40. Time For Grown Up Decisions
TIME FOR GROWN UP DECISIONS
PAIGE
I was riding high as I headed to the bathroom.
Tweety swung me around the dance floor for five songs—and I needed a breather, and a drink.
I was about to open the door to the ladies’ room when the men’s room door swung open.
I remembered Brian Cook from the first half of the summer when Cash denied having a thing for me.
Oh, how things have changed.
“Hey, Brooks,” he said with a slimy smile.
“Hey.” I waved and tried to move past him but he stood in my way.
“You must be so proud of your guy. The pro circuit is a big deal.”
“I’m so proud of him,” I said with a soft smile, hoping that he was done talking to me so I could escape to empty my bladder. I also just simply had no interest in talking to him.
“I’ll give you some advice,” he said, taking another step toward me, forcing me to take a step back.
Funny—I didn’t ask.
“You guys are young, and that kid”—he pointed at the crowd—“has a ton of potential. He has the face that sponsors will pay a lot of money for. Don’t hold him back from that.”
“I’m not holding Cash back from anything,” I snapped defensively.
“You may think that’s true, but I’ve seen this story time and time again. Young buck gets married and thinks he can handle it, only to get sucked into the life and end up blowing it over the women throwing themselves at him every night. Is that what you want for yourself? For him?”
“My marriage is none of your business.” I stepped around him and he let me this time. I didn’t need a lecture from someone who had absolutely no idea about Cash and me.
“Don’t come crying when he cheats on you because you trapped him into marriage. I warned you.”
I pushed into the bathroom without looking back.
He might not have known it, but Brian was poking at the one thing I was the most insecure about.
Cash Leonard did not choose to be with me.
We both got trapped in this marriage due to our drunken decisions.
We didn’t have this long love story that everyone was led to believe.
A month ago, the man could barely look me in the eye.
Two months ago, we barely spoke.
Eight years ago, he passed on the chance to be with me.
I didn’t think Cash would cheat on me, but what if he learned to resent me because he never wanted to give up his lifestyle?
What if I let myself fall madly in love with him and then he filed for divorce anyway so he could have the freedom to travel the country with no responsibilities?
That was what he wanted when he started the summer. He wanted to get out of Ashton Creek to explore and make something of himself. He had never intended to make himself a husband.
This was all too much.
When I left the bathroom, I went searching through the crowd. My head was spinning and my chest felt tight. I needed my anchor—I needed Cash. I rose on my toes to peer over the bar and spotted Cash standing up against it surrounded by women. My heart sank as I took in the scene.
He wasn’t doing anything wrong and was barely giving them attention, but what if he wanted to? Was he with me out of pity like the beginning of the summer? Just so other men didn’t touch me?
I shook the thoughts out of my head as I turned and beelined it back to the table. Buck and Tweety eyed me skeptically when I sat in my chair with a huff but they didn’t comment on my mood shift.
The intrusive thoughts running through my mind threatened to consume me. I basically had two options: continue my relationship and risk having my heart broken, or continue with the plan and get divorced. One option left me vulnerable and the other ended the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Cash returned to the table with another round and sank into the chair next to me. I looked up at him, willing myself not to start crying as my decision became clear to me.
Cash deserved a choice.
It wasn’t only up to me.
If Cash and I were supposed to be together, then it would happen one day. But I wouldn’t be 100 percent in this relationship if I was constantly wondering if he really loved me or just stayed because it was fun and easy.
I also knew that if I brought this up right now, he’d commit to me.
He would tell me he wanted to stay together, but he also had this new life waiting for him…
and he deserved to enjoy it. I would never want to hold him back.
I wanted him to live it up on the road. I had a job and couldn’t afford to just travel as his groupie.
This was a hard decision but I knew what had to be done. It was going to break my heart but I deserved the grand love story with someone who chose to be with me. Someone who wanted the same life I did. Someone who wanted to settle down and have a family.
Maybe one day, Cash would want those things with me, but this wasn’t our time. Timing was always working against us it seemed.
I glanced at Cash and smiled. Once I came to my decision, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I could relax for the first time in weeks. My mind felt clearer and I could enjoy these last few hours with the man that would always hold my heart.
I leaned over so my mouth was hovering above Cash’s ear. “Wanna get out of here, cowboy?”
