Chapter 51 #2
He’s shy suddenly, hands tucked into pockets, shoulders up near his ears. But then he slides a glance at me and says, “I don’t think I could have set out on my own if I hadn’t met you.”
A soft warmth spreads through me. “What do you mean? You could have done it anytime.”
He smiles. “See? There it is. That unshakable confidence in me. That’s it.”
I think of his parents, their concern about him. But their pride and love, too. “You have tons of people in your life who believe in you.”
“I’m sure I do. But you were the person who stepped in at the exact time I needed the nudge to think bigger.
” His shoulders relax and his smile turns intimate.
“Just watching you and how you move through the world, with so much assurance—it’s inspiring.
The last thing I want to do is point out our age difference here, but you kind of gave me a new definition of adulthood.
One that is filled with people you love, a job that invigorates you—just full of pleasure and meaning. ”
This leaves me speechless. I feel my cheeks flush, my body warm from the inside out. To be so seen by this man. In the face of such a compliment I can only joke, “Maybe you need more forty-year-olds in your life.”
“I like the one I have, thanks.”
We look at each other in the soft light of the courtyard. He clears his throat. “So, yeah—all that to say, thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I say quietly.
He leads me to the middle of the courtyard, by the walnut tree. “Did you…Did you think of the Betty statue for my mom? And her favorite plant?” I ask.
A flush creeps up his neck before he nods. This man, this man who blushes. “Feathery Cassia,” he says softly.
“It’s…perfect,” I say quietly.
His eyes soften. “I didn’t just come here to show you the garden.”
My blood rushes through my ears. “Oh?”
He gets in close. “When we first met—I felt like someone literally hit me over the head with a cartoon hammer.” A smile hovers over his lips.
I laugh but am on the verge of crying. “Um, that’s because you saw a grown woman fall off her bike.”
“Yes, and it was the best moment of my life,” he says quietly. “I drove to Beverly Hills to find you. Casual.”
“The west side and everything.”
“And everything,” he says, his voice low. “Then, when you asked me to come over…I couldn’t believe it. I was so happy. It was the best weekend of my fucking life. And, I think it might have been one of yours, too.”
It’s bold and he knows it, his face flushing a little.
But of course he’s right. “But then you walked away from that, and right to Daniel. And yet, we just kept being drawn together. And I kept getting hurt.” He meets my eyes then and I wish I could undo all the things that caused that look.
“When you showed me the paper with Daniel’s name, it explained so much, but it didn’t take away the hurt or the doubt—I mean, what if you changed your mind again?
You told me you loved me, and it was so exactly what I wanted to hear, but I needed time…
I needed to sort through it all. And then instead I just kept remembering.
Remembering all the things I love about you,” he says.
I take in a sharp breath.
He pulls me in close. “I love how confident you are when you walk into a room. I love the insane way you organize your vinyl and that you taught a seven-year-old how to load a record. I love your terrible Yoda impression. I love how well you take care of the people in your life and your beautiful home and your cranky bird. I love pretty much every physical part of you to the point of craziness. Even that mole that you’re self-conscious about.
I haven’t been able to think of touching anyone else ever since I touched you.
And…I love the way you…believe in love so much that it’s your job.
” Our faces are so close now, I can feel his breath on my skin.
“I love you, Cassia. I really fucking do.”
It’s hard to talk around the lump in my throat, the beating of my heart. “I love you, too, Ellis.”
“Say it again, please,” he says, his mouth curving up into a smile.
“I love you.” I pull in closer. I kiss his neck. “I love you.” My lips graze up to his ear. “I love you,” I whisper into it. And finally, I drag my lips to his mouth, and they hover right above his when I say, “I love you.”
When Ellis presses his mouth to mine, I feel his love in the tender brush of his lips, the sweep of his tongue. He pulls me into his arms and the kiss deepens. A breeze kicks up and he wraps his arms tighter, cocooning me as we make up for lost time.
When we finally pull apart, he rests his forehead on mine, catching his breath. “I have a lot of questions about this past-life stuff by the way.”
“I would be surprised if you didn’t.”
“I mean, you realize you’re kind of a witch?” he says, and I can feel his smile against my cheek.
“I prefer ‘shaman.’ ”
He lets out a cute snort-laugh and there’s nothing more perfect than this moment.
I feel the potential of it all—the love that overwhelms everything else.
In Ellis, I do feel steadiness—it’s in the unwavering way he loves me.
He’s steadiness mixed with the recklessness of entrusting someone with your entire heart. He’s home and he’s adventure.
“So, when are you going to read my face?” he asks as he tugs playfully on a lock of my hair.
I look into his beautiful face. My eyes caress every part of it. “There’s no rush.”
“We do have a long night ahead of us,” he says, tucking my head under his as I stay wrapped around him.
My lips brush against his throat. “We have an entire lifetime. And maybe more.”
His grip tightens. “I’ll settle for this one.”