Chapter 10 Olivia
OLIVIA
Idarted out from under the awning at the entrance of the building, holding my hand over my head to keep the rain from soaking me. It wasn’t coming down in waves anymore, but it was still enough to wet my skin and tangle my hair.
My short heels click-clacked against the sidewalk as I raced for Lennon’s car. He had it double-parked at the curb, just like Weston suggested. The passenger door swung open as I reached for it, letting me know that Lennon was keeping an eye on the door, waiting for me.
I slid onto the seat with a heavy breath and quickly pulled the car door shut behind me. My chest heaved, for more reasons than rain water dotting my arms. Weston’s words popped back into my mind at the exact minute I slouched back into the heated seat and swiveled my head toward Lennon.
The dash lights lit his face enough for me to take in how handsome he was, the edges of his hairline lit in a golden halo. His left hand came up to rest on the steering wheel, but he didn’t move to put the car in drive. Instead, he shifted his right arm over the console and held his palm out to me.
Every part of me wished he would have done that earlier tonight.
I lifted my arm and slipped my fingers between his, his hand warm against my cooler one.
The contact—the intimacy—did nothing for me.
My stomach didn’t swoop low like it did with him when we first started dating. Instead, it clenched terribly hard.
Because, while I was sitting in his car holding his hand, I was still thinking about his brother’s hands touching parts of me they should’ve never grazed.
“I was so damn worried about you,” he admitted, concern flashing across his face. His lips were drawn into a mostly flat line. But even when Lennon was upset or bothered, his mouth still quipped up at the sides. He was great at finding ways to smile when life challenged him.
I hated knowing that what happened between Weston and me would likely, and maybe permanently, ruin that about him. Having a hand in that was something I’d have to work through another night.
Rubbing my lips together, I squeezed my legs tighter. The aftermath of my orgasm, that silent hum, was still just under the surface, waiting to be unleashed again. It picked at me, bothering me with its incessant tapping until I mentally duct-taped it to a chair.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed out. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I don’t even know how the door closed when I walked into the room. My foot must have hit it, and I didn’t realize it until it was too late.”
“Jesus,” Lennon ground out. “You don’t have to apologize, Olivia.
I’m just glad you’re okay.” He shook his head, swinging his gaze to look out the windshield.
“With how bad these storms have been tonight, I thought something way worse happened to you. Fucking glad that wasn’t the case.
To be honest, I should have canceled this tonight, but I didn’t think the weather would turn into this.
” He waved a hand at the window and looked back over at me, changing the direction in conversation.
“How’s your head? Do you want me to drive us back to my place?
We can come back tomorrow to pick up your car. ”
I rolled my lips into my mouth, hesitation clawing at me.
Because I… I didn’t necessarily want to go back to Lennon’s house.
What I was desperate for was to go back into Taylors Security and bother Weston with all the questions I had in my head.
Somehow, that seemed way more enticing than walking through Lennon’s front door, setting my things down, and finishing the night out with our daily routine before slipping under the sheets with him.
There was no way I could do that—let him touch me—when I had Weston on my mind.
What we did was already bad enough, and I was smart enough to know that two wrongs didn’t make a damn thing right. These feelings inside of me weren’t going to quiet down unless I fed them.
“Olivia?”
I closed my eyes, staying that way for a beat longer than normal before saying, “No.”
It was hard as hell, but I forced myself to look at the man I’d been in a relationship with for awhile now. He deserved that much—my undivided attention as I confessed my feelings.
Lennon parroted me. “No?”
“Yeah, no. I don’t think I want to go back to your place tonight.”
“Okay.” He drew out the word, and I could tell that he was confused over what was happening, but that quick, he found a reason for my resistance.
“If you’re not feeling that great, I understand.
I can drop you off back at your apartment.
Tomorrow is another day. It doesn’t matter that it’s my birthday. ”
“I don’t think I want to come over tomorrow, either, Lennon.”
He chuckled, but it was tight and uncomfortable. He slipped his hand free from mine and wound it around the steering wheel. It was enough for me to know that he was starting to wonder what was going on but just hadn’t asked yet. “Then the day after that.”
