Chapter 45
For some reason, I want to see Betty when I get home.
I drop my bag on my dining room table and open her cage. She must sense something in my mood because instead of screaming at me and flying away in indignation, she hops to the back of a chair. I pet her, her feathers soft like velvet.
“You have no idea what the past twenty-four hours have been like,” I say to her.
She tilts her head and just stares at me with her beady little eyes.
I scratch under her chin fondly. I remember Betty loving my mom.
I was a little nuisance in Betty’s life, loud and fighting for her favorite person’s attention, but my mom was her entire world.
It occurs to me that she probably also knew my dad.
After pouring myself a giant glass of ice water, I walk out onto my back deck. The night sky is a little hazy, but the moonlight is still bright. I call Mar.
The sound of jackhammering greets me before Mar shouts out, “Cass? Hold on a sec.” Some more noise and then it’s quieter when she says, “Sorry, I’m at the new space.”
It’s almost ten p.m. “Still? Are they even allowed to do that loud work this late?”
“No, but they’re behind so…they’re cutting corners, now.” Her voice is tense.
“If this is a bad time to talk I can call you later.”
As if sensing something, Mar says, “It’s fine, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I say, looking out into the scrubby canyon below, catching the movement of some small animal between the bushes.
Her silence prods me to be truthful. “Kind of. How long are you going to be at the restaurant?”
“All night,” she says with a sigh. “We found something majorly wrong with the plumbing.”
“Do you mind if I come by then?”
“Right now? Isn’t it past your bedtime already?”
I think about all the times she’s driven straight to my house the past couple months to deal with my bullshit. “Yeah, I can bring a midnight snack?”
Less than an hour later, I arrive in Abbot Kinney with tacos from a nearby taco truck.
Marcella and I sit in the room that will soon be the main dining area of her new restaurant.
The beautiful casement steel windows facing Abbot Kinney are covered in butcher paper, and the space is lit by the overhead lamps.
The tables have finally been set up and we’re sitting down in the very middle of the room.
Most of the workers have left for the night.
While Mar starts opening up the foil packets I blurt out, “I met my dad.”
The color completely leaves her face. I have never seen Mar look like this before. “What?” she whispers. “When? And are you okay?”
“Yes.” I nod firmly. Then my eyes fill up with tears. “No. Not really. I found out…Oh my god. Can I have some wine, too?”
Mar rushes over to the kitchen and comes back with an open bottle of red and two glasses. After taking a sip, I say, “Sunny came over to tell me that my mom’s fated was my dad.”
“Wait…” Mar is processing. “But that can’t be?”
“I know. Apparently, despite him being Mom’s fated, my dad still left and the romance didn’t work out.
Which means what the fuck even are fateds?
What does any of this mean? Oh, and my dad has been in touch with Sunny over the years to ask about me and she never told me?
And because of all that—she gave me my dad’s info and I went to go meet him. ”
It’s a lot to take in, I should know, and Mar needs a second, running her hands through her hair. “Okay, so…your dad, then. Did he confirm all of this?”
“Yeah, I literally showed up to his house in Michigan—”
“What!”
“I know, I know. I flew to Michigan and came back home within twenty-four hours.”
“Christ, Cass!” Mar is looking at me, again, with concern and wonder. “You’ve never ever done anything like that in your entire life.”
“Yeah. Did you know same-day flights cost so much money? Anyway. I showed up to his really nice, normal house in Michigan that he shares with his wife. Rachel. She’s an artist, too, like Mom was. And really cool despite me showing up totally unannounced.”
“I want to know so much about Rachel, but I understand we need to get to the point.”
“Yes, we do.” And I give her the rundown—the confirmation of my family lying to me all these years.
When I’m done, she’s staring off into the distance. “Oka-a-a-y,” she says slowly. “Well, this must happen, right? There’s no way that all fated matches end in happily ever after.”
I stare at her, my mouth falling open. “Mar? THAT IS THE ENTIRE POINT.” How many times must I say this to people?
“Huh.” She falls back in her seat. “I honestly always thought that was just, like, rounding out the averages.”
“What!” I feel literally insane. Nothing in my life is making sense anymore—everything, every truth I held dear is crumbling around me. “Knowing my fated was out there, that everything would go right when I found him—that’s been everything.”
Mar seems to sober up immediately. “Oh, babe. I know but I was always hoping you would see the light.”
I scoff. “That’s not condescending at all.”
“I’m just saying, I thought once you met Daniel, or reached a certain age or whatever—I thought you’d find some flexibility within this…prophecy.” She reaches over and squeezes my arm.
“Flexibility? What would that even look like when fate is involved?”
She looks at me with concern. “Cass. It means you find out who it is, you meet them, and then you decide, as a free-will-having human being, whether or not you want to be with them.”
It’s like being knocked over the head. “I guess I was a true believer. There was no wiggle room for me. It was the most concrete, steadying force in my life. And then my dad…”
She gives me a beat. “Do you want to talk about it? I mean…that’s…huge.”
It takes me a second to know if I want to talk about it. With my dad—it’s all so many things at once. “It was surreal. And. I don’t know. Sad.”
“And shocking, too, I bet.”
“Yeah. It was a lot. And he left the door open for getting to know each other.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Not sure. I feel like, first, I have to sort out this fated puzzle with my family. With Daniel and Ellis. Oh my god, what is my life?!” I take a couple deep breaths.
“I don’t know. After that, then, maybe…I can think of accepting him back into my life?
” I pause. “He didn’t have kids after me.
I think, in some ideal version of the world, I would just forgive him and start a relationship.
But I have no idea if I want that. It feels like a betrayal to my mom.
” I poke at my carne asada. “But he knew Mom when she was younger, I would love to know more about that. And, well, he is my only living parent now.”
She nods. “But don’t forget, you always have your grandparents, too.”
Their betrayal stings deeply and my anger at them rushes through me again. “I’m so, so mad at them.”
“I get that. But don’t you think you need to give them a chance to explain themselves? They love you. That kind of love—they would throw themselves off a cliff before hurting you.” A wry smile. “Intentionally, anyway.”
“I’ve been avoiding them, but I know I have to face them.”
She finally takes a big bite of her taco. “Soon,” she says through the food in her mouth.
I take a breath. “I know. There’s just something else I need to do first.”