Fake Smiles And Sheer Panic
PAIGE
We’d been in the car for an hour and my mother had yet to tell us exactly where we were going. When she informed me we were going shopping, I assumed she meant we’d be heading to Main Street in Ashton Creek.
Instead, she pulled onto the interstate toward the closest city.
She turned into the parking lot of a white building, and my stomach sank when I read the sign above the door.
“We’re buying your wedding dress!” my mom announced with a shimmy. She was so excited to do all these wedding things with me, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it wasn’t real. I couldn’t burst her bubble or let Cash down, but my heart was breaking.
The bell on the door chimed above us as we walked into the bridal boutique.
The store was chic, with white walls and gold accents.
There were multiple stations set up for girls to take selfies and celebrate buying their dream gown.
Rows of white and blush pink gowns lined racks around the room.
In the center of the small store was a cream colored velvet couch in front of a platform surrounded by mirrors.
I tried to calm my racing heart and forced a smile. I could do this.
“Welcome, welcome!” A cheery sales woman came waltzing out onto the sales floor. “I’m Callie and I’ll be helping you all today.” She shook all our hands before turning to me.
“You must be Ms. Paige.”
I nodded as she wrapped me in a hug. She gestured for my mom and Lottie to take a seat on the couch where there was a small table set up with champagne.
We poured drinks before she led me to a private dressing room, handed me a white satin robe, and instructed me to strip and let her know when I was ready.
I was sitting on the little bench in the room when she came bouncing back in. The satin was soft against my trembling legs as I nervously fidgeted with my fingers.
“Okay, Ms. Brooks, what is your vision?”
“Um…” I trailed off.
I’d had ideas about things I wanted for my wedding, sure, but I hadn’t given much thought to the dress, since a month ago I was brutally single. I figured that I would think about it more when a wedding was something I was expecting to happen.
“I’m not really sure.”
“That’s okay. A lot of ladies don’t know what they want when they come in. But rest assured, we will find you something. Since you need the dress today, we have to pull only floor samples, but I’m determined to find you the perfect dress for your big day.”
I thanked her, and she took off to go look for dresses.
Last fall, my mom and I had flown down to Los Angeles to go dress shopping with Lottie.
We made a whole day of it. We got brunch and went to a few different boutiques.
I still remember the look on Lottie’s face when she found her perfect dress.
It was a beautiful moment, and I remember wanting that—but not like this.
The thought made pressure build behind my eyes.
Lottie and I had yet to talk about the fact that I was getting married at the ranch only a few months before her and Owen would be doing the same thing.
My intention was never to steal the attention away from my sister—hell, this wedding wasn’t even my idea—and it was eating me alive not knowing how upset she was.
Callie came back to the dressing room with at least six dresses in hand ranging from ball gowns to sequins to satin.
“Okay, I grabbed a bunch of different styles to try.”
The first dress she put me into made me feel like a cupcake. The top was strapless chiffon that stopped at my natural waist and flowed into a poufy floor-length skirt. For me, it was an immediate no, but I let her drag me out to my mother and sister.
Lottie nearly choked on her champagne to hide her laughter when I stepped onto the platform.
“Oh, Paige,” my mom gushed.
“How do you feel about this one?” Callie asked.
I did a little twirl in the mirror and scrunched my nose. “I think it’s too much. I’m more of a simple girl.”
“I can do simple.” Callie smiled and took my hand to guide me back to the dressing room. She immediately unzipped the dress and had me step out of it.
Something no one tells you about wedding dress shopping is the amount of time you will be practically naked in front of a complete stranger. I respected Callie for being bubbly and utterly unfazed the entire time. I couldn’t imagine the amount of boobs this woman had seen in her lifetime.
She picked out another dress and held it up for me. I froze as I took in the stunning dress. With a light nod, Callie had me turn around and step into it. I ran my fingers over the thick lace that molded perfectly to my body. We stepped out to the main room and Lottie audibly gasped.
When I glanced at myself in the mirror, I knew this was the one.
The dress was a completely sheer bohemian-style lace dress with a tight ivory slip that cut at my mid-thigh. The off-white lace was in a western style and was thick as opposed to the dainty, flowery lace you see on most dresses.
It was long sleeved and skintight, starting at my neck all the way to my knees where the fabric flared slightly. The back was completely open and came to a point right above my ass. It fit me perfectly like a glove and made me feel like a bohemian western princess.
