Chapter Four
‘I think we need to talk about… contraception,’ Mum says in a strange, semi-whisper.
‘Hilarious,’ Rory says as he just happens to be passing my open bedroom door at the exact right moment – or the wrong moment if you ask me.
‘Don’t you have your own home to go to?’ I snap.
‘Yeah, don’t you?’ he claps back, laughing to himself.
It’s weird, with Rory being so much older than me, because when we were younger I think he just saw me as this annoying little kid that was always cramping his style. It’s only now that we’re adults, and our age gap doesn’t seem so vast, that he’s taken on the more traditional sibling role of winding me up at every opportunity. Being ten years younger, and my parents being older when they had me, it’s wild but people don’t hesitate to semi-jokily ask my parents – or me – if I was an accident. My dad never hesitates in saying yes and, whether he’s joking or not, Rory uses this fun fact when he’s teasing me sometimes.
‘Contraception is important, Leah,’ he says in a faux serious tone. ‘I’m here to collect my kid – who was planned – but one little slip-up and you end up with a… well, a you .’
‘Because I was going to go out tonight and get knocked-up,’ I say sarcastically.
‘Oh, God, imagine,’ Mum chimes in. ‘We can’t have another baby in this house. I’ve already got his soon-to-be two.’
I’m vaguely offended that, if I did have a baby, my mum wouldn’t want to look after it because Rory got in there first.
‘I’m trying to talk to your sister, Rory, please go home,’ Mum insists.
‘See you tomorrow,’ he says as he heads downstairs.
‘You didn’t give me the talk when I was a teen,’ I point out. ‘Please don’t do it now.’
‘Just, with you starting your life again, and begin – what do the kids say? – on the rebound,’ she says.
‘Mum, I promise you, it’s not like that,’ I reassure her.
‘Woo, come on girls, we’re going to get Leah some D tonight,’ Mel bellows as she and Angie join us in my bedroom – I can’t help but notice Mel is armed with bags.
‘D for drinks, Mum,’ I reassure her, seeing the look on her face.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ she says, unconvinced, as she makes her way to the door.
‘Lovely to see you, Mrs Porter,’ Mel says. ‘And Mr Porter – he let us in. He’s looking great, isn’t he?’
Oh, Mum likes the sound of that even less.
‘Yes, you too,’ she says.
The look on Mum’s face suggests she might think twice before reaching out to any of my friends – although it might be a bit late for that.
‘What are you guys doing here?’ I ask. ‘I thought I was meeting you at the Ghost?’
‘Well, I thought you were too polite to accept my makeover,’ Mel says. ‘So I’m here to give you the works.’
‘The works?’ I echo her words – except they sound far less enthusiastic, coming from me.
‘Yeah, I am going to make you look perfect,’ she announces. ‘You’re going to have snatched brows, long lashes, nails for days, and I guarantee you won’t have a single hair on your body growing any lower than your ears.’
Wow, I mean, that all sounds absolutely terrifying. I need to do, well, anything, to get out of ‘the works’ – I know.
‘That sounds great,’ I lie. ‘But, I’m just so raring to go tonight, I can’t wait to get out there, so what about if you just paint my nails for now, and we do the works next time?’
‘You need a drink that badly?’ Angie says, one eyebrow raised.
Hey, if it gets me out of a group bikini wax, I’ll say anything.
‘I really do,’ I tell her. ‘It’s been a long week.’
‘Well, okay then,’ Mel says, sounding a little disappointed. ‘I guess we’ll just go for a super sexy shade of red, so the lads know you’re up for it.’
The day men start taking cues from something as subtle as a shade of nail polish then I’ll be impressed. At the same time, I don’t think we need to give anyone the opportunity to read between the lines like that.
‘Fab,’ I reply.
Mel grabs a bottle of bright red polish from her bag.
‘I think I’ve got a lipstick to match it,’ she tells me. ‘Hopefully that will help.’
Hopefully that will help what? Is she really on a mission to pair me off with someone tonight? I’m assuming my mum has told her that I’m single, even if she hasn’t gone into the details, but damn.
Ah well, I’m sure it will be fine. With the vibes I’m giving off at the moment, it’s going to take a lot more than a bit of red lippy to get me a man.