Chapter 35
The entire drive back to L.A., I am so hungover.
Daniel gets us huge iced coffees and doesn’t mind when I mostly sleep.
He’s quiet, too. In some back cave of my memories, I remember him noticing.
And those small embers of resentment at even being at the wedding start smoldering again, making me feel defensive as I curl up in the seat.
Before I doze off, my phone buzzes. A couple more messages from the Park women harassing me about setting up dinner. And one from Ellis. I glance up at Daniel before reading it.
Sorry if things got weird last night. Blame the cocktails? Safe travels home.
I swallow back a lump of emotion and close my eyes against the pounding in my head.
My eyes are pried open hours later when we hit the familiar bump of my driveway.
“We’re here.” Daniel’s voice is quiet, like he doesn’t want to quite wake me.
I straighten up, adjusting my sunglasses and working out a crick in my neck. “Oh, god. Sorry I slept the entire ride.”
“It’s fine, I don’t know if I was in any condition to have a conversation, either,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh.
“You all party hard at Watson and Associates,” I say.
“It’s really a problem,” he says, but it’s with love, like he’s talking about his misbehaving toddler. “And hey, thanks for being such a good sport. I know it wasn’t easy…with Ellis and all.”
The weekend and all its complications come rushing back to me and I can’t tell if my headache is from that or the booze. Ellis’s eyes when he was dancing with me.
I can’t have this cluttering my brain. I need to excise Ellis and these tiny inklings of doubt once and for all.
“Well, now you owe me one,” I say, biting down on my lip, looking at him with big innocent eyes.
His eyes follow my lips then look up at me, amused. “Oh, do I?”
“Yes. Are you ready for…dinner with the Parks?”
A flash of white teeth then he reaches out to hold my hand. “Darling. Yes. I’d be honored.”
“You sure?” I ask, squeezing his hand. “It’s not just my grandparents. It’s Sunny and Stu and Emoni. And probably Mar and her family.”
“Sounds perfect,” he says, not missing a beat.
I appreciate him so much in that moment, I stretch across the space between us to throw my arms around him. “Thank you,” I say into his neck. He smells like a spicy aftershave that I’ve grown used to smelling on my sheets. “It means a lot to me.”
“Well, then it means a lot to me.”
“Are we on the same page, then?” I ask a little nervously.
He pulls back to look at me, pushing my hair out of my eyes. “And what page is that?”
“I…I want a big, grand love story.” Saying it out loud takes effort, takes something from me. It’s a yearning that, as a woman, you learn to keep locked tight. Because to reveal it would make you feel like you’re wearing your organs outside your skin.
Daniel’s smile is gentle in the harsh daylight. “You should have a grand love story.”
It’s the reassurance I need—what I had been hoping for the past few weeks, a yearning I’d been skirting around. “Does next weekend work?”
“On one condition,” he says. My heart jumps to my throat and then he says, “Will you help me pick out what to wear?”
—
“They’re gonna love him, he’s gonna love them,” Mar says over the phone. I’m putting on my jeans, getting ready for the big dinner, and Mar is on speakerphone.
Betty squawks at her from her perch on my dresser. I grab a black leather rope belt and loop it through my white jeans. “You’re right. But I feel like vomiting, nonetheless.”
“It’s just because of the whole wedding thing.” Mar knows all about what happened, obviously.
I pull on a white cotton T-shirt. “Ellis made it clear he still cares for me. And when I’m around him, it’s hard for me not to feel the same way for him.
I need to stop living in this in-between zone and just fully commit to this future with Daniel, so that there’s no room for me to think about Ellis.
I know that having my family together and seeing him with them—it’ll confirm that all is right in the world. That we’re fated to be together.”
She’s quiet for a second. “You’re putting a lot of pressure on this dinner, Cass.”
“I know.” I look at my reflection, my hair down and loose over this all-white ensemble that I’m hoping will signal a fresh new start or something. “But I’ve been avoiding it too long anyway. Why? It’s time. Just rip it off like a—”
“Band-Aid, yeah. You’ve said that, like, ten times to me already.”
“Sorr-reeee. See you there.”
After we hang up, Daniel texts that he’s on his way.
I put Betty back in her cage and wait for him on the porch, the sky a dusty blue as we approach sunset.
As I often do when I sit on our porch—the wind chimes my mom made tinkling from the eaves—I think about my mom.
This time, about how she would feel about Daniel.
She’d probably like him. He’s basically every parent’s dream spouse for their kid. But she’d like Ellis, too.
In fact, she’d probably love Ellis. And that’s why she ended up with my dad instead of her fated.
Daniel pulls up in his very clean BMW and I climb in.
“Let’s see the fit,” I say. He preens for me—in a crisp, short-sleeved button-up with skinny brown stripes.
He’s wearing white jeans and dark brown boat shoes.
We look like we’re going to an engagement photo shoot.
I almost make a joke of it but decide that is a joke best left to myself.
“Oh, look at these,” I say when I spot a giant bouquet of hydrangeas in the back seat. Cream blooms edged in sky blue. “They’re beautiful.”
“Do you think Halmoni will like them?” he asks a little nervously.
I touch his hand and smile. “She’ll love them. Don’t worry, they already love you.”
“I highly doubt that,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh. “We barely spoke two words at LACMA.”
Oh, if he only knew.