Cash shot to his feet and grabbed my hand without hesitating. He glanced over his shoulder and shouted to Buck and Tweety. “See you guys later!”
I threw my head back as he dragged me through the crowded bar and out into the parking lot. Cash spun me and pushed me against the brick wall. His hands landed on my hips before his mouth crashed onto mine.
His kiss was frantic and passionate as I clung to him like this was the last time I’d ever feel his body against me.
Cash and I didn’t disconnect as he walked me over to his truck.
He lifted me into the passenger seat and stepped between my legs.
Both of his palms gripped my ass and he pulled me into him so I could feel his hard length against my center.
“I want you right now,” I said against his mouth.
Cash growled and pushed off me, slamming the door and running around the truck to get behind the wheel. He started the ignition, but before he could put the car into drive, I reached across and unzipped his jeans.
“What are you doing?” he gritted out.
“I said I want you now.” I smirked at him as I pushed his jeans down.
Cash rubbed his jaw and leaned back against the seat. I pulled his briefs down and took his cock into my hand, working it up and down before leaning over and wrapping my lips around the head.
“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, running his fingers through my hair until he gripped it at my roots.
I moaned as I took him to the back of my throat and slowly came up for air, working his length with my hands as I went. Tears pricked at my eyes as I moved faster, taking him farther and farther each time I hit his base.
“You look so fucking good with my cock in your mouth, P.”
Cash’s praise only fueled me further. I reached down and gripped his balls, eliciting a curse before he started trying to pull at my hair.
“I’m gonna come, fuck.”
That was the only warning I got before I felt the warm liquid hit the back of my throat. Knowing I did this to him made me rub my thighs together to settle the pressure that was building there.
I wanted this man so fucking badly.
I released his dick with a pop as I swallowed and wiped my mouth. Cash gripped my chin and forced me to meet his eyes.
“You’re so fucking amazing.” He kissed me softly and then leaned back and tucked himself into his jeans.
When we got home, Cash pulled me into the bedroom where he worshiped every inch of my body. This felt different. It felt like the end of a chapter of my life—a goodbye to the girl who had waited for this man for so many years.
I fell asleep wrapped around Cash Leonard and let myself sink into my emotions for the last time before I had to turn it all off.
If I was going to peel myself off him and walk away, I was going to have to ignore the ache in my heart.
I would revert back to the girl who shoved her feelings so far beneath the surface no one believed they existed.
Cash was asleep as I quietly emptied my drawers.
I knew this was the coward’s way out, but if he told me to stay—I would.
I changed quickly and paused when I glanced down at the ring stack on my left hand.
Cash had bought me another wedding band to sit opposite of the one we bought in Vegas.
While the original band was all diamonds, this one was a simple gold band to match the one on his ring finger.
I slid the stack off my finger and left them on the dresser.
It took me a few seconds to actually walk away, but I needed to do this. I closed my eyes and turned to wheel my suitcase to the front of the house.
It was five in the morning and I ordered a car to drive me the thirty minutes to the local airport. Last night, I snuck into the bathroom and bought a plane ticket to the one place I knew I needed to go.
As I stepped out onto the front porch, I halted in my tracks. Tweety was sitting in the rocking chair with a steaming mug of coffee. All of these guys were early risers from years of working before the sun came up—annoying.
Tweety’s eyes met mine and then trailed to my suitcase. “What are you doing, P?” His voice was laced with concern.
“I have to go,” I whispered.
“Please don’t do this to him,” he pleaded. He didn’t ask where I was going or if I was coming back; he just knew.
“If we’re meant to be, then we will be one day. He deserves to be happy and live in this success. I’m not going to hold him back.”
The black sedan pulled up in front of the house as I wrapped my arms around Tweety. He squeezed me back before whispering in my ear, “I think this is a mistake, but we’ll be here when you realize it, too.”
“I’ll miss you, Tweety.” I breathed in his familiar woodsy scent before turning and heading down the steps.
I bonded with these guys this summer. They were more like brothers than just ranch hands who worked for my dad. I wasn’t just walking away from Cash, I was leaving everyone without a word.
I couldn’t doubt myself now. I’d made it this far, and it was time to make some big girl decisions. I loaded into the car and watched the house disappear into the distance.