Chapter Forty-Four
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
It was just the two of them in the back seat of the car, and the ride was tense. Quinn stared out the window. The city was a glossy black, its vivid colours muted. She glanced at Kya who sat staring straight ahead, arms folded across her chest. The last time they’d gone through this, after her so-so performance at LAB, Quinn had been the silent partner, short-tempered and in no mood to talk. Therefore, she was in no position to harass Kya now. Really, she should just let her be, but she couldn’t just sit here. She was jumping out of her skin. How had they got to this point? Just this morning they were so happy.
‘Kya, you are killing me. Say something .’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
The problem was that Kya was feeling sorry for herself; that much Quinn had figured out.
‘Never mind that,’ she said. ‘Just tell me what’s wrong. Don’t you want to go to London anymore?’
‘That’s not it.’
‘It doesn’t have to be London. It could be anywhere. You decide.’
She said this knowing full well a change in destination wasn’t the solution. The problem was bigger than that.
Kya turned to her with an open, honest, heartbreaking gaze. ‘I thought we were planning a trip sometime down the line, a few months in the future.’
‘I just thought, since we’re both free.’
‘I’m not free!’ she said, incredulous. ‘I have to get my life in order. I promised you a week, and the week is over.’
‘But you’ll come back, won’t you?’
Kya shrugged. ‘I have no idea when that will be.’
‘You don’t have to stay in California to find work.’
‘Yes, I do! That’s where the jobs are. That’s where my life is, Quinn. There are some businesses here, but all the major players are out west.’
‘So, you’re going to pick up where you left off?’
‘Yes, that was the plan all along.’
‘What about all this talk about starting your own company, becoming independent, even freelancing?’ Quinn wasn’t making any sense with these questions, but a cloud of panic had fogged her brain.
‘Did I say anything about freelancing?’ she asked.
‘Maybe. I don’t remember.’
All this talk and she couldn’t say what was in her heart: I don’t want you to go. Stay. Stay with me. This doesn’t have to end.
‘Jade, I’m not like you. I don’t get paid to party. I need a stable income.’
Those words stomped out the silent plea of Quinn’s heart. She wasn’t sure if it was her use of her first name, which instantly put space between them, or the oversimplification of her career that caused her to flinch.
‘If that’s what you think I’m doing, Kya, getting paid to party, then I think we’re done,’ she replied, sharply. She was sick of defending her career and explaining herself. Kya could join the lot of critics if she liked.
‘That’s not what I think!’ Kya cried in frustration. ‘Look, I’m trying to tell you how I feel and doing a poor job. I can’t do this tonight. My head is swimming.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Quinn said. ‘After everything you’ve been through, you’re going to run back and join another corporate entity?’
Kya laughed. ‘You make it sound like I’m joining a cult.’
‘I may not be a computer specialist, but I know this: if you think success is working at some big company, you’re going to be disappointed. You can get another job, of course you can. But they’ll toss you out when they’re done with you.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Kya wailed. ‘It’s a job . Every day, all over the world, people start new ones. It’s not that big of a deal. You were happy for Amanda when she got her promotion. Can’t you be happy for me?’
‘It’s not the same!’
How could she compare the two? Last she’d checked, Amanda and her friends hadn’t been humiliated by Harrods.
‘It’s the building to the left, right?’ their driver asked.
His booming voice startled them both. They’d forgotten where they were. Quinn offered more accurate directions, pointed out the building, even a free spot where he could let them out – anything to keep from arguing with Kya.
They were silent in the lobby. They were silent in the lift. Once they made it to the flat, Quinn went straight to the walk-in closet to change out of her dress. When she came out, wrapped in a dressing gown, Kya was busy shoving clothes into her bag.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Packing.’
‘Seriously? You’re running away again?’
‘No, I’m not. I’m hanging out with Adrian tomorrow night, and I might as well do laundry while I’m there. They always have the good stuff.’
‘You’re hanging out?’
‘Movie night. He wants to catch up.’
‘You never mentioned it.’
Oh, God! Quinn hated to nag, and yet she couldn’t stop the interrogation.
‘It came up after brunch. I forgot to tell you. He’s so concerned about me. It’s a little over the top. Anyway, I should spend some time with him before heading home.’
Home …
‘And when will that be, if you don’t mind my asking?’
‘Soon. As soon as possible.’ She zipped the bag shut and finally faced her. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like you don’t understand, because I know you do,’ she said, a crack running through her voice. ‘Please don’t make it difficult.’
Quinn wanted it to be difficult. Why should it be easy for her to walk away?
She went over to the bedside table and found the note Kya had stuck to her door this morning. She’d smiled and even laughed a little when she found it, thinking they were past all of that. Kya had been kidding herself when she wrote it. This was exactly like last time. They’d come full circle, only to land at the very spot where they’d started. She handed the note to Kya. She took it with shaking hands, then walked past her and locked herself in the bathroom. Quinn heard her running the tap, brushing her teeth.
Quinn left the bedroom for the safety of her studio. She dropped into her padded chair, suddenly excessively tired. She wanted to knock down the bathroom door and grab Kya. She wanted to tell her that no matter where she went, it would be fine. She could look for employment at the ends of the earth if she wanted. It would change nothing for her. She would be right here. Or she would follow. Or they would come to some hybrid arrangement. But she wouldn’t do it. She could not reassure Kya any more than she’d already done. At some point, Kya would have to decide if they were worth saving. Quinn would wait, but that was all she was willing to do.
The next day, Quinn stuck to the routines that got her through the toughest times. She woke up early, slipped on gym clothes, grabbed her keys, filled a bottle with water, and headed to boot camp. It was her turn to sneak out and leave Kya, curled up at the furthest edge of the bed and fast asleep. Second to her home studio, this gym was her safe space. Only this morning, it was an emotional minefield. She walked past the smoothie bar where she and Kya had confronted each other on more than one occasion. She did not linger in the weights room where sometimes she ran into Adrian, and avoided the punching bag, Kya’s spot. Plus, there was the car park where they’d once planned a spontaneous trip without any drama. They were a team, then. A proper couple. That was before Kya had decided to freeze her out.
Quinn was a fighter. But, sometimes, you had to learn when to give up the fight. If Kya needed distance to reshape her life, she would give her distance. If she needed a fresh start, then who was Quinn to stop her? No one could have talked her out of chasing her dreams. She’d left relationships behind, a home, a family, close friends; she’d sacrificed it all to fulfil her ambitions. She’d never been on the other side of that equation. She’d never been the one left behind. Well … that wasn’t exactly true. Once or twice, she might have been dumped, but those guys didn’t count. They’d never mattered to her, not like Kya mattered. They hadn’t left a hole in her heart, like the one she had now, growing deeper by the minute. If she’d managed to outrun heartache her whole life, it was catching up with her now. It hurt so badly; she could hardly breathe. She would never wish this feeling on anyone.
Quinn skipped out of a Burn ’n’ Sculpt class and retreated to the locker room. Even in the privacy of the shower stall, with steaming hot water raining down on her – the ideal place to melt down, if there ever was one – she couldn’t bring herself to cry. She wouldn’t allow it. She held herself together. This break-up wasn’t going to break her. It would hurt for weeks, months, even years, but she’d get over it. Ivy had said something about a lunar eclipse imposing tough choices, forcing change. But, really, what choice did Quinn have but to take care of herself and survive?