Chapter Forty
Hadley
“Mommy, stop crying,” Lucy hugged her knees as she continued watching me from the floor. She hadn’t left that spot since we got home.
I finally answered Scott’s call once we were inside the apartment, only for me to drown out everything he yelled in my ear.
I was mentally drained after listening to him.
It had been hours, and Scott still harassed me with phone calls and texts.
Everything had been perfect. We were having a great time until Lilly saw us shopping with Elijah.
The longer I sat there, the more confused I was as to why it was such a problem for them that Elijah was in our life.
It wasn’t fair that Scott had nothing to do with Lucy and Eli but got mad when someone else did something with them.
Why did I have to experience all this turmoil and fear? Why did I have to worry that someone would come and take them away when they were happiest when with me?
I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t even be threatened by their father and grandma like that .
But realizing that only made me cry more.
More text messages came in. I was hesitant to pick up my phone and view them thinking it was going to be Scott.
Elijah: I’m worried. Will you please let me come up?
Elijah: I can’t stand knowing that you’re up there crying over something that’s not even worth crying over.
You big buffoon. Why did he have to be so hot-headed? I loved that he defended me but hated the way he spoke to Lucy’s grandma right in front of her.
Elijah: Is Lucy mad that I yelled at her meme?
I peered down at Lucy after reading his texts. She stared at me with round eyes. “It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” I asked.
“When are we going to Elijah’s?” she asked instead.
“We’re going to stay here tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because…”
She frowned. “You said I could always see Elijah if I wanted to, no matter what anyone says.”
“I never said you couldn’t.”
“Then why are you crying?”
I sighed. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“I don’t want to go to Meme Lilly’s anymore!” She jumped up suddenly and ran off. I got up and followed her. She was belly-first on her bed.
“I’m not making you go to your meme’s house.” I sat down beside her and patted her back .
“I hate it there! All they do is say mean stuff about you, and it hurts my feelings!”
I always knew they would talk about me, but what I never understood was how much it hurt my little girl. It felt like a knife straight into my heart.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered.
“Because I didn’t want to make your feelings hurt too.” She sniffled. I wiped my eyes and scooped her up in my arms. She hugged me tightly.
“Shh. It’s okay.” I rubbed her head. “I won’t ever make you. I’m sorry. I just wanted you to spend time with your dad.”
“He’s never there!”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to go there now.” Her head lifted, red, puffy eyes stared at me. I smiled. “Let’s go back into the living room with Bubby.” She nodded and let me carry her. “What do you want to eat?”
“Pancakes?” She shrugged hesitantly.
“At seven in the evening? Sounds good to me!”
_____
“It’s dark out now,” Lucy whispered as she stared out the window.
“It’s close to bedtime now,” I told her as I nursed Eli.
“When are we going to Elijah’s?” She asked for the hundredth time. “He’s waiting on us.”
“Let’s give him a break.” I wasn’t feeling too good about the way I’d treated him.
The more I replayed it in my head, the more I liked that he just stepped in.
Lilly was the one being ridiculous. Every harsh word Elijah said was the truth.
And Lucy… She never once spoke of being upset with him.
The only thing she was worried about was going to his house .
Oh, fudge. I was emotional and stressed. I just wanted Elijah to make it all better, even though I was the one to cause the situation. I let my anxiety and worry over Lilly seep in and ruin the happiness I’d felt with that man.
That had to stop. I had to stop letting Scott destroy our lives. He had no right.
“Why do you want to go over to his house?” I asked Lucy.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just like when Elijah’s with us.”
“Lucy, why do you like Elijah so much?”
“He buys me stuff.”
I chuckled. “You’re rotten.”
“Can we go now?” She grabbed my arm and pulled. “I’m going to tell him you’ve been crying.” She dropped my arm. “Give me your phone. I’m calling and telling him.”
“Is that supposed to scare me?” I asked her with a smirk.
“No. It’s to make you stop crying. Elijah will stop the tears.”
I didn’t even question my four-year-old. She was right.
“Go put on some pj’s while I change Bubby.”
Her eyes twinkled. “Are we going to Elijah’s?”
How could I be so foolish to let one confrontation make me feel so terrible? Look how happy Lucy was… We were all happier when I was with Elijah.
“Yeah, we are.”
She jumped up and down. Unease coursed through my body as I changed Eli. I didn’t bother to change my clothes. All I could think about was how Elijah must have felt when I abruptly pulled away the first time something bad happened.
I was ashamed, and the need to cry was present all over again .
I held Lucy’s hand on the way since it was dark out. I probably should have told him we were coming over but just getting us all together again was all that mattered in the end.
My knuckles tapped on the door twice before I dropped my hand to my side and gripped Lucy’s hand again. Nervous jitters swam in my stomach when I heard his giant footsteps nearing the door.
Our eyes met the second he opened the door, and in the process, all my anger seemed childish and absurd.
The few short hours I’d spent away from Elijah felt like a lifetime, and seeing him then…
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and drank me in, like he was surprised and happy I came that night.
That was all it took for the tears to spring from my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked out right before his big, comforting arms enclosed around Eli and me.
“Thank fuck. I was on my way out. Was going to break in if I had to. You expected me to sleep alone now when I’m so used to being next to you?
” His mouth was hot at my ear and his voice was a raspy whisper, making my skin tingle and burn as I pressed my wet face into his shoulder.
Eli babbled incoherently as he pulled at Elijah’s shirt.
“Me too!” Lucy pulled at my pants leg.
Elijah bent down and scooped her up. “You too.”
Her little arms went around Elijah and me and honestly, this moment was the best ever . “All together again,” Lucy said cheerily, and I laughed, getting all choked up in the feelings that were so good they’d make anyone cry.
There was a lot of crying that night.
As I stared up at Elijah’s stubbled chin, and then his dark eyes came into view and softened as he smiled at Lucy, everything was good again.
Nothing was ever wrong with us to begin with.
Elijah did something I wished I had the nerve to do— talk back.
I promised myself on the walk over there that I’d learn to stop letting people have control over how I felt about myself.
I knew it would take time. Good thing I had Elijah around.
I was suddenly more than okay with him standing up for me, I was so tired of doing everything by myself.
Without words, he said every day with his actions, “ I got you,” and my brain was finally catching up to my heart. I believed in him wholly.
“We watching a movie?” he asked Lucy.
“Yes!”
“One,” I told them. “Then we have to go to bed.”
“Yay!”