Chapter 10
“Arlie, do you need any help in there?” Kimaji asked from the hallway.
“No.”
I just wanted today to be over. We were funeralizing Bilal today, so nothing else mattered.
The media could kiss my ass. They picked now to run gossip about my exploits right after talking about my brother passing.
It had been four days since then, and my house had been surrounded by media ever since.
We had to have the police set up a barricade just so I would be able to get to the family car, and those fuckers wouldn’t be on my property.
I was depressed as fuck. Even with flower deliveries from Noah, Graham, and Sonya, I couldn’t pull myself from the dumps.
The only reason they were sending me flowers was because my brother had left us distraught, knocking the fucking wind out of everybody.
Majesty had been whining for her daddy every day, and while I understood, that shit was on my fucking nerves.
I stayed in my bedroom almost the entire day, every day since he’d been gone.
I was sure Kimaji had told Graham what had happened, which was how Sonya and Noah knew as well.
Graham didn’t strike me as the type of nigga that would send flowers for no reason.
He’d sent white roses, and the arrangement was beautiful.
There were no words of affection or even condolences.
He’d just had his name put on the card so I would know who they were from.
I supposed after the way I spoke to him via text he didn’t want to personalize it. I didn’t blame him.
I was cruel. While I originally thought he wanted to fuck, I realized he just wanted to be here for me.
That only made me feel worse. I was too embarrassed to even reach out to him to apologize.
Plus, I didn’t really feel like communicating with anyone.
Kimaji had my phone, because I was on the verge of destroying that shit.
After finally getting my face done, I slid on my shades and left the bathroom to find Maj standing there waiting for me.
I hadn’t cried in days, but I knew today, whenever I saw his body lying there, the floodgates would open all over again.
It had only been six days since he passed, but somehow, I expected my body and mind to forget all about the last twenty-five years he’d been my big brother.
He was a vital part of my success story.
Maj hugged me loosely, then smoothed out my clothes.
I wore a black pants suit that I didn’t even feel like making sure was up to par.
Maj had gotten it sent to the cleaners for me.
I didn’t know what I would do without her.
She’d even made sure my dad, Cree, and Majesty had everything they needed as well.
I had brushed my hair into a low ponytail, and Maj set a hat on my head as we made our way to the front. “Noah will be at the funeral. I wanted to tell you, because I didn’t want you to be surprised to see him.”
I nodded, not really caring who showed up and who didn’t.
She hadn’t said a thing about my manager or my label, so I wondered if they had even called.
Once we got up front, I saw Majesty in her frilly black dress, Cree in her black pants suit, similar to mine, and Daddy in his black suit.
I loosely hugged all of them as Majesty said, “You look pretty, Auntie Arlie.
“You do too, princess.”
She grinned and twirled so her dress would flare out.
She had no clue we were going to say our final goodbyes to her dad.
There was a knock at the door, and I was sure it was probably the limo driver.
According to the time displayed on the microwave, we were running about ten minutes late.
Kimaji opened the door and when I saw all the media in the street, I huffed. “I’m sick of this shit, man.”
However, when we got closer to the door, I saw all the cop cars with swangers on them, prepared to protect us at all costs.
That shit made me proud to be a product of Houston.
I just hoped that my brother’s enemies didn’t bring no bullshit to his funeral.
He was dead. There was nothing more that could be done to him.
They could have the fucking street life.
I just hoped he got himself right with the Lord while he was fighting for his life at Methodist. If he did, I knew he was with our mama in heaven.
All it took was for him to repent of his sins and accept Jesus into his heart. He didn’t need a voice to do that. It wasn’t that I was perfect and had it all together, but I surely knew who my strength and talent came from. Mama always made sure of that.
I took a deep breath and stepped outside behind my daddy and allowed the driver to lead us to the car as the media yelled out questions.
It sounded like a bunch of mumble-jumble to me, because I refused to focus on their bullshit today.
It was all about honoring my brother, no matter what type of life he lived. He was still my brother.
