But that’s not what I want to ask you.”
I didn’t like his diabolical smile. “Okay.” What the fuck else could I say?
“Do you love this cunt? Do you plan on keeping her? Do you see forever with her?”
Bolt tugged at his long beard. “Ain’t that three questions you asking my boy, Razor?”
“All in the same family, so I count it as one,” Razor said calmly. “So give me the answer to my one question in three parts to address everything.”
My mind scrambled for answers. Ma Siller and I had a similar conversation. I was convinced it was a fucking conspiracy.
I’d already claimed Ainsley, thinking to protect her, but it wasn’t enough. What more could I say? I liked Ainsley a lot and had been deeply in lust with her since the moment she walked up to my table. I never counted myself as the jealous type but she gave me a piece of herself that only I got to have. It meant more to me that I wanted to admit, then or now, though I just had. Now that she carried my baby, I wanted more with her. However, I don’t think I loved her—I hadn’t known her long enough. I wanted her and that should’ve been enough.
“I’ve aged ten goddamn years waiting for your fucking answer, Reese,” Razor growled, forever a surly motherfucker.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Start with the truth,” he ordered. “From my vantage point, if you bring her here and it don’t work out, then what? Does she have any other connections in that fucking club that would want to hit us because of her?”
I didn’t think so, but without being one hundred percent sure, I couldn’t answer the question.
“What about if you take her as your ol’ lady?” Razor pressed. “I don’t care if they want her dead, we’d still be encroaching on one of their princesses. That would put a target on our backs because of your fucking cock.”
“What the fuck do you want me to do?” I yelled, at the end of my rope. “Ainsley’s twenty-one-years old, pregnant, and alone. How the fuck can I find out anything if Ma Siller has all but barred me from the fucking house because I vented over Ainsley’s recklessness and you won’t let her set foot in the fucking club? This is all bullshit. I don’t have a fucking answer to any of your questions, Razor.”
My less-than-respectful tone deserved Razor’s wrath. I knew better, and yet, it infuriated me that if Ma Siller wasn’t barring me from visiting Ainsley, then something came up at the club.
Razor punched my jaw. I reeled back, pain streaking through me and stars dancing in front of my eyes. His gut punch doubled me over. Through a haze, I listened as he banged the gavel and adjoined the meeting.
I wasn’t sure why I invited Reese to the doctor’s appointment. Ma Siller told me to give him space to get his head on straight. She insisted I content myself with seeing Reese when I saw him and warned me not to chase him because that would only drive him away.
I’d been so sure Reese would prove her wrong. I thought he’d want to see me and talk to me, yet he only showed up once. After he left, Ma Siller asked me if I’d come out of the room the night we met. I hadn’t. Once she left me, I called Roman and left a message for him. Eight days later, he still hadn’t called me back.
Ma Siller went into great detail about her conversation with Reese. It crushed me, but then she walked it back a little by saying he felt something for me and that had him running scared. Hearing her perspective about Reese as a brokenhearted thirteen-year-old left me hurting for him as much as I did when he’d told me about the loss of his family. I understood his grief and fear, but where did that leave me and the baby? He was emotionally scarred so he rejected anything that might bring him pain.
Ma thought Trinity’s death also played a factor. She made it sound as if they had something deeper than Reese led me to believe. By my second day with her, I didn’t know if she liked me or wanted answers to pass along to the club.
She grilled me about everything from my parents to Roman to my friendship with Nova. It exhausted me. Tess and Big Poppa’s visits lifted my spirits. Every day, she brought something for me to eat, usually broth-based and hearty.
Once they left, Ma Siller got back to her interrogation. When she ran out of questions, she had her daughters come and take up where she left off. Sometimes, I heard myself answering the same questions.
Reese visited on the fourth day, although Ma Siller didn’t give us a moment alone so I could ask him about his conversation with her. After a couple of hours, she put him out. When I awakened, three days ago and went to the kitchen for a glass of water and saltines, a completely different woman greeted me as if she’d had a personality transplant. Ma Siller was solicitous, kind, and affable.
