Chapter Ten
Hadley
“God bless America, he stinks!” Lucy pinched her nose and scowled at her brother like he was an abomination. Eli’s response was to kick up his feet, blowing tiny spit bubbles.
I grinned as I picked him up from the bassinet in the living room. “Your poop doesn’t smell like roses,” I informed her.
“I poop in the potty though. I’m better than Bubby, ain’t I, Mommy?”
Oh, dear God.
This was the way it’d been since I brought Eli home. Lucy didn’t like sharing my attention. “Do you want to help me change him?” I asked her. She scrunched up her nose and jumped away from the sofa as I sat down with Eli. “I did this with you too. When Eli gets old enough, he’ll use the potty too.”
She shrugged. “Will you play ponies with me?”
“Yeah, go get them.” She ran to her bedroom. The apartment only had two bedrooms, so Eli’s crib was in my bedroom. Not that I was comfortable enough to put him in a different room, anyway. Lucy might sleep in her room one or two nights out of the week. And often she found her way in bed with me .
I threw Eli’s diaper away and washed my hands, and then, he got fussy.
It was like clockwork. Eli always wanted a boob every three hours.
I also used a pump. Five weeks in, and my nipples were constantly hard and tender.
Hopefully, in another week or so, they would be tougher because the cream I rubbed on them didn’t help much.
I couldn’t remember how long it had taken with Lucy, but I swore it didn’t seem this long.
I tried to feed Eli just as much with a bottle as I did a breast since Mom would keep him the nights I worked like she did Lucy.
Scott was annoying me to death since Eli was born.
I let him sleep on the chair the last night at the hospital only because he put the idea in Lucy’s head.
He’d used the opportunity to play nice, constantly asking if I needed this or that.
I didn’t fall prey even if it had felt a little decent.
Hey, I was only human, and I still wanted affection sometimes.
No, I wouldn’t take him back. I simply realized that I hadn’t died on the inside.
His family drove me crazy too. All I heard from them at the hospital was, You guys are a family, you need to be together.
They never missed a chance to say, Scott never sees Lucy.
It’ll be the same with Eli. It didn’t matter that it was Scott’s fault, not mine.
Of course, they didn’t hesitate with, Everyone makes mistakes. You need to let it go.
Family this. Family that. They thought I should forgive him and move on, but I couldn’t do it.
My family was one-hundred-percent on my side when it came to Scott.
They didn’t want me with him. It might be harsh, but they wouldn’t care if he weren’t in my kids’ lives.
Olivia’s friend had gotten pregnant in high school, and I could remember how her parents had encouraged her to give her baby’s father another chance after whatever it was he did.
Years later and more kids, he broke her all over again.
Not everyone was lucky enough to have parents like mine that were so willing to help or even want to, but I could say with complete certainty that mine was looking out for my happiness .
They thought I could do better. I spent years with Scott thinking they were wrong until he proved how right they were. Did I really want to be with someone that I’d never be able to trust again just to please his family?
No!
Thank fudge I didn’t have to see them a lot. They were quick to criticize, but none of them ever came around even when Scott and I were together. I just had to accept that they would always drag my name through the sewer.
“God bless America.” I raised my head in time to see Lucy smacking her palm to her forehead. “Why is Bubby always so hungry?”
I glanced down at where Eli nestled against my right boob sucking. “I thought we were playing ponies?” I asked her.
She tossed her hands up dramatically. “He’s making me remember my tummy growled earlier.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “What do you want to eat?”
“Can it be something other than pizza?” Lucy knew that were only two things in our house—pizza and cheap snacks. It wouldn’t be for much longer. Soon, I’d buy enough to cram our refrigerator full of all of her favorites. “Want to go to Mamaw’s?”
“Yes!”
“Here. Call and tell her to make us some food, and we’ll come to see her.” I grabbed my cell phone off of the coffee table, dialed her number, and handed it to Lucy.
My kid had my parents wrapped around her finger better than I ever could.
Thirty minutes later we were heading out the door—it took that long to get Lucy and Eli ready, not to mention myself.
I settled for a pair of jeans I hadn’t worn since before I’d gotten pregnant and a T-shirt that fit too snugly over my engorged breasts.
God Bless America —these babies were huge even with a nursing bra on.
