44. A New Life
A NEW LIFE
PAIGE
ONE MORE MONTH LATER
I walked onto the beach and tilted my head back, breathing in the salty air as the birds chirped above my head. I liked California, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the Montana mountains.
Maeve Kelly called my name and started waving at me with a huge smile. Maeve and I had become close during my time here. We were definitely cut from the same cloth and bonded over our love for fashion and torturing Owen Kelly.
I waved back and started through the warm sand, my sandals dangling from my fingertips and my beach bag draped over my shoulder.
After I had calmed down from talking to Cash, Lottie and I made a plan.
I was going to stay in California for three months before returning to Ashton Creek for Lottie and Owen’s wedding.
My parents weren’t thrilled about the idea, but they understood I needed some time to experience a different life.
In the two months that I had been here, I moved into a short-term rental apartment in Santa Monica and got an opportunity to freelance as a photographer.
I had met more people in the last sixty days than I had in twenty-six years in Ashton Creek.
Every night I had plans and I was constantly busy living life.
It was a dream…but it wasn’t my dream.
While going out to clubs and having martinis at rooftop bars was fun and chic, I mostly missed the peanut-dusted floor of the Iron Saddle.
The one thing I had that almost reminded me of my normal life was my photography.
I started a social media page as a private photographer.
The moment I posted the photos I’d taken on the road, I started getting messages to book me for sessions.
I photographed engaged couples and families on the beach.
I got to capture life in still moments. Even when I was having a hard day, those sessions cheered me up and brought me back to the moment.
“Hey, babe,” I said as I approached Maeve. I laid out my towel next to hers and stripped off my bathing suit cover-up.
“Hey, hey,” Maeve said, sipping her matcha.
Maeve Kelly was a spitfire of energy and sass. In high school, I would’ve been terrified to approach her. She was a gorgeous blonde cheerleader who had confidence pouring out of every surface. She placed her matcha down into the sand and tipped her head back to the sun.
Maeve was the kind of beautiful that was effortless. She wore a neon pink bikini and had her hair tied in a messy knot on her head with huge Gucci sunglasses propped in front of her bun.
I sat on my towel and fished out my sunscreen before lathering up my arms. Once my body was covered in the sweet banana-scented lotion, I laid back and closed my eyes.
“Girl, we need to get some color on you.” Maeve laughed next to me.
“I swear the California sun hits different. I’m used to being outside all day but I burn here worse than I ever did at home.”
“Everything here hits different,” she said with a sweet smile.
Something I learned while spending so much time with the Kellys was that they all loved California almost as much as I loved Montana. They grew up on the East Coast, but the entire family had migrated here and never looked back.
Spending time with their family really made me miss mine. Luckily, I had Lottie here. She was my dose of familiarity in the dark. I was starting to understand why Lottie felt so at home with this family. It was nice to have a group of people around who loved so fiercely.
Maeve queued up a playlist on her little speaker and we settled in for a calm and relaxing beach day.
A few hours later, I was back at my apartment to start getting ready for the night. Maeve invited me out with some of her work friends. When I tried to decline, she gave me a speech about seizing the day. I agreed just so she would stop lecturing me in inspirational quotes.
I showered off the greasy sunscreen before standing in front of my closet, struggling to pick out an outfit.
I was renting a tiny one-bedroom apartment and I loved it. The finishes were simple and the walls needed a fresh coat of paint, but it was my own space. The small decorations I added made it feel homey and safe.
I sifted through my closet until I landed on a little two-piece set I bought when Maeve and I went shopping last weekend. It was a simple black skirt with a wrap-style top that tied on the side.
Once my hair was curled and my makeup looked presentable, I changed and added some simple black heels. I looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself. Gone were the bell bottom jeans and flat brim hats, and in their place were heels and sophisticated gold hoops.
I might have felt like a different version of myself, but damn, did I look hot. Cash wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands off me in this outfit.
Cash.
My face dropped as I let my mind wander to the man who still held my heart. I hadn’t spoken to him since we hung up the phone two months ago. I checked in with Lottie once in a while, but honestly, hearing about him was too much to bear.
I knew he had finished the rodeos and was back home in Ashton Creek now, but I didn’t know how he was spending his time.
Was he sleeping around?
Did he realize he didn’t actually love me?
I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked back at myself in the mirror. These questions hurt, but I didn’t regret leaving. If Cash and I were meant to be, then we would find our way back.
In the few months I’d been on my own, I learned more about myself than I ever did on the ranch. I had time to make new friends, and have new experiences. No one controlled what I was doing or had any expectations of me.
I was free.
There was a time where I was afraid to make the wrong move because someone else in my family would be impacted or upset. I lived my life tip toeing around everyone else like a fly on the wall that was afraid to live life.
I never wanted to be her again.
My phone dinged with a notification that my rideshare had arrived to take me to the club. I took a deep breath and pushed all thoughts of Cash Leonard back into their little locked box where they had lived for twelve years.
When the vehicle pulled up in front of the club, my nerves started to take over.
No matter how many times I came out here, it still felt a little like an out of body experience.
I was not a girl who went clubbing, yet here I was waiting in line and handing my ID to a bouncer who checked my identity by staring at my tits.
I pushed through the crowd and up to the second story balcony where I spotted Maeve sitting at a booth with a group of unfamiliar faces.
This club looked exactly like the other ones we’d been to.
The space resembled a warehouse with multiple levels of balconies that looked over at an expansive dance floor.
There were neon lights shining into the darkness in every direction, and waitresses in skimpy outfits carrying bottles lit up by flares.
I slid into the booth next to Maeve as she handed me a drink. She introduced me to her coworkers, and I hugged her husband Colin, who had a possessive arm draped around his wife’s shoulders.
The moment the alcohol touched my lips, I started to feel at ease.
We drifted into casual conversation before Maeve shot to her feet demanding we dance.
She grabbed my wrist and pulled me down onto the dance floor with Colin in tow.
We started dancing and I got lost in the music—as I always did—when I felt a set of hands slink around my waist.
I smiled and looked up at the stranger who pulled me closer. Thoughts of Cash came rushing back and the nervous energy returned even more amplified than before. He leaned down to place a kiss on my jawline and my body stiffened.
This was wrong.
He didn’t have the same masculine scent that Cash had—leather with a faint note of horses. His hands didn’t grip me in the same possessive way. I didn’t feel at home in his arms.
I stepped out of his hold and bolted off the dance floor. I kept running until I burst through the front door of the club, gasping for air.
“Paige? Are you okay?” Maeve came running up behind me.
I shook my head subtly. My hands were on my hips as I tried to slow my breathing. “I just freaked out a little. I think maybe I should just go home.”
I pulled my phone out and ordered a car without waiting for Maeve to comment. Maeve stayed outside with me until the dark sedan pulled up. I turned to hug her goodbye and she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight.
“It’s okay to miss him and also need time for yourself. It’s also okay to love him,” she whispered into my ear.
I couldn’t meet her eyes and slipped into the car without another word.
The drive back to my apartment was quiet as I got lost in my thoughts.
I pulled up Cash’s contact and stared at it.
My thumb ghosted over the Call button, my heart pleading just to hear his voice.
I locked my phone instead. I couldn’t run to him until I was ready.
I couldn’t cave and ruin this experience for myself.
I owed it to myself to embrace this time so when I went back to Montana it was with a clear mind and an open heart. I had one month left before I knew I was going to have to face him…I just hoped I was ready.