During Tess’s lunchtime visit yesterday, she told me she’d made an appointment for me with an OB. Tess and Big Poppa were going out of town for their anniversary, but she promised to check on me every day. Meanwhile, Ma Siller offered to come to the appointment with me.
Instead, I told her I’d invited Reese and I wanted to drive there on my own. Although he hadn’t responded to my text, I thought maybe he’d come, but as my name was called and the nurse took my vital signs and my history, he still hadn’t contacted me.
“Here’s a hospital gown and a sheet,” the nurse said. “Dr. Purdue will be in shortly.”
As I lay on the table, I didn’t think the doctor knew the meaning of shortly since I’d been in the room for forty-five minutes before he walked in with the nurse following behind.
He was tall, blue-eyed, and handsome with a bedside manner that I immediately liked. During the pelvic exam, I pulled the sheet over my head in embarrassment, but he explained everything calmly and gave no indication he saw my action as anything but mature.
“Everything is fine. Nothing to worry about,” he said, sliding off his gloves and washing his hands. He nodded to the nurse. “Arthel will get you ready for your ultrasound.”
She led me from the exam room to where the ultrasound machine was via a connected door. Once she typed in my name and date of birth, she left me alone.
Which was exactly what I was—alone. Never more than in that moment when I expected the father of my baby to suddenly arrive because, as far as I knew, it was his first child, too. Or just because of me. He cared enough to want to be here as my support.
He didn’t have to want me . He just had to care.
I blinked at the ceiling, wondering what I’d gotten myself into. I didn’t have anything, so how could I take care of this baby? Why did I even want it? It was an unplanned accident that happened because of my misguided stupidity. Listening to Nova about the rhythm method and how I didn’t want my first time to be so impersonal. I was just lucky that Reese didn’t have an STD, like Louisiana swore.
From the beginning, I’d set myself up for this massive failure.
Even if Dayton had lived, I would’ve still ended up pregnant. That would’ve gone over as well with him as it had with my brother.
My tears didn’t surprise me. They were my new normal and went right along with that stupid morning sickness. Ma Siller said carrying babies was hard on a woman in every way.
The door opened and I didn’t bother lifting my head, regretting so much, including not allowing her to come with me.
“The doctor will be with you shortly,” Arthel said.
“He doesn’t know the definition,” I mumbled just as Reese said, “thank you.”
I stilled, afraid to believe he was here and afraid to lift my head and discover he wasn’t. My skin prickled and my heart sped up. The smell of cologne and motor oil invaded my senses. I ignored the slight nausea.
“Are you going to talk to me?”
The sound of his voice washed over me. His uncertainty surprised me.
“Ainsley?”
“Have you done anything where I shouldn’t talk to you?”
“I know Ma Siller told you what I said.”
I’d gone through too many emotions today to get into this conversation right now.
“Can I at least explain myself?”
“Not here,” I said tiredly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Until the next time.”
“Can I take you for a ride after we leave and we can talk then?”
“I have my car and Ma Siller is cooking a nice dinner for me.” Her words, not mine. “You can follow me there, then I’ll go for a ride with you after we eat. If I’m not too tired. You’ll just have to come back tomorrow, if I am.”
“I won’t be here tomorrow. I’m going on a run for two weeks.”
My heart sinking, I sat up. Reese stood a few feet away, staring at me, as handsome as ever. His gray eyes searched my face.
Before I formed a response, the door opened and Dr. Purdue walked in, followed by Arthel, prompting Reese to finally close the distance between us. Grabbing my hand, he kissed my forehead.
“Are you ready, Ainsley?” Dr. Purdue asked.
Reese’s brows snapped together and he scowled at the doctor. “Who the fuck are you?”
Immediately, his attitude raised my hackles. I shoved aside my fear that he’d go on a run like Roman had and drop out of sight. “My doctor,” I gritted, snatching my hand away, unconcerned about Arthel’s gasp and the doctor’s stiffening. “You know? Identifiable by his lab coat and badge.”
