Chapter Thirty
Elijah
I was a fucking goner.
I knew I was a poor helpless fool when it came to Hadley. But now I was a total never-going-back-to-the-way-I-was type of goner. Touching Hadley… Tasting her… I couldn’t believe she’d given me that kind of permission.
Hadley and her family consumed my thoughts. All I wanted to do was be around them.
I stayed up until two talking and laughing with Hadley before she finally dozed off with Eli between us.
Her blonde hair was loose and spilled all over the pillow and bedcovers as she smiled at Eli and spoke to him and me.
I was mesmerized further after I knew how she felt and tasted.
How right her body was draped across or beneath mine.
I was wild about her, fully dedicated to her and Lucy and the chubby butterball between us.
I hadn’t missed the way Hadley’s eyes darted nervously over to the door every so often before she finally slept.
She worried about Lucy waking and seeing me.
I wouldn’t let her nervous energy scare me away though.
I knew what I was getting into, and I wanted it even more because of it.
Once Hadley saw that I wasn’t going anywhere, ever , I hoped that she wouldn’t hide me from Lucy.
I didn’t just want Hadley. I wanted all three of them.
I awakened stiff and cramped a few hours later. Terrified of rolling over onto Eli, I didn’t budge an inch. Something strange happened when I looked at him. My world came full circle and showed me what I was missing.
Hadley sighed drowsily and swatted at her clock on her nightstand, catching my attention. It was cute how her eyes blinked as she looked toward Eli with a tender expression. Then they widened when she realized I was still there.
Yeah… I wanted more moments like that.
After dropping Lucy and Eli off at her parents and driving Hadley to work, I came home and the same thought replayed in my head until it was time to head to the parlor.
I wanted it.
At work, I tattooed and joked around. But every thought I had was of Hadley and me and everything in between.
I wanted it.
I left work an hour early to pick up Hadley from work.
When I saw her walking out the entrance in a pair of dark gray The Flintstones scrubs, my world tilted on its axis.
I swallowed my tongue as her gaze landed on mine.
Shyly, she lifted her hand and waved, something she had never done before.
Which meant she was still carrying around that nervous energy.
Fucking shit. I was too .
That cute, messy bun wrapped atop her head was doing shit to my brain. I thought about removing the band and watching her silky strands tumble across her shoulders as I bent her over and—
I leaned across the console and opened the passenger door before she did.
“Hey.” She sounded a little breathy as she jumped in.
“How are you even more beautiful than when I dropped you off this morning?” I asked her seriously.
She blushed as she buckled up. “Stop. I didn’t even feel like doing anything to my face this morning I was so tired.”
“I’m a little upset that it wasn’t because of me.” Eli took all the credit for that. She laughed. I reached out and grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers as I pulled out of the parking lot.
“Elijah.” I didn’t like the tone of her voice. It gave me something akin to heartburn. I never thought about what would happen if she regretted last night. What if she pulled away completely? No Hadley. No Lucy. No Eli.
I forgot how to breathe while my heart momentarily stopped at the idea of her…
This had to be what dying felt like. The idea of losing what wasn’t mine in the first place.
“Don’t,” I said, holding her hand more firmly in mine. “Don’t look or sound regretful. I know you’re a mom, and you’ve got plenty of shit to worry about. I’m going to be here. With your kids. Even if it means I never get to take you out on a first date alone, I want to be here with you.”
My chest grew tight as she pulled her hand out of mine.
“Lucy really likes you. I just don’t want to ruin that friendship she has with you and what you have with us.
I’m scared.” I glanced over at her and saw the glassy look in her eyes.
“I’m scared of losing our friend Elijah when things go south. ”
I grabbed her hand again, unable to bear her fears screaming at me. “Why can’t I be both? I can be everything you need. As far as things going south? That will never happen.”
She didn’t remove her hand, but from the corner of my eye I saw her turning toward the window. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do because the only way I’d ever leave you guys alone is if you’d ask that of me.”
I felt her gaze on me now. “What is it you want from me?”
Lifting her hand to my lips, I kissed her knuckles. I glanced at Hadley and said, “Everything.”
She finally whispered, “You sound real.”
“Baby, I am real.” I placed our hands on my lap.
