Chapter 33
Miranda
As far as Miranda was concerned, this kid Jimmy and his emo sister Morag sounded like a pair of immature idiots.
Worse: druggie idiots with deluded dreams. As if they were actually going to go on to be famous siblings, a writer and a rock star.
Lewis had more chance of making it big with his poetry.
Mum had more chance of recovering from her sickness.
‘Morag said Jimmy has got the best weed in Scotland,’ Lewis said. ‘We’re going to hang out in the caves. Build a fire. Jimmy is going to bring his guitar, play some tunes. You should come with us.’
‘Why would I want to hang out with a group of children, listening to some busker?’
‘Suit yourself, sis.’ Lewis chuckled.
‘Listen,’ Holly said. ‘We know you think it’s lame around here, but you really ought to come along. You deserve some fun.’
Miranda had rounded on them. ‘Somebody has to stay here and keep Mum company. I think it’s disgusting, actually. That you two are planning to go out and get wasted with your loser friends while our mother is lying in that room, too sick to do anything.’
‘She told me she wants us to go out and have fun,’ Lewis said.
‘Yeah, of course, she would say that. She’s nice.’
‘I think she actually meant it,’ said Holly. ‘What good is it going to do, us staying in the house? She’ll probably fall asleep at nine anyway. She usually does. And she’ll have you and Dad with her.’
‘Yeah, come on, Miranda,’ Lewis said. ‘It’s hard for us, too. But life … it has to go on, right?’
‘You make me sick.’ Miranda pointed at him. ‘You only want to go out because you think that emo is going to let you into her knickers.’
‘You’re the disgusting one,’ Lewis said. ‘Morag and I – it’s more a meeting of minds. A cerebral connection.’
He had left the room, leaving the two sisters behind. Holly, to her credit, at least looked a bit guilty, wringing her hands and glancing at Mum’s closed bedroom door.
‘I really don’t think she minds us going out.’
‘Whatever. I don’t want you here anyway.’
Holly had walked away, pausing to say, ‘If Mum falls asleep and you decide you want to come out, you’re welcome to join us.’
Miranda had replied with a grunt.
Now, on the evening of New Year’s Eve, she stood in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil. She made two cups of tea and carried them up to the bedroom, where Mum lay, propped up with a pillow behind her.
‘Ah, lovely,’ Mum said as Miranda set her mug on the bedside table. ‘You’re a good girl.’
‘How are you feeling?’ Miranda sat down by her mum’s feet. On the other side of her, their miniature dachshund, Willow, was snoozing. She opened one eye to regard Miranda, then closed it, satisfied.
‘Not too bad, sweetheart. Tired, that’s all. But I’m always tired these days, aren’t I? You must be sick of hearing about it.’
‘Not at all.’
Mum smiled and closed her eyes, resting her hands on her collar bone.
Miranda felt herself drifting. It was so quiet here.
Dad was downstairs, watching TV, and Holly and Lewis were out with their new friends.
All she could hear was Willow’s slightly wheezy breathing and the wind outside the window.
A great wave of melancholy washed over her.
‘Why didn’t you go out tonight?’ Mum’s voice made her startle.
‘I thought you were asleep.’
‘Nope. I’m still with you. But you should have gone out, Miranda. It’s Hogmanay.’
‘I wanted to stay here with you.’
‘You are silly.’
Mum closed her eyes again, allowing Miranda to study her.
‘You’re beautiful, Mum. Dad was so lucky to meet you.’
‘Maybe.’ She smiled her soft smile again, but then grew serious. ‘One day your dad will find someone new. He’s still young, Miranda—’
‘He’s in his forties.’
‘That’s young. And he deserves to find happiness again. I don’t want him to be lonely.’
‘He won’t be. He’ll have me and Lewis and Holly.’
Mum patted her hand. ‘But you’ll grow up, have children of your own. Eventually, one day, Dad will meet someone new. I mean, they won’t be as pretty as me, of course.’
‘How could they be?’
She closed her eyes again and, after a minute, Miranda did the same.
‘Miranda?’
She woke with a start. How long had she been asleep? And how long had Holly been there, lingering in the doorway?
‘Oh God, you stink,’ Miranda said, wrinkling her nose against the smell of booze and weed smoke. She checked the time. ‘Why are you back? It’s not midnight yet.’
‘I wasn’t feeling well.’
‘Huh. I wonder why.’
Suddenly, from the bed, Mum said, ‘I want you both to make me a promise.’
Miranda got up and went over to her. ‘I thought you were asleep.’
She tried to adjust Mum’s pillows, but Elizabeth shook her off.
‘Stop fussing. Listen to me. After I’m gone, it’s going to be down to you two to keep the family together.
I know what will happen. Your dad will throw himself into his work.
And Lewis is so immature, such a dreamer.
I need you to look after them, okay? And each other.
This family …’ Her voice faded out, and Miranda had a terrifying thought.
Had she had a moment of clarity and then died?
But then she spoke again. ‘Family is everything. We stick together. We protect each other. Our reputation. Our legacy. No matter what. Say it.’
‘No matter what,’ Miranda repeated, a lump in her throat.
Holly came a little closer. She said it, too.
‘Now, I need to sleep.’ She fell quiet, and this time Miranda was convinced Mum was asleep. But as she got up to tiptoe away, Holly a step behind her, Mum said it again, a whisper, barely audible.
‘Family is everything.’