I wasn’t really going to miss them when they went back to normal…
If they went back to normal. Could my breasts stay perky much longer?
They were doing okay, but I wasn’t feeling confident.
My breasts were enormous this time around.
Stop.
It didn’t matter what became of my once perfect breasts. I had Eli and Lucy—they were worth it. Even if my boobs never appealed to a guy again.
Carrying Eli in his car seat, I made sure Lucy walked in front of me instead of beside me so that neither of us tripped down the stairs.
“Looking good, mama,” one of the young boys yelled as we descended the last step.
He couldn’t have been more than fourteen yet that didn’t stop him from hooting and hollering at me every time they saw me. He ogled my chest. “Wow, really nice.”
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” I asked. It was a weekday in April. It wasn’t even noon, but there he was with two other school-age boys.
“I go when I wanna go,” he said it like he was so proud.
“Look, Mom.” Lucy pointed toward our neighbor’s yard. Sure enough, there he was stepping out of his house and locking it. “It’s…uh…”
“Elijah,” I told her.
“Elijah.” She probably caught herself from saying demon or something. Anything was possible with my kid.
“Stop pointing.”
Now that I thought about it, this was usually around the time he left every day.
I didn’t know what he did or if he even had a job, but he drove off at the same time, somewhere between eleven and twelve.
I knew because I spent the last five weeks spying down at everyone from my window when we weren’t at my parents’ .
Elijah must have a job though. He could afford a house and nice truck yet he wore casual clothes out all the time.
Dark jeans and plain T-shirts ranging from solid colors to morbid things like demons and skulls.
It was kind of odd, more scary than strange though.
It matched the permanent arch of his brows and angry glint in his eyes far too well.
Sometimes he wore brown boots, other times he wore dark Nikes.
I’d had a lot of days to ogle him.
A few days after I’d come home, I thought about saying thanks, but I was pretty sure I did in the car that night. I figured he’d rather we leave him alone. That was perfectly okay with me. I still hadn’t forgotten how he treated Lucy, but he came in handy that night.
I shuddered to think about what might have happened if I tried getting to the hospital myself or waited any longer for my parents.
“Uh... He sees me.” Lucy squeaked. I glanced up. Sure enough, Elijah was headed directly toward us. “Does he want his chips back? I already ate them all.”
“What?” Now I was the one squeaking as I frowned at my daughter.
“Papaw let me have them,” she told me.
Of course, Elijah would have thrown the bag in the car when he had gotten inside that night.
I hadn’t really paid attention. “I already ate them!” Lucy told him as he drew near.
He paused, cocked his head at her, and then resumed his long strides toward us.
He was a foot in front of me when he glimpsed down at the car seat in my hand.
His eyes raked over me slowly, lingering for a moment on my chest before moving over the rest of my body.
How dare he check me out in broad daylight?
He could have at least offered a proper greeting first.
My face was on fire. No doubt, it was redder than the T-shirt Lucy wore. It only got worse when I saw the moment his gazed stayed on my breasts. His dark predatory eyes widened.
I couldn’t take it another second.
“Oh, my fudgesicle! What do you think you’re doing now?”
Elijah blinked, then blinked again. “Huh?”
Are you kidding me? Did he really zone out while ogling my boobs?
“You’re staring… again. ” I didn’t mention the inappropriateness of his actions. He should have known better. I switched Eli’s car seat to my other hand as it got too heavy.
“Sorry.” He grabbed the tips of his hair that fell over his forehead before pinching the bridge of his nose. “I saw you guys and thought I’d check to see how you are.”
Really?
“Why?” My spine stiffened as I sized him up, trying to decipher his intention.
“That was scary as fuck. I thought you would have the baby in the car.” He peeked into the car seat again. “Is it okay?”
“It?” Deep breath, Hadley . “Eli’s a boy, and he’s perfectly healthy.”
“Yeah, that’s good.” He paused. “Wait? Eli? Good name.” He better not be thinking his name was similar to Eli’s.
I meant, it was but… I’m sorry Eli, I didn’t want to change your name even after finding out yours was similar to the neighbor’s.
Besides, Olivia already had his name embroidered on so many onesies.
“Thanks,” I told him.
Elijah grabbed his head like he was unsure—or completely confused about something before he took a step back. “Then I’ll be going.” He shook his head again as he turned around.