Chapter 6 #2
Before we dig into the food, Halmoni stands up with a glass of prosecco in hand.
“Thank you all for being here. Another year of Cassia.” She looks at me with love, but there’s sadness in her eyes.
“And another year without Evette. Let’s take a moment to remember her and feel her spirit around this table with us. ”
Everyone quiets and Mar catches my hand under the table and gives it a squeeze.
A beautiful salad of butter lettuce from Emoni’s garden is passed around, bright orange nasturtium scattered on top.
It makes the kids giggle at the thought of eating flowers.
I watch Marcella’s husband, Logan, pretend to be a cow gnashing at his, and smile.
He’s this quiet (literal) rocket scientist who, around his children, becomes a playful goofball willing to put aside all dignity for a quick smile.
Ozzie and Mica have their mother’s wild, curly hair and their father’s brown skin and all together they look like an idyllic future of humanity. We should be so lucky, honestly.
Marcella gives herself a heavy pour of prosecco. “And now, a toast to the birthday girl, please.”
“No need,” I say, scooping some salad onto my plate.
“Please.” Marcella scoffs. “You’re turning forty and we’re not going to toast you?”
“Save it for my funeral.”
Indignation erupts around the table, with Emoni crossing herself. I laugh. “Okay, okay. I’ll allow a toast.”
Halabuji clinks his glass with chopsticks. “More than one!”
“I’m going to start,” Marcella says, standing.
Ozzie squeals, “Mama!”
I grin, looking at my best friend. A tall blonde with broad shoulders and impeccable style, Marcella is a force to be reckoned with.
She has a scratchy voice and would have probably been called a “broad” in the golden age of Hollywood.
I would say she’s superhuman for doing all she does with two young kids, but the reality is she’s worked hard to make it happen: saving up money to have childcare.
Waiting until her parents retired and could help out before having her second child.
Scheduling regular marriage counseling to make sure she and Logan remain a functional team.
None of her success is an accident, and it’s one of the many things I admire about her.
“Welcome to the fourth decade, darling,” she says.
“It’s great. You will no longer care about young people’s ugly clothes nor their shitty music.
You will no longer have FOMO about literally anything except people who get to drink a lot and wake up without hangovers.
You will be”—she glances around the table full of Korean geriatrics—“ah, your needs will be much more clear.” My cousins are dying trying to hold in laughter, so she rushes through.
“And you will manifest the things you want.”
My family all look at me, something behind their eyes.
Hope. They hope I find Daniel before I become a withered old husk of an ovary.
It would stress me out except I froze my eggs when I was thirty-two.
Just as insurance, and to ease my grandmother’s worries.
And maybe a little bit because it was the age my mom was when she died.
I also don’t squirm under this pressure because I know I’ll meet Daniel. We have a 100 percent guarantee for a reason. I just don’t know when.
“So, cheers to Cassia. The most type A person I know. Who takes care of those around her but knows how to take care of herself, too. The world would be better if everyone was like her. We’d have no wars and no bad dates. Happy birthday!”
Everyone raises their glasses, and I feel the flush of wine hit my cheeks with the overwhelming sense of gratitude I always get whenever I’m with these people. “Thank you, Mar. The tallest woman I know.”
Mica bursts into laughter and Ozzie copies him instinctively. Emoni takes a sip of prosecco. “You are very tall. And a very good friend to our Cassia.”
“She is.” I signal my love to Marcella with my eyes and she accepts it with a slow blink. “Thank you, all, for gathering again for my birthday. Special thanks to Emoni and my grandparents for cooking and hosting, as always.”
“It’s one of the few times all my kids make the trip out to L.A.,” Emoni says with winks at Josh and Brian. “So, I look forward to it every year.”
They all groan, Korean-mom guilt in full effect. But I know later they will make sure to take home her leftovers, to update all her apps on her phone, and probably one of them will buy her a new car.
“I’m sure I’ll be dreaming of this meal while I’m eating a can of beans in a few days,” I joke.
Sunny frowns. “No. Are you camping again? With your injuries?”
I shrug. “Not sure yet, I haven’t decided on where I’m going.” A very weird thing for me to say, but everyone knows it’s the one time of year I am spontaneous. “Also, I don’t even need the bandage anymore.” I hold up my naked wrist as proof. The cousins all start talking at once.
“What happened to you?”
“Couldn’t you do a five-star resort for your fortieth?”
“Can I see your wrist?” This from Lisa, the doctor.
Uncle Stu pulls out his phone and squints at it. “We’re supposed to have Santa Anas this weekend.”
My grandfather gets up from the table. “I need to make sure your tires have good pressure.”
“No, no. Sit down, Halabuji.” When he won’t listen I get up and drag him back by the arm. “We can do that after dinner. Everyone—chill!”