Once we arrived at the church, I could feel the tremble course through me.
Seeing Bilal this way was going to do me in.
I just knew it. It was still hard to believe that he was gone.
The parking lot was packed with cars, like I knew it would be.
Despite my success as a rapper, my brother was pretty popular.
He had enemies, but people who had nothing to do with that shit loved him.
He was a clown and the life of any party.
When the driver opened the door, I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
Kimaji got out behind Dad, Cree, and Majesty, leaving me in the car alone.
She stood there, blocking the doorway until I was ready to get out.
Finally, I slid across the seat, and Kimaji moved to the side to help me out.
The minute I stood, it was like the media tried to swarm us.
Thankfully, the police already had a clear pathway for us to get inside the church.
We quickly went inside and when I saw his casket from the foyer, my knees got weak.
What made my knees even weaker was seeing Graham standing there with his parents, Sonya and her family, and Noah and his family.
I wasn’t even signed to his label yet and all these people were here to see about me.
My eyes went back over to Graham, and I just stared at him as he took off his shades and stared right back. Someone lightly grabbing my elbow caused me to tear my gaze from his. When I saw my manager, I walked away. She was right behind me.
“Arlie, I’ve been trying to call you all week. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be here sooner. You know I was out of pocket.”
I didn’t justify her with a verbal response.
I lined up with my family and prepared to view my brother’s body.
Glancing to my left again, I saw Graham’s eyes on me.
Why was he here? Did he care more than he let on?
Chill out, Arlie. My mind was on a dangerous path.
I always got my feelings hurt when I started assuming shit.
My manager was still next to me, yapping about shit I wasn’t paying attention to.
I turned to her and said, “You’re fired.”
Her mouth fell open slowly. I didn’t have time for her theatrics.
She was only out of pocket because she was trying to get the new “it girl” to sign her on as her manager as well.
She could go to hell and take her entire management firm with her.
I needed someone who treated me like I mattered, not like an afterthought.
My dad grabbed my hand, and asked, “You ready?”
“No, but I won’t ever be ready, so let’s get this over with.”
He nodded and began walking. Kimaji’s hand was at my waist, letting me know that she was right where I needed her to be.
Her mother was seated to my right and so were a lot of our friends from high school.
The closer we got, the tighter my grip on my daddy’s hand got.
He lifted our hands and leaned over to kiss mine.
“It’s gon’ be okay, baby girl.”
I slid my arms around him, knocking my hat right off my head. I didn’t give a damn about that hat. My daddy wrapped me in his embrace and unconditional love as we viewed my brother’s body. He looked like he was sleeping. I found myself weeping aloud for him, wishing this day didn’t have to come.
When I heard my niece crying behind me, it gave me a different perspective.
At least I had twenty-five years with him.
She had only just begun to know him. After a year or two, she wouldn’t remember much about him, especially if Cree didn’t keep him on her mind.
I released my daddy and turned to go to my seat.
He followed me as Cree consoled Majesty.
Cree had been good to my brother, but he’d treated her like shit.
I took a deep breath as she and Kimaji came to sit next to us.
I closed my eyes, just wanting to disappear.
There was plenty of family behind us, viewing my brother’s body and stopping to hug us on their way to their seats.
This was the part I hated most. Half of these people were strangers to me.
They did this more out of tradition than out of actual concern.
I wouldn’t see any of these people again until the next funeral.
I rested my head against my daddy’s shoulder and held Kimaji’s hand while staring at my brother’s body. I was done hugging people that didn’t mean anything to me. Kimaji was more like family than they were.
When I felt a presence over me, I lifted my head to see Noah and his wife. I stood from my seat, and said, “Thank you so much for coming.”
He extended his arms, and I fell into them while his wife gently caressed my back. I could hear her humming, and it was extremely soothing. “We’re gonna be family. Family, whether blood or not, is there for each other.”
I nodded as I pulled away from him and hugged his wife. “We got’chu, sweetheart,” she said.