He scowled at me.
“Save it,” I ordered, holding my hand up to ward off his response. “You don’t get to come in here and act like a jackass after ignoring me for days, baby daddy. You didn’t even have the decency to respond to my text. You just left me wondering if you’d show up.”
“Did you just call me baby daddy?”
“Is it not what you are?” I asked sweetly. “And it’s better than sperm donor.”
Swearing under his breath, he clenched his jaw.
“You’re here, Reese. Act like you have sense, respect my doctor and his nurse, or get out. You’re not ruining this moment for me, jerk.”
“It’s my moment, too. This is my first kid.”
I studied my nails. “I can’t tell by your deadbeat behavior, so let’s cue the violins that you’re so put upon.”
He pinned me with a severe look, then glowered at the doctor. “Can we get on with it?”
Dr. Purdue searched my face. “Would you like to proceed with him in the room or should I ask him to leave?”
Reese balled his fists at his sides. “Wait a damn minute. This is my baby, too.”
“That I’m carrying, Reese. You aren’t responsible for it, me, or the bills.”
“Did you even put me down as the father?” he snapped. “Or are you erasing me there as well?”
“Ha. You’ve erased yourself. And, yes, I put you down, although I don’t know anything about your family’s medical history. I needed you here to fill that part out.”
Some of the fight left him and he swore again. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know. Or I’ll fill out the paperwork myself.”
“Why don’t you do that while I complete Ainsley’s ultrasound?” Dr. Purdue suggested. It was obvious he didn’t want Reese in the room. Not that I blamed him, considering how much of a fuckhead he’d been. “We won’t be long.”
“Is that what you want, Ainsley?” Reese asked, a note of vulnerability creeping into his voice. “You’re right. You’re carrying our baby. It’s about you, not me.”
“I want you here with me.” I didn’t think about my answer; I just blurted my deepest desire. It was an illusion that reality would burst the moment we walked out of this room. For now, I could pretend that his plaintive note really meant he’d lowered his guard enough to truly consider me. “Just behave.”
He gave me a half smile. “As you wish.”
Reese sat on a rolling stool while Arthel had me lift my gown and lower the sheet to reveal my belly. Its flatness disappointed me. By now, I’d hoped to see a bump.
“This is going to be cold,” she advised, shaking the bottle of gel and then coating my skin with it.
The uncomfortable chill lasted a moment, disappearing when Dr. Purdue spread it around with his doppler. He stared at the screen as he continued moving the little device. Reese also focused on whatever was on the monitor so I turned my head and saw absolutely nothing but black, white, and shades of gray.
“There’s your little one right there,” Dr. Purdue said, pointing and continuing to move the doppler. “It’s about four point five centimeters and ten grams.”
I’d repeatedly gone through this moment in my head. The visual confirmation of the baby inside of me. At times, I’d felt indifferent. I already knew I carried a child. How would seeing it make a difference? Other times, I felt alone, overwhelmed, and fearful. Visible verification would make it real and remind me of my plight. I’d remember how stupid I was to trust Nova. Suddenly, none of it mattered. Not the hows, whys, or maybes. Only it and its well-being counted.
“Can you tell the sex?” I asked, staring at the oddly shaped head that seemed to make up half of what the doctor identified as a baby.
“I can take a guess, but it won’t be as accurate as it will be if we wait another couple weeks.”
“What do you want to do, Reese?” I asked shyly. “Do you want Dr. Purdue to take a guess or should we wait?”
He dragged his attention away from the screen, got to his feet and brushed his lips over mine. “Whatever you want, Ainsley,” he said softly. “But I prefer certainties.”
“Okay.” I looked at the doctor. “We’ll wait.”
“Can you do that 3d ultrasound, doc?” Reese asked, as if he hadn’t acted like a raging asshole. “I looked it up when I got a moment last night. I thought she’d have that.”
“She can,” Dr. Purdue responded, allowing bygones to be bygones, “but there isn’t a need.”
“Neither is there the money,” I said, keeping it real.