“I want whatever you can give me. If what you need for me to do is take a step back, I will but I’m still going to come running every time Lucy calls, and I’m most certainly going to flirt with you every chance I get.
Even if you don’t let me into that tight pussy again for a while, I’m not going anywhere. ”
I saw her squeeze her legs together as she placed her hand on her forehead. “I just need to think of Lucy and Eli and what this would do to them.”
______
For two days and two long evenings, Hadley made me keep my hands to myself. I could see the wheels turning in her head, How do we go back to before Elijah had me for a meal on my kitchen table?
It was amusing to watch the vigorous way she cleaned it the next day.
When she caught me observing her from my spot on the sofa beside Lucy, her cheeks turned bright red and she kicked me out.
With blonde strands falling from her bun and still wearing scrubs, Hadley looked almost feral as she shoved me through the door.
“Stop that,” she scolded me .
“Stop what?” I pinned her with a smoldering stare, but she shut it, anyway.
I knew she was afraid. I saw it in her eyes, but I also saw how much she wanted to have me.
For an independent woman who’d been hurt, the idea of being with me possibly terrified Hadley.
I was safe as her friend Elijah… Next-door neighbor who her daughter liked Elijah…
Well, I wanted more. I wanted to come home to them one day.
I wanted to be always there Elijah … Never leaving Elijah…
Husband Elijah… Stepdad Elijah… Forever Elijah …
The next evening was no different. Okay, it was a little crankier than usual.
I picked her up, told her how gorgeous she was, and took her to pick up the kids at her parents’.
She lit into me for buckling Lucy in wrong and then pushed me aside so she could fix it.
She was even more annoyed when I hovered to see what I was doing wrong.
Eli was fussy, Lucy was hangry, and their mother was fussing at all of us.
Lucy wanted candy. I got in trouble for stopping at a gas station to get her some. Hadley took the candy and held it for ransom until Lucy ate when we got to the apartment. At that point, I hadn’t said much. The deep scowl on Hadley’s pretty face let me know she was itching to fight with me.
I knew what she was doing. She was sabotaging. She didn’t know what to do with me. She couldn’t understand what I was doing there with them. She watched me with terror in her eyes.
All I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and assure her I wasn’t leaving. I wish I could take away all her insecurities that her asshole of an ex gave her, but I knew it didn’t work that way. The only thing I could do was show her, but that could only happen if she let me in.
“What are you still doing here?” Hadley snapped as she stood at the stove, flipping burgers .
Lucy looked up from the coloring book, dropping her crayon dramatically. “Why are you being mean to Elijah?”
Hadley blinked at her daughter and blubbered, “I’m not.”
“Yeah-huh. Elijah’s been buckling me in since the last time you showed him, and you yelled at him, saying he did it wrong. Then you yelled at him for getting me candy.”
“You need to eat first,” Hadley sighed.
“You’re grumpy,” Lucy said, picking up a purple crayon.
Hadley gawked at her like she wanted to say something, but she seemed to think about it, sighed, and then turned toward the stove. Eli cried. Feeling brave, I stood from my chair. “I’ll get him.”
Hadley twisted around and narrowed her eyes. “I’ll get him,” she said, like I knew she would. I followed her the few feet it took to grab him out of his bassinet in the living room.
“Elijahhh,” she dragged out my name as she cradled Eli.
“You need to chill,” I whispered, pushing the loose hairs off the side of her face and forehead.
“ You need to chill,” she deflected.
I sighed. “You’re so obvious.”
“ What?” she hissed.
“You’re trying to make me change how I feel.” I gripped her shoulders. “Baby, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t work that way. I want you no matter what.” I tilted my head and smirked. “Especially like this. I can help loosen you up…”
“Shh,” she hissed. “What if Lucy hears you?”
“Nothing’s changed. This has been happening for a while now, you and I.”
“You need to go. ”
“Okay,” I mumbled, removing my hands. Before I left, I said, “I’m scared, too, Hadley, but not the way you think. My fear comes from your not giving me a chance before we even begin.”
Hadley would never understand how she twisted me into knots. Could she honestly say that she didn’t want to try with me? Normally, I never doubted myself, but she had me all kinds of fucked-up.
At least Lucy was disappointed that I was leaving.