I said his name in a low breath, my heart pinching in anxiety over what I was about to do.
I know I said I wasn’t going to do this tonight, but I couldn’t wait another day.
I couldn’t push off the inevitable. I couldn’t walk back in there, seeking out Weston, while I was still in a committed relationship with another man—with his brother.
God, what was wrong with me?
That question had been on repeat all night and likely would stick around for days to come.
“I…” I trailed off, not exactly sure how to say it. I inhaled a deep breath, then came out with it. “I’m not happy anymore, Lennon. I think this is the end of the road for us.”
Tension swished around the vehicle, tying itself into a thick, woven rope.
I swear I saw Lennon’s cheek twitch, but it also could’ve been the way the dash lights casted shadows over his face.
His tongue came out and traced his bottom lip, and it reminded me so much of Weston that my heart lurched in my chest.
“If this is about Celeste… There is nothing going on between me and her. I fucking promise, okay? I don’t know what else to say to help you understand that.”
Unfortunately, we were long past the stage of saying the right words, making promises, or anything else of the sort.
I shook my head. “Honestly, we shouldn’t have let it go on for this long.”
His face twisted into indignation, and he reared back in his seat. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Have you been wanting to do this for awhile now?”
“You know I’ve struggled with the Celeste stuff, Lennon. It’s not like I haven’t communicated that with you.”
“And it’s not like I haven’t communicated back. I thought this was squashed. I thought you were confident in my words, in my assurances. But all this time, you weren’t.”
A beat of silence passed between us, tightening that rope. “I kept thinking that I’d be able to get over it. That, at a certain point, it wouldn’t bother me anymore. But then I realized that I can’t be that woman. I wouldn’t be true to myself if I was.”
His eyes narrowed, and his hand dropped to his lap. “What woman?”
“The one who idly stands by while her significant other acts entirely too friendly with other women. I can’t do it, Lennon. I deserve more respect than that, and you know it.”
He faced forward, staring out the window again as rain pattered down on it. Enough time had passed that we could easily see through it, even if it was a bit of a blurry mess. His hands came up, and he scrubbed them over his cheeks in exasperation.
“Everything was fine today. Then you get locked in a room with my brother for a few hours, and when I find you, you want to break up. I keep asking myself if that’s strange.” His gaze moved back in my direction. “Is it, Olivia?”
I swallowed hard, not knowing what would happen if I told him the truth. Truth that he deserved to know.
“Did he say something to you? Is that it?”
“What? No.” A myriad of emotions swirled through me, making my body that much more tense.
The weird achy throb that settled into my head earlier was mostly gone, thanks to the second round of pain reliever I took—and Weston—but I knew if I pushed too hard that it wouldn’t last long.
Not with all the stress I was going through in such a short amount of time.
So I said, “I’m saying all of this because this is how I really feel, Lennon. That, and seeing Celeste all over you tonight cemented those emotions.”
“The most important part of what you said is that you saw Celeste all over me. Not the other way around. You’re making it sound like I was on my knees at her feet, begging for her attention.”
I almost choked on my spit at his response.
On my knees at her feet.
Again, my brain formulated Weston in my mind. His fingers. His mouth. His tongue.
A rush of heat worked its way down my back, the humid summer air not helping one bit.
“Yeah, but you didn’t exactly push her away.”
“Olivia—”
“No,” I said, lifting a hand. “It doesn’t really matter, Lennon.”
He shifted in the seat, facing me fully. “Like hell it doesn’t. My girlfriend is sitting across from me saying I no longer make her happy because other women are attracted to me. Tell me how that’s fair.”
“Wow,” I breathed out. “I thought about how this conversation would go a few times, but I never envisioned you trying to make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do.”
“Wait a second,” Lennon said, steepling his hands at his chin. He blew out a heavy breath. “That’s not what I meant to say or imply. I don’t want you to feel any kind of way for how you’re feeling. I don’t want…”
Silence blanketed us again, and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what was going to make this better. Nothing, most likely.