I turned to face the couch and took in both my mother and Lottie blotting their eyes with tissues.
“Fuck, I need a drink if you’re going to cry,” I choked out. “I’m a sympathy crier.”
Lottie stood and handed me a champagne glass.
“It’s perfect,” my mom said through her tears.
It was perfect. It was so perfect that I almost wanted to say I hated it just so I could save it for my real wedding—but I couldn’t do that. They would know something was wrong simply because I couldn’t deny this dress was the most me thing I’d ever put on my body.
“Are you saying yes to the dress?” Callie asked, rocking on her heels with a bright, wide smile.
“Yes,” I said flatly before chugging the rest of my drink.
This was all going to be fine. So what if I was getting my dream wedding dress so I could marry the man I have been obsessed with for my entire life, even though we’re already married and it’s all completely fake?
It’s fine. We’re all fine.
I stepped off the platform and swiftly returned to the dressing room without another word. I needed to get this dress off before I threw up on it. My stomach was in knots as I stripped and changed back into my jean shorts and tank top.
By the time I made it back out to the lobby, my mother had paid for the dress and had the garment bag in hand. She was beaming as we loaded up the car and started on the hour-long drive back home.
It was barely past lunch time when we got home, but I needed a drink ASAP.
I marched into the rec room and grabbed a bottle of tequila from behind the bar.
I placed a shot glass down on the counter, filled it up, and tossed it back without a chaser.
I slammed the glass back on the bartop and leaned both palms on the cold wood, letting my head drop between my arms so I could calm my breathing.
Loud laughter filtered in from outside just before Walker, Axle, Reid, and Cash stumbled into the room. They were all smiling ear to ear—except Walker, who simply looked slightly less grumpy than normal—and didn’t notice me as they entered.
To my confusion, Cash was shirtless with words and images written in Sharpie all over his chest and stomach.
“Paige!” Reid exclaimed when he noticed me standing there.
The boys all cheered like drunk idiots.
“Why are you all shit-faced already? And why are you smiling?” I raised a brow and crossed my arms.
Cash rounded the bar and tugged on my arms, forcing me to drop them before he pulled me into his hard chest.
“Me and the boys worked it out.” His smile was wider than I’d seen it in months, except for our night in Vegas.
“What did they do to you?” I recoiled as I smelled the whiskey on his breath.
“That is between us and our new brother,” Reid smirked as he reached over the bar and grabbed another bottle of whiskey.
I turned back to my husband who still had his arms wrapped around me. Cash placed two fingers under my chin and tilted my head up before leaning in for a soft kiss right in front of my brothers.
“Gross.” Axle started gagging as Reid grabbed his stomach and twisted his head at us with a look of horror.
“I’m not sure how long it will take me to get used to this,” Walker muttered, grabbing the bottle from Reid and taking a long swig.
I shook my head at them and shrugged out from Cash’s hold. He furrowed his brow, but I was still feeling anxious from the day’s activities. I wasn’t in the mood to joke around and act like I was happy.
“I’m going to lie down for a while.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder and moved past Cash.
I was happy the boys worked past their differences, but it really didn’t help the feeling in my gut. I was lying to my whole family by pretending that Cash and I were in this big whirlwind romance.
The whole reason we were keeping up this ruse was to ensure Cash’s relationship with my family stayed intact, and so far that had been successful. I should have been elated. This had been my role for my entire life—keep everyone else happy while my feelings were overlooked.
It was nothing new.
If I was being completely honest, until right now no one had ever taken a single interest in my love life.
No one cared if I was dating or sleeping around—except Cash.
No one asked when I was going to settle down and have kids.
I just floated by, supporting everyone else and existing on the sidelines.
This was the first time anyone gave a shit, and it was all a lie.
Figures.
I made it back to my apartment and sank onto my bed when my phone buzzed with a message.
Jesse
Are you okay?
Yeah, just tired. Glad you and the boys are getting along.
Jesse
Do you want me to come home?
My heartrate picked up as I read Cash calling my tiny barn apartment our home.
No, have some fun. I’m just going to take a nap.
Jesse
Okay, baby. I’ll see you in a little.
I put my phone down and shut my eyes, taking a settling breath. This was all going to be okay. No one was going to find out about our drunken night in Vegas. We could get through the next two weeks and then go back to life as usual.