I know I wasn’t supposed to bring up money, especially in mixed company, but if it wasn’t for Tess bumping up my pay, I would’ve had to wait until my insurance kicked in, which would take another three weeks. Although I still hadn’t returned to work, I was now a full-time employee, and eligible for all benefits.
“I’ll pay for it,” Reese said.
Arthel sniffed. “My sister, Big Poppa, and Glinda are dividing the bill.”
“What?” Reese’s strangled cough drowned out my gasp. No wonder Tess had gotten me in so quickly. Arthel was her sister. “I have money to pay.”
“Billing isn’t our department,” Dr. Purdue said sharply, giving his nurse a warning glare. “You’ll have to talk to them.”
Folding her arms, Arthel gave Reese the stink eye. I wondered what she’d heard about him. It couldn’t have been any worse than his display when he first arrived, which served to underscore his bad behavior.
“I will definitely talk to them,” Reese said. “This is my baby. I’ll do the paying.”
“Are we ready to hear the heartbeat, Ainsley?” Dr. Purdue cut in, his movements stiff and jerky. He obviously didn’t like Reese, either.
“Can you confirm how many weeks she is?” Reese demanded, the feeling of dislike mutual.
It was a typical question, so I shouldn’t have put much stock into it. Given his recent behavior, however, I couldn’t help but feel a way about it.
“She’s eleven weeks and four days. Estimated due date is June 28 th .”
Reese nodded, though his expression remained unreadable.
Turning back to the job at hand, Dr. Purdue nodded. Arthel immediately squeezed more gel onto my belly. He slid the doppler around a moment, then turned a dial on the machine.
The heartbeat rose strong and loud in the silence of the room. If I’d repeatedly imagined visual confirmation, hearing the beat of its heart was unimaginable . I’d never considered how it would feel to have Reese’s watery laughter, tight hug, and quick kiss. I didn’t think about how I’d suddenly feel so attached to him and our baby, and long for us to be a couple and then a family. And I definitely didn’t expect awe and joy to course through me so fiercely that I burst into tears.
Reese leaned in and drew me into his arms. Just then, I didn’t care that he didn’t love me and didn’t want the baby. In the here and now, I felt safe and wanted. I buried my nose in his strong neck, breathing in the faint scent of leather, grateful he’d come to experience this with me.
He whispered sweet nothings and comforting words to me.
“Your baby looks perfectly healthy,” Dr. Purdue said into the silence, punctuated only by my sniffles. Not even the baby’s heartbeat rose up anymore. “Arthel will give you your lab slip for bloodwork, though I don’t expect any abnormalities and I’ll see you back in four weeks. Any questions?”
I swiped at my cheeks. “I don’t have to see you every week? Four weeks is a long time between visits.”
“You’re young and healthy, and your baby looks fine,” he said with reassurance. “Unless complications arise, the typical schedule is every four weeks until the twenty-eighth week, then every two weeks. Once you hit thirty-six weeks, I’ll see you weekly.”
“You’ll be my attending physician?”
I’d read stories where an OB sometimes sent in one of the associates in their practice, especially if they weren’t on call.
“Even if I’m not, the doctors in this practice are more than capable of taking care of you and the baby.”
“I don’t know them. I know you.”
“We’ll talk about it closer to your due date. Why don’t you get dressed so you can check out? There’s still time before the lab closes to get your bloodwork.”
“Dr. Purdue, right?” Reese demanded, not giving the doctor a chance to respond before saying, “I’d like to talk to you while Ainsley dresses.”
The doctor made a show of looking at his watch. “I don’t have time at the moment.”
“I’m not asking. I’m telling you, so make the fucking time. I need to talk to you. It’ll be two minutes, then you’re free to see Kingdom Come for all I fucking care.”
Most people would’ve been mortified at Reese’s threatening demeanor, but most people hadn’t had Roman as a brother. I wondered how either of them would react if I ever pointed out how similar they were in so many ways.
Pretty sure, neither of them would appreciate that observation, which just confirmed how alike they were.