Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Scarlett
There is a moment in every person’s life where a transition meant the end, the beginning, or an absence of both.
I hadn’t said a word when that mother and her son had been there.
There hadn’t been anything for me to say.
Hudson had stood up for himself in a way, and yet hated himself in every other way.
I had wanted to do something, to help, but what was there for me to do?
The day was Michelle’s birthday, the woman that he had lost. He had lost her long before she had died, but some part of him still reached for her.
Still grieved for her. And I didn’t blame him for that grief.
How could I? I grieved the person I had been before Ronin, the person I had been before I had realized life wasn’t fair.
But it wasn’t the same.
And as Hudson refused to look back, to turn towards me, I realized that this could be the end. All of this could be the end.
So he would walk away now, because he didn’t think he was good enough.
It was funny, because I had been the one to think that for so long. That I wasn’t good enough. That I made terrible choices.
I had fallen in love with him and there was no going back.
But if he didn’t turn around, I knew he would walk away.
So I reached out and pressed my palm to his back. His shoulders stiffened, flinching, and I nearly pulled away.
“Hudson.”
“I forgot it was her birthday today. It’s been how many years? And I forgot. I didn’t even think about her today.”
He turned then, and the ravaged anguish on his face nearly undid me.
“I’m so sorry. I have no idea what to say other than I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t even realize they knew where I lived. Silly, because it’s not like I hide it. I hide from the world, but not from everyone. It’s pretty easy to find me.”
“Do you want to go inside? Let me make you some coffee.”
“I don’t need coffee, Scarlett,” he snapped. My hand dropped and he cursed under his breath before reaching for it.
“I’m sorry. I’m not angry with you, I’m not anything. I just can’t think right now.”
“Then let’s talk it out.” Please, anything. Just talk to me, Hudson.
Though I didn’t say those words out loud.
“What has talking ever done?”
“Maybe it’s doing something. I don’t know. But you’ve told me so much, and yet there has to be something I’m missing. About why they’re here to begin with. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t hurt her.”
“But I wasn’t there. I didn’t kill him when I had a chance.”
My hand went to my mouth and I shook my head.
“You wouldn’t have killed him.” Though I wasn’t quite sure if that was the case.
Because if somebody had hurt someone that I loved, I wasn’t sure what I would do.
If my father came after my mother again, I was afraid I would be the one to end him.
What did that make me? Maybe the person that I needed to be, but then again, this wasn’t about me. Not right now.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t tell you everything. About Michelle.”
Chills slid up my spine and I nodded. “Okay. You can tell me now. You can tell me anything.” I love you.
But it wasn’t the right time to say that. And I was worried that there would never be a time.
“When I found out that Jefferson killed her, and got off on a technicality, I was livid. I was still in a damn sling from being shot, and Flynn couldn’t even hold me back.
So I found him, and I beat him. I tried to kill him, and in the end, I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t kill him. I wanted to. I held his life in my hands, threatening to choke him until he quit breathing, just like he had done to Michelle, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t do that.”
“Because you’re not a murderer, Hudson. You’re not the darkness that you think you are.”
“I could have though. One quick movement and he would’ve been dead. But I let him go.”
“Hudson.”
“Then he came at me with a knife, and I ducked. Instinctively, even in pain because I wasn’t taking my meds after being shot, I ducked.
And Jefferson fell right off the side of the cliff.
Slipped with a single scream that I can still hear in my dreams. A scream that ended abruptly when he hit the jagged rocks below.
He’s dead. Michelle’s dead. Her parents and brother will never forgive me for it.
And it’s been years. Years of this. Years of dreaming of everything that had happened.
So yes, that’s my penance. That’s why I’ve been hiding. ”
Tears began to slide down my cheeks, but then he moved forward and wiped them from my face.
“Don’t cry, Scar. I don’t want any more tears.”
