Chapter 28
I balance a takeout tray of various caffeinated beverages to my grandparents’, dodging small dogs and strollers through Larchmont Village.
When I make it to the house, I find the Park women out on the back terrace. The roses are fragrant, and the magnolia trees are thick with glossy green leaves.
“Thank goodness,” Emoni says when she spots me. “I can’t believe you ran out of coffee, Unni.”
Halmoni makes a grunt-like noise. “Costco stopped carrying my favorite one. I have to figure out my next plan.”
I set the tray down and pass everyone their drinks. “You know, you can just buy it at normal price somewhere else.”
“Please,” she says. You could never take the Korean War out of Halmoni. She has entire drawers in her kitchen dedicated to unused takeout utensils and napkins.
Halmoni called a meeting for us at the house today, saying she had too many errands to run to stop by the office. After a sip of coffee she says, “I called you all here to talk about my retirement.”
My eyes widen. “Really?” It’s not the biggest surprise in the world. Halmoni is in her eighties, and this topic has certainly been discussed. But never officially.
“I’m not dead yet,” Halmoni barks. “It makes sense to make the plans now.”
I sit back in my chair. “Wow, okay. I’m ready. What are you thinking?”
“I’d like to retire by the end of the year.”
Emoni makes a small noise and I look at her. “I’ll also be retiring,” she says, almost apologetically.
My head immediately snaps to Sunny, who says, dryly, “Don’t look at me. I’m here for a while.”
I sag with relief. “Christ. I was about to have a heart attack.”
“We would never leave you alone, anyway, Cassia,” Halmoni says, softening. “But it’s time for me and your Emoni to get our rest.”
“Of course.” I reach both my hands out to touch theirs. “I’m really glad, for you both. You’ve worked so hard.”
“And so have you,” Emoni says, squeezing my hand.
Halmoni nods. “Yes, you have. So, we have some more news for you.”
My scalp tingles, and I have a feeling I know what they’re about to say.
Sunny says, “Can I tell her?”
Halmoni nods and Sunny shoots me a huge smile when she says, “You’re going to succeed Halmoni as president.”
Emoni claps her hands ecstatically while Halmoni and Sunny both beam at me. Suddenly, Halabuji rushes out of the workshop in the garage. “Did you tell her?” he hollers, holding up a ruler and wearing safety goggles.
“Yes!” Halmoni hollers back.
“Congratulations, Cassia!” he says, waving the ruler at me.
It’s like Succession but only one episode and very cute. I start laughing. “Oh wow, are you sure?” I look at Sunny. “What about…”
She shakes her head. “Sorry but I have zero interest in taking on that responsibility in my golden years. I’ll be helping with readings but that’s it.”
“Wow, okay,” I say, taking it all in. “Maybe it’s time to let the interns loose on TikTok?” I joke.
Halmoni doesn’t laugh but she smiles. “I trust you, Cassia. Go do your social media thing.”
“Okay, okay,” I say under my breath, still taking it in. “I mean, I knew that this would happen but I guess it’s still somehow surprising.”
“Like everything,” Halmoni says with fondness in her voice. “I am so proud of you. And I know that the company will continue to thrive under you.”
“Especially now that you’ve found Daniel!” Emoni says as she wraps me in a tight squeeze.
I feel myself tense under her touch. Suddenly the timing of all of this feels strangely fortuitous. “What does the company’s future have to do with Daniel?” I ask, pulling away.
Sunny drops her head into her hands. “Emo, Jesus.”
Emoni flushes. “What! It’s not anything bad.”
A foreboding lodges itself in the pit of my stomach and I look to Halmoni, whose expression is stoic as always. “Were you guys…were you waiting on me to find Daniel before naming me the successor?”
“No!” Sunny exclaims. “It wasn’t that.”
“Well,” Emoni says, dragging the word out. She catches my expression and says, “Cassia, it was only practical. We wanted to make sure everything was stable and on course for your future and your future daughter.”
My head swims at those words. “Pardon. Me?”
“You’ve gone and done it now,” Sunny says as she plops back in her chair. “Shit.”
Halmoni claps her hands loudly. “Everyone, stop being so dramatic. My goodness.” Before I can even open my mouth, she points to the chair near me. “Please, sit down.”
I remain standing. “No! Do not talk to me like I’m ten years old.”
“If you were ten, you would listen.”
Normally, a sharp comment like that from Halmoni would make me yield. But I surprise myself by remaining standing, staring her down. It’s a silent standoff in the splendor of this yard, the scent of roses wafting over us.
She takes a deep breath and places her hands on the chair in front of her. It’s a tiny, almost imperceptible waver. “Cassia, you know we always wanted you to find Daniel. And we’re so happy you have. And we never wanted to put this pressure on you.”
I continue to stare silently.
“But it’s true—we weren’t sure if giving you the company would distract you from finding your fated. And more than the company, more than anything, we want you to start your life. Your family,” Halmoni’s voice gives way here, to a tenderness.
Tears well up and I blink them away. “I know. But, what if I didn’t? Would I have lost my value then?”
“Of course not,” Sunny says vehemently. “I, more than anyone, understand the value of a life on your own terms.” There’s a moment between her and Halmoni here—a reckoning that I know will never really be reckoned, but that had been buried under the passage of time, as everyone’s focus moved to me and finding Daniel.
I never felt like my gift was a burden until right this very second. That feeling low in my belly—it’s radiating through my body. A dread poison.
“Yes, but you had that choice because of me,” I say. “Mom had a daughter, I have the gift. Pressure’s off.” The bitterness slips off my tongue and I see it land on everyone. Sunny, particularly, looks stung.
“It was never supposed to be a burden,” Emoni says, her voice sad. “We’re sorry if that’s how you feel.”
My anger starts to plateau as I take in the misery of my family.
Halmoni looks pale when she says, “I am always thinking of you first, Cassia.” In that raw confession, I see all the nights of Halmoni helping me with homework.
Of Emoni teaching me how to play Go-Stop.
Of Sunny chaperoning school field trips, sanitizing her hands every five minutes.
All the trips to the dentist, the back-to-school shopping, the sleepovers hosted in this very house.
These women raised me and I have never second-guessed my place in this family until right this minute. I feel myself deflate, the anger leaving me as quickly as it came. “I know that, of course. I appreciate you all. But, the Daniel thing—I want it to feel happy and real. Not…a duty.”
Emoni’s face is soft when she says, “Love is never a duty.”
I want to smile and be done with it but something about this is still making me uneasy. Love is never a duty, but for my family it kind of is. There’s expectation there—it might be tied to the idea of me finding happiness, but my family’s business relies on that happiness.
And when my mother rejected her fated—her relationship with her parents fractured. With Halmoni.
So, love isn’t an easy concept, a given, in my family. It’s way more complicated and for the first time, maybe ever, I wish that we were just normal.