Eventually, Lennon finished his thought. “I don’t want this for us. I care about you, Olivia. So fucking much. And definitely more than Celeste.”
I didn’t doubt that. Not entirely. It wouldn’t have made sense for him not to care and stay with me for as long as he did. But he also didn’t use the word love. Which was another indicator that this wasn’t going to go anywhere. Lennon and I were not going to make it to marriage.
“I care about you, too, Lennon, which is why I’m doing this. It’s okay that things didn’t work out for us. One day, you’ll meet a woman that you can picture a lifetime with. I just…don’t think I’m that person.”
His head fell back to the rest, and he let out a mirthless laugh. “Happy fucking birthday to me, huh?”
Guilt swam in my gut, but I tried to quell it, knowing there was no way around this—it had to happen. He might not have realized that at the moment, but he would soon. He’d look back and understand that I did both of us a favor.
Still, I whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on this happening tonight.”
“It’s fine, Olivia. It is what it is.”
“I hope we’ll still be able to maintain some kind of level of professionalism.”
He waved me off. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going to make you feel uncomfortable for doing what you think is best for you. Not now and not while we’re working, either. You have my word.”
I dipped my chin and gave a little nod, though I’m not sure he saw it because he was still looking away. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Well, uh…” That tension flipped into awkwardness ungodly fast. Lennon stumbled over his words, not really knowing what to say next. So, I finished for him, giving him one last out—something I’d gotten too good at with him—before we went our separate ways.
“Do you think you could drive me over to my car?”
It was at the other end of the parking lot, and it was dark and rainy. A big gust of wind blew through, swaying the tree branches. The last thing I wanted was to slip and hurt myself after everything.
“Yeah, sure thing,” Lennon said, pressing the button next to the dash that put the car into drive.
It was a newer, fancier model that had all the gadgets and no shifter.
I’d definitely miss the heated seats, that was for sure.
But even those weren’t worth me staying in something that wasn’t serving me.
He hit the gas, slowly pulling the car closer to the end of the lot. My car, a white sedan, was in the very last space. If there was one good thing about the rain, it was that my car wouldn’t need a wash for a little while.
The car creeped to a stop, and he hovered in drive, swinging his gaze to me one last time. “I’m sorry, Olivia. For everything. I never wanted it to end this way, and I never intentionally set out to treat you any way that you didn’t deserve. I thought I was doing a decent job of that… ”
I reached out and pressed my palm to his forearm before needing to pluck my keys out of my clutch. Both of his hands gripped the steering wheel. “Sometimes things don’t work out so better things can fall into place.”
“Hard to see it that way right now, but I get your point.”
I pulled on the door handle. Before I pushed the door all the way open, I gave him a sad smile.
“Take it easy, Lennon. And thank you. For coming to find me and fixing the door so we could get out of that room. If you ever need anything…” I trailed off, letting the rest of my sentence hang in the air.
I wasn’t so sure Lennon would be coming to me for anything after tonight, but I still wanted him to know that I was genuinely in his corner, even if we wouldn’t be trying to share a life together anymore.
“You, too,” he murmured. “Get home safe.”
I pushed the door open then and got swept up in the weather.
Lennon didn’t back up right away. He kept his headlights aimed at my car, offering me light in the otherwise inky parking lot.
I hit my keyfob as quickly as I could and sent him one last wave before sliding into the driver seat and huffing out a breath of relief.
It was over.
Lennon and I were done.
I started the car, noting that Lennon was already driving out of the lot, and carefully pulled out of the spot. As I drove past the entrance of the building, a tether pulled me to a stop, my foot moving to rest on the brake pad.
I sat there for a full minute, considering my options.
I wanted to go back in.
I wanted to seek Weston out. See him in the place he thrived. Watch as his fingers flew across the keyboard of his computer as he worked.
As quick as the image materialized in my mind, I hit the gas and swung into the nearest free parking space. I grabbed my purse, squeezed my phone inside—I wasn’t making that mistake twice—and darted back toward the front entrance with my work key in hand, ready to unlock it and gain access.
To the building.
To Taylors Security.
To Weston.