“Then you’re going to get them.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“I don’t know either. I’ve never… I’ve never felt like this before. And I don’t know what I’m doing. Because I thought I trusted someone before, and I was wrong.”
He staggered back as if I’d hit him, and I reached forward, gripping his hand.
“I know you aren’t going to hurt me. I’m not comparing you two. I’m just talking about my feelings, like you’re talking about yours, and I’m all twisted inside, but I don’t want you to blame yourself, Hudson. You didn’t do anything wrong. You have to believe that.”
“I want to. It’s so weird. Because after so many years of you and me fighting, I never thought you’d be the one that I would need to tell me that you trust me. That you believe.”
“I find it ironic as well, because I usually like yelling at you more. But Hudson, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Part of me knows that, and then things like this happen.”
I move forward and reached up to cup his face. I winced though, forgetting I had the cut on my side, and his eyes went stormy.
“Let me get you to bed. You need to rest.”
“As long as we’re okay. Because you told me something that I know you’ve been hiding. That I know has to hurt. And I’m so grateful that you trust me.”
“I trust you with everything, Scarlett.”
My throat tightened. And I knew I needed to tell him I loved him. Soon. Not now. Not when everything was so raw, so shattered.
“I just want you to be okay.”
“That’s what I was thinking about you.”
“Then we’ll figure it out. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about Michelle, about Jefferson. About your dad. About my dad. I feel like we need time away from here. Just to breathe. It’s been ridiculous.”
“Tell me about it. I never expected you, Scarlett Blair.”
His hands were on my face again, and I leaned into his touch.
“You are more than unexpected, Cage.”
He smiled, then, and brushed his lips against mine. I moaned into him, needing him. Trusting him with everything.
It was odd that I could trust him and yet sometimes couldn’t trust myself. But maybe that’s what love was.
“I’m going to tuck you in, okay? You need rest.”
“Are you going to rest with me?” I asked, a frown on my face.
“I will. I just, I need to paint.” He took a step back, running his hands through his hair.
“I know that’s stupid, but whenever things are like this, I just need to paint.
I hate being the whole temperamental artist thing, but sometimes it’s just there.
You know what I mean? I’ll talk to you. I swear I will once I figure shit out. ”
I didn’t take a step back. I didn’t even feel a blow. Because he was telling me his truth. Something I was afraid that he had never told anyone else. Because he trusted me. So I cupped his face and took his lips with mine.
“Okay. But can I sleep in my own bed? After everything that’s happened, I just want my own bed.”
He opened his mouth to say something, and I kissed him again. “And then you can meet me there later.”
He smiled, his shoulders finally relaxing.
“Okay. Let me tuck you in and maybe give you an orgasm. Just saying.”
I threw my head back and laughed, leaning into him. And so we walked hand in hand down to my home, and I let him tuck me in, gently kissing me until I felt safe, at home.
And when he walked away, I knew it wasn’t forever.
Because he allowed me to see part of himself he didn’t show others.
The world was dark, and sometimes felt like an unending twisted pain, but I wasn’t alone.
And I was finally starting to think he understood he wasn’t either.
I nuzzled into my pillow, knowing he would be back soon, and smiled.
When the hand slid over my mouth, I opened my eyes and tried to scream. And then another hand went around my throat, squeezing, and I kicked, shoving, but I couldn’t see his face.
I only heard that deep laugh, and I knew who it was. When he dragged me out of my room, and I tried to scream, tried to reach for the edge of the door so he wouldn’t take me away, I only hoped that Hudson would hear.
“Don’t you dare, you bitch,” Ronin whispered into my ear as he pressed the gun to my side, and I quieted, wondering if Hudson would know I was gone. But I had to believe. I had to trust.
But I was so afraid that Hudson would be the one hurt in the end.
And so I let Ronin drag me away, even as my heart leapt in my throat and tears slid down my cheeks.
And Hudson’s name was the last thing I thought of before Ronin knocked me out, and there was nothing.