He looks unhappy about it but stays put.
Halmoni asks, “Can’t you just stay in town this year?
” There’s an edge of sadness to the question.
We all know the reason for me bolting, but we rarely talk about it.
It’s too painful and no one wants to ruin my birthday.
Even though it’s always ruined, for eternity.
I tear my barbecued short ribs apart carefully. “The woods are calling and I must go.”
“Maybe Daniel will be in the woods,” Marcella says.
“Mar.” I shake my head.
“What! I’m supporting you.”
“Daniel Nam?” Griffin asks.
My mouth drops open and I look at Josh accusingly. “You all are just talking about this guy now?” I’m kidding but Marcella takes it seriously.
“Yeah, we are. You won’t even date a hot young guy because of Daniel. Of course we talk about this cockblock!” She glances at my grandparents before her own children. “Sorry.” Griffin laughs so hard that Josh has to smack his arm.
Halmoni’s unfazed. “Cassia knows her fate.” Then she frowns. “Wait, who is this young guy? That handsome boy who came into the office the other day?”
Marcella almost drops her rib. “Wait, what?”
Cousins start shooting questions at me and I pour wine directly down my throat, barely tasting it along the way.
“Ooh,” says Mica gleefully. Logan reaches over and covers his mouth with this hand, his face holding back laughter.
“What guy?” he asks, glancing at Marcella.
Marcella leans forward. “The guy who helped Cass after the bike accident. Ellis.”
“Ellis-euh?” Halabuji’s accent comes out full force.
“He came into the office?” Marcella prods, looking at Halmoni.
She nods. “Yes, they went out together. But, of course, I thought nothing of it because he looks like a baby.”
“You went out together?” Marcella’s voice is at a pitch that would summon Betty the bird from her cage in Mount Washington. Everyone starts squealing.
“Calm down, please. He showed up yesterday making sure I was okay. Somehow he found out I work at One & Only since I’m practically invisible online. Anyway, I took him out for a coffee, no big deal.” I pause. “Well, I wanted to take him, but he ended up paying.”
Everyone looks smug, even Ozzie.
“Okay, okay. So, he’s into you. I knew it. He was so concerned when all you did was scrape your knee.” Marcella waves a finger in the air. The sign of drunk authority.
“Excuse me? I thought everyone here was concerned that I was going to die.”
Marcella waves more aggressively. “You were fine, but Ellis was at your side like you were a Victorian maiden. How old is he, did you find out?”
“It doesn’t matter because we won’t see each other again.” I reach for the kimchi. Everyone just stares at me, waiting. “He’s twenty-eight.”
A few gasps. Wes bellows, “Noice!” Baby Wally next to him screeches and throws a corncob into the middle of the table.
I laugh. “Exactly. So, let’s all just drop it.”
“Why? Twenty-eight is nothing,” Marcella says.
Logan nods. “Yeah, a man your age wouldn’t blink twice at dating a twenty-eight-year-old.”
Marcella looks at him with fondness. “Good answer.” He tilts his head to the side, and she plants a kiss on his cheek. That familiar tug in my chest.
“None of this matters, okay? He’s not Daniel, he’s too young, et cetera, et cetera.”
“Since when does that stop you from having fun, though?” Marcella asks.
I think about it for a second. “I think turning forty is since when.”
Logan nods. “I see that.”
Marcella swats his arm. “No! Wrong answer. Forty is nothing.”
“You just gave a huge toast about how forty means letting your boobs sag in the wild,” I shoot back.
“Literally when did I say that?” Marcella ignores all the giggling children. The souls of the men at the table have left Earth. “I said forty is when you stop caring about what other people think. Which is what dating Ellis would be. Halmoni, don’t ‘at’ me.”
Halmoni shrugs as she eats a spoonful of rice dotted with purple beans. “Whatever that is, I won’t. Cassia knows her fate. I will say nothing else.”
Sunny and Stu exchange a glance that I catch because I notice everything.
When you’re a face reader, you learn to pay attention to the most minute movements in the face.
Sunny looks at me then. “If he’s cute, go for it.
You’re not forty forever. When you’re sixty-six, you’re going to wonder what the hell you were so hung up about. ”
“Thank you!” Marcella and Sunny clink their glasses loudly, sloshing their wine onto Mica’s head between them.
Ellis’s earnest brown eyes flash in my mind. His hands in his back pockets. That spark of awareness that crackled between us. A guy like that wouldn’t be serious about dating, right? He’s part of the Tinder generation. And also, look at him.
And then, like with most things in my life, destiny strikes. My phone vibrates, and when I look down I see that One & Only has a new follower on Instagram.
Ellis Yang-Cohen.
I catch Marcella’s eye across the table. “I blame you if this all goes south.”
She grins. “I am happy to take the credit when it all comes up roses, baby.”